The lost in life chronicles
by woopdeetah
Summary: Troy Bolton has fallen from grace, after a year away from regular life how will he pick himself back up? And who will help him
1. Chapter 1

disclaimer: i don't own high school musical, though i feel i improve it vastly

CHAPTER 1: I'm seriously ohkeah!

I hated when doctor Hewitt would look at me as if he was looking into my soul. As if he was trying to understand me to the core. But like every doctor in the world they make up their own diagnosis. I'm not bi polar, I know sometimes when we lost a game I would fly off the handle. But that's because of my competitive nature. And I had never even been in a fight before until that… that night. "Do you not see troy? He asked in that condescending way doctor's speak to people. "You have a condition troy, denial is only part of the process" and then came the medication.

It was like a cycle, day in and day out meetings morning and night. What I could never handle the best was how they treated us like we were glass mannequins who will crack at the slightest touch. I mean I understand that some people at a mental rehabilitation center could be a few miles short of the finish line but not all of us where crazy.

"Mr. Bolton I need you to understand that in his condition" the doctor said as if I was some menace to society.

"I don't give a shit" my dad said to which I let a small smile form. "A year is all that was required; the court said a year now I want him back to his regular life"

I knew even when he said that that my life would never be regular. The drive was mostly silent. My dad never had anything to say when my parents would visit the hospital so why would he have anything to say now. I looked at him for a few seconds knowing what I was about to say was probably going to make him angry. "Have you heard from Gabi?"

"Jesus troy!" he cursed angrily. He pulled the car into the drive way and studied me for a few minutes. "You have to start being better"

I dead panned. "There's nothing wrong with me." I said it hurt when my parents said stuff like that.

"I know troy" he said "I just, we want you to just rebuild, start new" there was no way to put it gently. My father longed for the days before my insecurity began to get the best of me. He wanted me to get back to that place.

"Maybe we should move to Scotland" I said "then I can start new."

"Let's just see how the summer goes" he said getting out of the car and waiting for me so we could walk to the door together. When we got inside there was a loud surprise and an onslaught of family members, my grandmother and my awkward cousins who I didn't know that well to begin with. It was all sort of humiliating and I wish my mother had never had the stupid idea to invite all of my family to my house.

"Welcome home" my mom said holding out her arms for a hug. I stood at the door to stunned to even move.

"You're no longer in the loony bin, let's have a party!" I said sarcastically before walking to my room in humiliation. I shut the door and just looked at the room I used to call my own. It was not Troy's room; at least it didn't belong to the troy I am now. I looked at the trophies and wondered why I had ever valued them. I sat on my bed and sunk into the memory foam. It was going to take some getting used to sleeping in this bed again. I fell back and just lay there, thinking about the hospital, one eye Pete and his starting fights for fun. I looked to the left of my bed and an absence peaked my interest. There was still a wooden picture frame with the word friends carved into the surface but the picture of me and my father standing on a dock holding a huge salmon after our first fishing trip was not what was supposed to be there. Aside from the pathetic idea that I would put a picture of my father and I in a frame inscribed with the word friends, I could never forget the picture I had put in the frame so long ago. It was of the Evans twins and me and Gabi all in each other's arms after opening night of twinkle town in my 11th grade.

An over whelming feeling of anger took over. How dare they take that picture, my fucking picture! I sat up and pulled the drawer of the night stand open. I rummaged throwing things out of the drawer looking for the little black album that was nowhere in sight. All of the pictures me and Gabi had together. I pulled the drawers right out of my dresser and pulled boxes off of the shelves of my closet. I grunted and twitched in anger, my hand was on the knob when the door opened. "Troy honey" my mom cooed before seeing the state of my room "troy what are you…?"

"You took all of my fucking pictures" I yelled "where are they?"

Her eyes went wide with worry and fear which only really made me angrier. But it was more pain then anger. I felt my breathing start to quicken. "We felt it was best..."

"Well it's not!" I yelled "it's not fucking for the best I want those pictures." I could hear silence from the rest of the house and knew everyone was listening. "Enjoying the freak show!?"

"Troy just calm down" my father said from the door "everyone has gone home, just relax"

I tried breathing steady "what about the pictures?"

"Troy you can't have the picture's" he said "I don't know what part of this is unclear you need to move on troy you need to stop dwelling on Gabriella or you will never be better"

Tears where welling up in my eyes "it's not fair, it's my life, you can't just take away my life, I lived it I spent so much time…" I could see my mother in tears.

" Lucile" my father said as if to tell her they crying was not helping " troy, I know it's hard , and I saw you day by day in that place and knew you wouldn't get any better, but if this is what happens on the first day back… what would you have us do?"

Troy shook his head. It was all too much. I had missed too much. A year, it had been a year since I had last entered this house and I hadn't taken the time to take in my surroundings. My values have changed. "I need air" I said

"Do you want to shoot some hoops?" my dad asked which almost brought the bile of my empty stomach to my lips. The very idea of ever touching a basketball again made me curdle like old milk.

"No" I said picking my I pod off of the floor where I had thrown it in search of the black photo album full of pictures of Gabi. "I just need a walk, a run maybe"

"Are you sure going out is a good idea" my mom asked skeptically. "It's after 7 and…"

"Lucile if you wanted to keep him cooped up you could have left him in that hospital" my father said looking and feeling exhausted and defeated. It sent a pang of guilt to my heart to know I had put such a strain on my parents. I smiled weakly at my dad before leaving the house. I put in my earphones drowning out the rest of the world as I ran down the familiar streets I spent growing up. I made sure to steer clear of both crescent dale boulevard and meadow blossom drive. The sun was beginning to disappear on the horizon when I reached east high. I stood in front of the fountain looking up at the building that had raised me up to be a star and then tore me back down and demoralized me. It's like everything that I should look back on and rejoice about turns to ashes in my memories, lies. My life here was perfect, so why was I standing here like this now?

I walked back the way I came not feeling like running anymore. I decided to walk through the park on the way back. There was a large group of teenagers who I would have once strived to interact with had I nothing to do on a summer night but I walked on passed them, not without a few looks. They knew who I was. I heard a few lingering whispers as I kept walking, each one hitting a little harder. I didn't really know where I was going. I took a path that didn't lead in the direction of my house but I wasn't entirely sure home was where I wanted to go. Where was there? I had been gone for a year; I had been cut off from almost everyone I knew besides family for a whole year. And when I think about the fact that none of my friends came to visit me in a whole year, besides Sharpay about a week after I was admitted. I was sort of an asshole telling her to fuck off but at the time I thought her intentions where purely out of a feeling of I told you so. I didn't really have anywhere; I didn't even have a cell phone to call anyone.

I left the park and walked down a random street Turing every so often. It must of have been close to nine when I reached the 666 green tarries abandoned house that had just always been abandoned. I had been passed it a thousand times but never really looked at it, studied it. It was scared beaten and broken. Like me, like chad.

I started towards the house on the cobblestone walkway felling a weary nostalgia of my childhood. As I reached the door I stood for a second taking in my surroundings. It was pretty lame that a 19 year old was finding fun in breaking into an abandoned haunted house, but at the moment anything that wasn't a group meeting was a privilege. My hand went to the knob and I heard a cough from within. I stumbled backward falling on the porch. "Shit" I heard from inside the house. Clearly whoever it was knew I was here. I got to my feet.

"Sorry" I said "I was just, checking out the house"

The door cracked a little and an eye peered out at me. The door then opened a little wider and a familiar face made my heart beat faster. "Troy?" said the blond moped theatre twin. Of all the places for a rich kid like Ryan Evans to hang out an abandoned old house isn't one of them.

"I... I should go" I said, starting to feel waves of anxiety. "I have to get home"

Ryan looked at me like I was crazy and I felt myself cringe backwards my face reddening. I saw the jersey in my head 8. I let out a loud breath and Ryan put out his hand and I backed away. "Troy?" he repeated "breath" that caught me completely by surprise. I let out a few unsteady breaths my hands shaking.

"I'm sorry" I said "I'm just fucked up"

"Aren't we all?" he said. There was a long silence. I realized in that moment the pungent smell of pot wafting from the open door. I looked back to Ryan who blushed at our silent realization.

"Are you, smoking pot?" he blushed even more but nodded. I didn't really know how to feel about that. At the hospital no matter what your issues are alcohol and cigarettes and recreational drugs where absolutely outlawed. But they weren't in college so maybe going away changed more than one person.

"Do you want some?" he asked "or do you not do that… you know that was seriously a stupid question to ask" I bit my lip frustrated with the fact that the walking on egg shells was inevitable from people who actually gave a shit and didn't curse at me in the streets. But I would rather people actually hate me then think everything they say could somehow be taken the wrong way. I realize I'm not the only person in the world with problems but that doesn't mean I can't handle myself.

I don't know whether I was doing it to prove a point or not but I took the invitation into the house. It was dark and lit only by three or four candles but it had a half decent looking couch and a bean bag chair. There was also an I pod doc and a stack of books. Clearly Ryan spent a lot of time here. "Look you don't have to be all… crazy, I mean you don't have to walk around on egg shells because of…" I didn't know what to say. I didn't really know how much about me Ryan knew.

"Ok" he said simply he sparked up a joint inhaling deeply and exhaling.

"Habit you picked up at Julliard?" I asked

"Yeah something like that" he said while blowing out more smoke. The smell was awful. He passed me the joint and I looked down at it in my hands for a second not sure if I wanted to take that plunge. It was always something I had looked down on for years but it's not like I haven't done worse things I thought I would never do. I inhaled and coughed right away. Ryan chuckled beside me as I wiped the drool off of my face." Ok?"

"No" I said still in a fit of coughs. "that's enough for me" I said.

"Sorry" he said clearly rattled by my disgust. There was another awkward silence and neither one of us looked at each other. I felt it all going to my head and I felt my lips forming upwards into a smile that came from nowhere. "You're high now"

" I can tell" I said feeling light headed and tingly. It was one of those things I could understand now. It wasn't like being drunk. It was like being aware of my surroundings yet unaware of my issues. My problems didn't seem all that bad anymore "Do you come here a lot?"

"Yeah" he said "mostly when I want to be alone"

I nodded in understanding, sometimes you just wanted to be alone.

"So can I ask you stuff?" he asked boldly. I was constantly curious as to how I would feel if someone wanted answers about my absence for the last year. For some reason the idea of trying to expaine any of my feelings to Zeke or Jason. I don't think either one of them would understand. Ryan though, Ryan was so removed. Yeah sure he was friends with all of the wild cats briefly but he was never a close friend so I couldn't see the harm in delving even though the doctors would say it's not healthy I needed this. "I just keep saying the stupidest…"

"It's cool" I said "I guess, how much do you already know?"

Ryan frowned. Clearly he knew enough but still I wanted to know if he knew the truth or some sugar coated version told through the grape vine. "I … I know you almost killed chad Danforth"

I felt my heart sink "is that what everyone says?" I asked

"I don't know" he said shaking his head pulling another draw off the joint. "Fuck other people"

" its true" I said we made eye contact and Ryan studied me for a few seconds " I did almost kill him" I wanted to feel ashamed but I couldn't I felt guilt but what for I did not know because as much as I wanted to feel for chad all I had left was contempt. But the same could probably be said vice versa." Do you know why?"

"I've heard things" he said "but I don't care about that, I don't care about any of that I just, I want to know if you are ok" I looked at him unbelieving. Most people just wanted to be away from me. Most people hate me for what I did how come he didn't?

"I was on my way to Gabi's she had broken up with me before moving to California and I guess I didn't want to let it go. I remember chad saying he had a doctor's appointment" I said. I felt my stomach growl and ignored it. "So we left the scrimmage early and we all decided to just pack it in, so I thought it was the perfect time to go see her talk it out. She told me herself it's not because she didn't love me she told me it was because of the distance she was leaving Albuquerque and I was staying" Ryan hung on my every word. "I got to her house, the door was shut and I knocked for a few minutes with no answer. I could hear the sound of music so I just opened the door thinking she hadn't heard me. There was a jersey hanging on the banister." I felt the sting of tears in the back of my ducts.

"It was a wild cats jersey" I said breathlessly "they were fucking in her bed… so i pulled him off of her and punched him in the face, ten times maybe more I don't remember. Gabi kept yelling at me to get out, just get the fuck out. Then when he was on the ground her demands turned to pleas of don't hurt him" Ryan sat there stone faced. " my hands where bloody she was bawling and it was like I meant nothing what we had was nothing all she cared about was him and it drove me to the edge I snapped" I wiped my eyes. "And I was wrong but I never saw it that way"

"No one ever does" he said passing me back the joint. I took it even though I said I was done and inhaled forgetting about the explosion that was coming. "Hold it" I did my face was reddening and he smiled his theater boy smile. "Ok let it out" I breathed out surprised that I didn't cough so bad the second time. The hit went straight to my head and all I could see was white for a second before I nearly fell over.

"Whoa"

"People always just judge all the bad shit you do they never try to see the good" Ryan said "it's a lesson we all learn I guess, you just learned it right out of high school" I looked at him then. He never let anything slip past is demeanor. He was a locked diary. Mine was open completely.

"After I hit him, after I had is blood on my hands…" I felt the tears welling up again and I wiped it away "all of his sins where wiped clean" I was wrong for hating them I needed to mend I needed to heal I needed to accept but I didn't want to. Ryan put a hand on my shoulder I turned to him and it the memories hit me hard. His page boy hats, weeks before I went away dancing with him for the graduation musical rehearsal his hair was significantly longer than his usual short and clean. He also didn't seem to have the colorful wardrobe I was so accustomed to him wearing. He was in a simple hoodie and black skinny jeans. He was there but it's like he was new.

"It's ok, I get it" he said "you hate him, and you will never forgive him" it's like he was reading my mind. " everyone will tell you to find it within yourself but its ok I understand no one can tell you how you should feel only you can do that" I looked at him straight in the eyes his sincerity clear on his perfectly toned ivory features and a switch went off in my head. A smile formed on my lips he chuckled "I know some deep shit eh? Probably won't remember it in the morning." My smile turned into a frown

"That's unfortunate..." I said, he shrugged blushing a little. "What time is it anyway?"

"Nine forty five" he said. I wanted to stay but I was gone at least two hours now my mom would be bleeding at the cuticles.

"I don't want to… but I better get going" I said reluctantly "my parents..."

"It's cool" he said "do you want a ride?" I nodded and we left the abandoned house together he had park on the drive way between the house he only had enough room to get in his door so he had to back up to let me in but after that he was driving at an almost speeding pace. Part of the street over was all torn up and under construction and Ryan smiled devilishly at me. "should I knock over a pylon?" he asked me.

"That would be pretty reckless" I said hoping he would be so bold. He carefully edged towards a pylon and knocked it over we both laughed for a few seconds at a stop sign before moving on. When he dropped me off at home the realization of what my life was set in.

"Troy…" he said studying me for a long minute "just know you're not alone; call Zeke he'd love to hear from you." I nodded and got out of the car. He drove off and I waved as he did so walking up the path to my door. I walked in the room and my mom and dad's heads both popped up like a prairie dogs.

"Troy you were gone a while" my mom said concerned. I knew I didn't want to be in the room any longer as soon as I walked in. "your eyes look red"

"I'm fine mom" I said rolling my eyes walking passed the living room.

"Were you crying?" she asked with the same motherly concern.

"Leave it alone mom" I said "I had a good night don't ruin it for me" and with that I walked down the hallway to my bedroom. I opened the door to my room and remembered the tantrum I had had over the stupid photo album. I cleaned up all of my old stuff threw away the garbage and broken little things that weren't all that important. I also took the trophies and medals off of my shelves, I put them in a box of my old toys on the top shelf of my closet. After everything was clean I relaxed on my bed and looked at the picture of me and my dad. He was happy back then. And now, well I don't even know how he feels about me now. Though my preconceived notion was that it would take some getting used to sleeping in my own bed, I fell asleep in an instant and didn't wake till the morning.

A/N: gasp i wrote a new story, and this one is really angst filled and a little un-high school musical which lets face it is totaly my style . i hope you like it and review


	2. Chapter 2

I don't own Zac Efron so yeah that sucks but whatevs

CHAPTER TWO – NEW BEGININGS

I walked towards the building my heart racing a mile a minute. I had taken Ryan's advice. I called Zeke who to no surprise was awkward as hell but after a few seconds we talked like regular people. There was an absence of emotional connection but that was only to be expected since I was away for a year and he knew what I had done, what chad had done. I had a lot of time to think about how much the whole night affected all of us. Zeke Jason, I mostly thought about Taylor at Yale having to go through all of it in a split second and go across the country to school. I wondered if she hated me, or if she hated him. Zeke ended up asking me to Sharpay's apartment near the u of a campus for dinner and it was one of those things you couldn't refuse.

A few days later I was chomping at the bit to get away from my house and my dad who always wanted to play basketball. I didn't have it in me to tell him that I couldn't even touch a basketball without having a panic attack. It was a trigger at least that's what doctor Hewitt called it. Apparently when you go through something as traumatic as what I did a reminder of the past can trigger anxiety. It was all really complicated to me but such was my life. I remembered when all I had to worry about was winning a championship.

The door man greeted me with shifty eyes, but said nothing as I approached the buzzer. "Hello? Tory?" said a patite voice threw the intercom.

"Yeah" I said timidly looking over my shoulder at the suspicious door man; it must have been the hoodie. It was a classy building; it was Sharpay's apartment after all. 14 stories up I found myself face to face with pent house 1402. I laughed at the fact that she managed to find an apartment with the same number as her high school locker. I stood outside of the door for a few seconds and felt like walking away but didn't. Before I could even knock Sharpay opened the door.

"Troy!" she said with a warm smile so unlike her usual icy demeanor. "How are you?"

I was at a loss for words for a few seconds "I'm sorry, for that time you…"

She frowned "I wasn't expecting that, its ok I just, I was a bitch back then I understand why you wanted me to go"

"I was just in a bad place" I said "thank you for inviting me tonight"

She stood aside to let me walk into the very modern apartment designed no doubt to her very high standard. Nothing her father couldn't pay for. The Evans twins wealth and the superiority that comes with it had always left sour thoughts in my mind about them, well more about Sharpay, I never really knew Ryan. Zeke was in the kitchen cooking what was no doubt the dinner they had me over for. Sharpay led me through the house showing me all of the stuff she could afford even though she was only 19 and a student in university. I smiled along humoring her but it kind of made me feel out of place. She went to the wash room and I escaped to the kitchen to find Zeke. "So how do you like the place?" he asked

"It's nice" I said honestly

"Yeah it's expensive" he said "everything in this apartment was bought on her dads platinum card"

I rolled my eyes unsurprised by the revelation. Sharpay had always gotten everything from her parents. It made me wonder about her brother. "What about Ryan, where des he live?"

"At home still" he said string a sauce in the pot. "He's coming tonight" that sent a warm feeling threw my body. I had seen him last week and it was good to at least have someone here to derive from Zeke and Sharpay. It was a surprise that Zeke managed to tame Sharpay, they had something towards the end of high school but I never imagined they would last a year. " between you and I" zeke said breaking my train of thought " Ryan's been threw a lot of shit lately too, I don't exactly know what but Sharpay missed a week of classes in December to go up there for an emergency and when she came back Ryan was home." I heard the telephone ring and zeke and I both watched as Sharpay rushed to get it excitedly.

"Did she talk about it at all?" I asked

"Nope" he shrugged "I never asked either its really up to him right? But when I went over there after they got home he had a shiner and a cut across his lip, can't really help yourself from jumping to conclusions in the big city" an uncomfortable sensation trekked threw me, the idea of seeing Ryan's porcelain extearior blemished by bruises and cuts seemed unnatural to me, he was the opposite of a violent person.

"Maybe new York swallowed him whole" I said. The door opened and all I could hear was Sharpay cry her bothers name.

"Shar give it a rest" Ryan said dropping his sweater on the couch. "What's zeke cooking anyway?" Sharpay ignored her brothers rudeness and smiled threw her embarrassment. Normally she would have freaked out but from what I had gathered she had matured in the year I had been away, as much as it was hard to believe I never realized how much someone could change in a year because I had never before been withdrawn from them for so long but the differences where there not just in her and zeke but in my parents and family members and most of all in Ryan.

"No need to be so hostile I was just hoping you would be dressed more…" she cut herself off before anything got out of hand and she directed him to the kitchen where I was. It made me wonder if Ryan knew I was here if he knew I was coming at all. "We have a guest" Ryan locked eyes with me and a faint smile fell over his delicate features.

"Hey troy" he said

"Hi Ryan" I said in return, the exchange was awkward but I didn't know why. "Nice to see you again"

"Again?" Sharpay asked her and zeke looked on expectedly.

"Wow I can't believe I didn't mention this on the phone" I said oblivious, I hadn't even remembered to tell zeke it had been Ryan who had suggested I call In the first place. "I saw Ryan my first night back from… yeah, I went on a run and ran into him… not literally" I was getting that look and blushed.

"Yeah, you seem great though" Ryan said "for everything that happened" Sharpay put her hand to her forehead rubbing in humiliation at her brother's word vomit. Obviously she had planned a night of pleasant dinner conversation that didn't involve bringing up my whole situation. Ryan clearly didn't have the tact or he just didn't care. "So moving on do you mind if I use your balcony?"

Sharpay looked scornfully at her brother and zeke tried to hide his cheeky grin. "Ryan are you still doping?"

"Sharpay can you stop calling it doping you make me sound like I'm pumping steroids" he defended "it's just pot..."

"For now!" she said in a dramatic fashion best fit for the Sharpay I had known and cared little for. "But then you start doing other stuff, it's a gateway drug"

"Where did you learn that middle school?" he asked scoffing "look if you don't want me to smoke on you balcony… to bad" he skipped jumping over the couch and I felt a pang of adrenalin watching the small meek Ryan come to life with exuding confidence. It was something I had rarely scene. I couldn't help the smile that came next and I chucked earning a look from Sharpay, it was sincere at least, she seemed amused that I could smile, like all of the crap I had gone threw would just turn me into a closed off person and it had to a certain extent but in a completely different direction it has made me bolder and more lose tonged as a result.

"I'm goanna use the washroom?" I said. I made my way down the main hall towards the powder room because Sharpay was rich enough to have an apartment with a powder room. I was slow so as not to have to spend an awkward amount of time with zeke and Sharpay. It's like I didn't know what to say to zeke. Normal guys would break the ice with sports, even Ryan had that topic stitched with his baseball infatuation but I knew nothing anymore, trades, standings in the week I had been back I had tried to hop back on but it everything seemed foreign and I couldn't even watch the basketball games. And Sharpay, Sharpay just kept looking at me like I was a crack in an otherwise perfect vase. When I walked back to the kitchen I overheard them talking about Ryan.

"no its disrespectful zeke" she said "it makes me look bad but I feel bad saying anything, I it's just… he is so closed off now, he doesn't care about anything all he does is stay home smoke pot and go for walks" she was clearly upset about her brother and I felt awkward just standing there listening to them so I kept walking towards the kitchen my foot falls halted when my name was brought up.

"Troy seems fine though" zeke said with an air of uneasiness.

"I don't know what you were so worried about, he's the same person zeke" Sharpay countered. My eyes widened at the conversation. Had zeke wanted this? Or was this Sharpay's idea did she force it on him or did he have to think about this dinner I was completely perplexed. He probably didn't want to see me in the first place, I was just a burden. I felt the anxiety slowly creeping on.

"I don't know I mean troy is my friend, but chads my friend too and I see him a lot more so it's just weird I don't know" he said giving up. I took a few breaths feeling sweat drip down my back as my face turned red with humiliation, I sure as hell didn't want to be somewhere I wasn't wanted but I couldn't just leave . it hurt that they could even still be friends, after what he had done after all he had caused In all of our lives I would have thought, I don't know , I can never forgive chad for what he had done to me but maybe they could and as much as it hurt I had to accept it so I just kept breathing. I came around the corner with a plastered smile.

"So what are we eating?" I asked when I got there; they shared a look and smiled. Zeke delved into some fancy way of saying we were having grilled salmon and shrimp skewers with quinoa and greens. Standing in the kitchen I could feel my face start to film in sweat.

"I'm going to go get some air" I said fanning myself awkwardly with my hand. I felt awkward now. I was supposed to stay in the freaking powder room for longer so I didn't hear that. But would that have made it any less true? I walked away from both of them without another thought and felt like I was being a little rude since they had invited me here for dinner and I had spent more time avoiding them then spending time with them. I slid the door open and Ryan was there puffing away on a joint. I leaned on the railing and looked over the city.

"Driving you crazy?" he asked after another puff.

"What?" I asked perplexed

"Life" he said simply. "no one gets it, no one gets you or how you feel and you keep wanting people to understand what's in here" he put his hand over his heart "but no one cares because they are all just twisted little messes inside they don't want others to see" it was like he knew what kept me awake at night, the whole world felt like shit.

"Yeah then" I said "it's driving me crazy"

"Same here" he said passing me the joint. I looked down at it and almost wanted to take it. I thought it would trip me out or make me sick but all it did was make me forget, about the bad stuff mostly and then I got hungry and then tired, it was the reason I had gotten sleep the first night back. I hadn't really slept much since. "She's such a pill, always downing me like hello you are in university have some fun!" he took another drag after I decided not to act on his offer. "But she wants to act like a married woman with zeke" he sighed

"I hate pills" I said not knowing wharf else to say on the situation. He turned to me and chuckled.

"I guess you got a lot of those?" he asked amused by my medical history. If Sharpay where here she would be malting. I don't know what it was but Ryan's questions didn't bother me, they were blunt and shameless but at least they were honest, everyone else tip toed and acted like it never happened Ryan was fully aware and knew just forgetting was not going to happen. It dawned on me that perhaps this came with his own trauma but it was not my place to ask , unless it was…

" yeah a lot" I said " so how was…" the sliding door to the balcony opened and Sharpay stood there waving her hand in front of her nose and couching like a child

"Dinners ready troy" she said completely ignoring Ryan.

"Well I guess I'll just eat out of boi's bowl then" Ryan said sarcastically. Sharpay rolled her eyes.

"Ryan shut up and come in to eat" she said. He laughed and followed us into the room. The table was set and there where perfectly plated enters not unlike the ones served at lava springs, I wondered if that's where zeke had perfected his art while dating Sharpay.

Ryan scoffed and sat down "this looks good" he said and I couldn't tell if he was being sarcastic. Zeke went around pouring red wine into everyone's glass and Sharpay cleared her throat when he got to mine. My face went blank, how obvious had that been?

"A quinoa "she said choking like an idiot "small little things, rice next time Hun". Ryan observed the whole situation and then looked at his sister like a villain in a movie.

"Wait are you fucking serious?" Ryan said in awe and outrage. "Are you kidding me Shar?"

She shrunk under his outbreak and for the first time I saw yet another side of Ryan. "I…I" she mumbled

"Ryan its ok" I said. I knew I should have been humiliated at the outbreak but had I not had counselling it might have been me freaking out about the insult that I had no doubt came from a good place. It felt crappy to have people constantly worrying and thinking that I will turn into some rageaholic if I have a drink, I was only 19 I didn't even know myself yet and people thought they had to label me. Ryan was defending that but I didn't want him getting into a fight with his sister.

"It's not ok but whatever" he said siting down crossing his arms. We ate in silence and afterwards all praised zekes cooking prowess. I actually enjoyed the meal. It was nice to have something other than steak for a change. In the week I had been home my dad thought it would be good to give my all of my favorite foods but they all involved heavy beef and pork and the sea food was a nice change.

"Well it's been something" Ryan said standing up.

"Eat it and beat it?" Sharpay asked as if she was expecting it.

"It's not like you want me to stick around anyway" Ryan said "can't wait to start talking about me"

Sharpay sucked her teeth "ugh Ryan I don't know why you always get like this" she said exhausted. Maybe because it's true, I thought to myself. I had heard them talking about the both of us, it kind of made me want to leave as well, if he was going I didn't want to stick around.

"maybe it's for the best I need to leave too" I said they both looked let down that I was leaving, weather it was sincere was unknown "yeah I'm not supposed to be out later than 9 it's a getting back on the right track thing" It was a lie but I knew they would buy it since they already thought I was a loony.

"oh, well that's unfortunate' Sharpay said clearly wanting to seethe but knowing that it was not the best choice, and zeke reddening.

"But I prepared desert" he said.

Ryan grinned " well why don't troy ad I leave and stop at dairy queen, it's pretty much the same thing right?" Zeke's eye widened and I almost burst out laughing but knew it was inappropriate so i just turned away, Ryan was already at the door ,zeke just mumbled incoherently and Sharpay froze. I got up from the table and backed slowly to the door.

"It really was a great dinner" I said honestly if not a little awkwardly. "The shrimp where great, it's just the curfew and all, but maybe lunch threw the week?" I was out the door before either of them could respond, god I had gone there in the hopes of getting my old life back but it seemed tonight had only made things a little more awkward with them, well except for Ryan again. I caught up with him at the elevator as the door was closing " hold the door" I said. He held it and I ran the rest of the way.

"That was unacceptable" he said "how could you sit there and let that happen? Let them treat you like a child it was demoralizing to witness" he said with so much spite.

"I was a guest" I said "it was their choice weather they wanted to serve me alcohol and it was my choice weather I would have drank it"

"Would you have?" he asked curiously

"Yeah why not?" I asked "I mean we are all still underage so the way I see it me drinking isn't any worse than them drinking the only difference being I was in a mental hospital for a year and they believe they are stable people, and maybe they are I don't care that's why I said it was ok" Ryan was in stunned silence. It seems I had answered any follow up questions he had and he just stood there high as a kite while the elevator went down. "So what are you doing now?"

"I thought you had to be home at nine" he said.

"I lied" I said shrugging "you weren't the only one who wanted to leave, what are you up to anyway?"

"Why?" he asked raising an eyebrow.

"I just, I have nothing to do so if you weren't busy..." his eyes seemed to light up for a second before the flame deteriorated. "If you don't want to..."

"No I do I mean, of course I do you're troy Bolton" he said as if it were obvious. To me it wasn't that big of a deal I was just me, "that sounds stupid, I mean it's just in high school I would have killed to be friends with you"

"Really?" I asked surprised

"Um yeah" he said "you where the coolest guy in school troy everyone wanted to be your friend" he said "even you had to know that"

"I'm aware of whom I used to be, and the cliché I have become" I said pathetically. I felt a sudden sting as Ryan punched me hard in the arm.

"Fuck you troy Bolton" he said "you're not a fucking cliché! Who the fuck gets to decide that but you? No one, you choose who you are not them" he pointed up towards the top floor where we had just left Sharpay and zeke. "You're better than that troy don't put yourself down you only enable others to."

"Sorry" I said

"Don't apologize" he said but I wasn't sure if he meant to him or for what I had done, it seemed even when we weren't talking about it we were talking about it. A lot of people danced around the topic but Ryan seemed to face it head on.

"Is this in regards to you or…?"

"In general just don't apologize, don't!" he said getting out of the elevator and walking towards the door.

"So… no then?" I asked thinking he must have forgotten I had asked him to hang out.

"No, what?" he asked perplexed

"No you don't want to hang out?"

He stopped in his tracks turning around and by the look on his face I had side tracked him enough. "Look I have this party to go to and I would invite you but I don't know if… it's your scene." I furrowed my eyebrows and bit my lip.

"umm ok" I said walking past him "I don't really have a scene, don't know if you noticed I was locked away and a tower for a year so that was pretty much my scene, oh and next time you want to get all righteous with your sister it might be best to not clone her ignorance 15 minutes later" I pushed through the glass door not waiting for the door man, I was to angry.

I thought maybe he understood he acted like he did but he was just a hypocrite he was just like his sister, just like all the rest sure on paper it sounded good to have someone treat me like a regular person but what happens when I actually want to be a grown up with real friends doing fun things like going to parties and drinking… I should have known.

"Troy wait!" Ryan called but I started to walk faster I didn't want to hear him say sorry I honestly didn't care. I could hear his foot falls as he ran up beside me. " troy just… stop … Jesus!"

"What!?" I snapped he flinched and I saw the worry in his face for a moment and closed my eyes, I wanted to imagine I didn't just see him cringe that he didn't just cringe because I had yelled and scared him, because I had beat up my best friend and I could do it again, " I'm sorry…" I said voice shaking, I took a deep breath.

"Troy I'm sorry that wasn't you" Ryan reassured from beside me. "Troy I'm fucked I swear that wasn't your fault" he put his hand on my shoulder and I felt my hand slowly creep up to rest on his. "I'll tell you , if you want to know, I just promise I wasn't scared you were going to hit me ok?"

"I didn't mean scene, I was completely contradicting myself with that one" he said "I just, I didn't think it was your style, it's more a rave then anything I would say, it's not like east high parties." I opened my eyes ad looked into his sincere eyes.

"I don't go to east high anymore" I said I turned to face him, his hand still on my shoulder. "Want to help re-invent me?"

A/N: so this is chapter 2 hope you like it


	3. Chapter 3

i don't own high school musicals male cast... yet

CHAPTER 3 : parties

" if you want to leave just grab me and we can leave" Ryan said and I rolled my eyes for the fourth time that night. The party was in another apartment building but this time it wasn't in the ritzy heart of Albuquerque but in the low income housing not to far from north high, and I finally got what Ryan meant when he said not my scene, there was a chance I would be seeing someone I had once beat in basketball.

" e?" a boy asked me as soon as we had crossed the threshold of tranquillity to chaos. It was dark with lots of black lights all over the place. The flash of glow sticks made the room light up like a starry sky.

"no I'm good" I said taking in all of my surroundings. I couldn't believe there where people walking around with ecstasy but from what I gathered most of the people here where on it.

" soft" said the boy who then held one out to Ryan. " Evans, what will it be?"

Ryan shook his head " not tonight Micky" he said grabbing my arm and guiding me threw the room, we bumped into a lot of sweaty dancing people and I had no idea where in the apartment I was standing but Ryan held my arm to whole way. He left go for a second and I could barely think from the loud dub-step music, I turned around aimlessly looking for Ryan who I had lost contact with. A cold sensation found the back of my neck and I snapped around to see a beer bottle in my face and Ryan with another one for himself. " lets go" he said disappearing back into the crowd of people. I followed as closely as the net of dancers would allow until I came up beside him at the window, he began to crawl threw to my surprise until I saw the fire escape littered with people

" where are we going Ryan?" I asked switching the cold bottle from hand to hand

" VIP" he said with a scoff I raised an eyebrow of intrigue as her climbed threw the window of the apartment above the one we had come in.

" Ryan" I heard a girl said enthusiastic as I climbed threw the window, I heard a few shouts of greeting to Ryan before I actually got a glimpse of the apartment. There where about 12 people in total siting around having their own conversations the girl in question took me back for a second with her shocking resemblance of Gabriela.

"Naomi" Ryan said taking her hand to his lips, she giggled and slapped him on the arm.

" oh you player" she laughed " why are the good ones always gay" he eyes found me and I grinned toothless and pondered what she had just said, its not that I didn't know Ryan was gay I always had, it didn't take a genius while we where in high school, though the Ryan I know now would be a wile card at best. I could see blush creeping up his cheeks and I patted his shoulder reassuringly. her eyes widened " who the hell is your hot friend?"

" this is troy, troy Bolton" Ryan said, she looked at me for a moment with an unreadable expression before smiling.

" well you're hot troy" she said pulling me into a hug. " and muscular, you didn't take an ecstasy did you, because I don't want that mess upstairs"

" no, I'm clean" I said shaking my head.

" super" she said " if you want to get your rocks off their playing spin the bottle in the bed room, but for now lets introduce you" she grabbed my arm and yanked me across the room as Ryan followed with an amused look on his face. There was a group of people siting around a table all gawking at troy. He was confused for a moment until he recognized one of the boys. " this is Micky" she said pointing at the boy who had offered me Ecstasy. He grinned and waved like a spazz, she then turned to the red head to his left introducing her as tally she then turned towards the boy who he couldn't put his finger on. " and this is josh, everyone this is Ryan's friend…"

" I know who he is. " josh said and I finally puzzled it together. "troy Bolton, east high wildcats"

" north high giants" troy mumbled " yeah, I played for the wild cats" I was beginning to feel uncomfortable and it seems like that was joshes intention

" played!?" josh said in astonishment at my modestly like most people used to do. " you didn't just play troy Bolton, you where the wild cats"

" josh that's enough" Ryan said. I looked at him and had never scene him more angry.

" you made every guy on that team look like your bitch troy" josh went on ignoring Ryan plea. " especially that one kid.. what was his name... Danfourth?"

" josh shut the fuck up!" Ryan yelled but it was to late I was gone I was at the window, I could hear him laughing after me Ryan yelled obscenities at someone I had thought was his friend until I walked in the room, the others sat silent but I don't know what happened because I was already half way down the fire exit. I wanted to cry but their was a party full of people, I pushed threw them all, a lot of them cursed at me and pushed me back but my head was in another place. I wanted to go home, I wanted to get away from the rest of the world, I wanted to not exist.

I burst from the apartment to find a woman in a yellow bath robe yelling in my face from the hallway. I ignored her and she called after me threatening the cops. I was out on the street in no time, it was only 11 we had barely even been there ten minutes, my back was drenched in sweat my mind was racing a mile a minute and I just wanted to run. " troy" the voice was like a signal to my brain. I stoped and took a deep breath. It was shaky and the tears began to gloss, I had never cried so much in my life as I had in the last year. He ran up to me and stoped a few feet behind me.

" no one is ever going to forget" I whispered. He carefully stepped the last few feet and stood in front of me. " no one is ever going to like me again"

" I already like you" he said softly. I looked into his icy blue eyes and saw only sincerity. I had a tingly feeling and my eyes found his lips, they where soft and pink and an urge came across me but I suppressed it.

" I just wish I could go somewhere where no one knew me" I said wiping my tears off of my face. " I'm a mess"

" whats a mess for if not to get cleaned up?" he asked putting his arm around my shoulder." Josh was out of line, no one knew you at that party except for him"

" no matter where I go I will be reminded of what I did" I said " not just by bold ass holes like josh I get it in the eyes of everyone I ever knew, judging seething with opinion, at the circle k where I grew up buying slushies hot dogs I now get watched and ignored my life in Albuquerque is over"

" troy people like him are idiots" he pushed " ignorant fools who think they know everything but know so little, josh doesn't know you he doesn't know how you feel how you felt, who the fuck is josh troy, some loser you kicked the shit out of in basketball?" as much as I wanted to believe that it shouldn't matter it did it always did because I had always been judged for being the greatest. Peoples opinions always had a great effect on me because something was expected of me and now people expected me to be crazy.

I noticed the bottle in Ryan's hand now, it was big and the glass was blue. " whats that?" I asked

" a bottle of gin" he said holding it up " I figured if we weren't going to stay at that party why not have one of our own?" a smile crept onto my face and it lightened Ryan's spirit considerably.

"Where did you get it?" I asked sniffing.

" I took it" he said " I don't give a fuck"

" I think I could be down with that" I said nodding. We didn't go far from where the party was, there was a burger joint down the street so we went there and ordered enough fries and onion rings for the whole party and made out way to the nearest park. So as not to be scene we sat in the grass where the trees where the thickest. The night was comfortably warm, not hot and sticky like the humidity of mid summer but the warm enough for t shirts weather while still feeling the chill of the cold grass in the night breeze.

" so do you want to pour some in your soda?" he asked. I nodded taking a big gulp or root beer to make room for the gin. He poured a generous amount into the extra large cup and then took a gulp straight from the bottle cringing at the after burn. " fuck, want some?" he asked holding out the bottle, I decided to just go for it taking the whole bottle and guzzling the straight alcohol back.

It felt like a shot of heart burn but I could feel the alcohol travel straight to my chest. I took a sip of my soda to get rid of the taste but it only went away a little bit because of the gin in the soda. I decided now was a good time to get tore into the food. I ate a hand full of fries desperately to get rid of the taste of the straight alcohol. " so what about you?"

Ryan raised an eyebrow " what about me?" he asked perplexed.

" I mean, we have talked about me, about my shit all of my shit in fact" I said " I just, why did you leave Julliard?" I knew part of this was the alcohol talking but I was curious, no more then Ryan was curious about me.

" oh I see Zeke and Shar told you some crazy story" he said waving his hands in emphasis.

" no all Zeke said was that Shar went to see you in November and when she came back you came back too" I said " he said she never told him"

" really?" he asked as if he didn't believe it. " Sharpay cant keep a secrete"

" you don't have to tell me you know I was just curious" I said " its just that, in a year I'm not the only one who has changed at least from what I have gathered"

Ryan sighed reaching into his pocket, he pulled out a little baggy with pot in it and a pack of rolling papers " I'd like to be high for this"

I shrugged my impartiality and he began rolling the joint. " I guess you can say I just, got a wake up call" he said while sprinkling weed into the paper and forming a cylinder with his fingers. " I guess I thought me and Kelsey would be closer , but she found her own thing you know? She was really good with the composer thing and she made a lot of friends she did a lot of extra curriculars and as time went by , we just got distant" I nodded my understanding as he licked the seal finishing the joint. He took another swig of gin taking a sip my my root beer afterwards " I came into Julliard thinking I was going to be so good, I was confident I would take new york by storm but in the end it swallowed me whole."

" then, one day I met this guy" Ryan said with a look of struggle on his face, he sparked up the joint and took a few drags and passed it to me, I took one drag stifling my coughs before passing it back to Ryan who took another drag then continued. " he went to NYU and he was in a frat and he was sweet, we saw each other for a month and a half then he took my virginity" I could see the pain in his eyes. " I fell in love with him , I fell hard"

He passed me back the joint and I took another this time managing to cough very little. " he stopped calling me after we had had sex, I was devastated I called him all the time I went by his frat house he texted me freaking out one day calling me a stalker and a fag and saying I was crazy and I just I thought I had found a place in new york I thought i had found someone who could make my life their worth something since I had flunked out of Julliard and it was like he was spiting in my face, he used me and he threw me away like I was nothing" the tears where flowing and he was wiping his eyes on his sweater. " I was a fool I was stupid"

" sounds like he was the fool" I said

" a few weeks later Kelsey told me she wanted to move out of the condo which I had been expecting since day one and Julliard well I just stopped going then one day I was getting some food from this place down the street from my place and I saw them, I saw him with his stupid friends the ones who laughed at me or looked at me like I was an ant to step on, I tried to avoid them but they saw me they followed me and chased me into an ally." He could barely speak from the tears, from the pain I started to see red I felt the finished wood of the banister under my fingers. The red jersey, I began to take deep breaths. " he beat me up, while his friends egged him on" I could feel the pain in my own knuckles as they bled into chads face.

" I tried calling Kelsey but she never answered my calls anymore" he said " I didn't want to stay in new York any longer so I called Sharpay and told her I was coming home, she thought I was crazy and flew there to talk sense into me but I had made up my mind, by then my Manhattan had consisted only of my four walls and a view of central park."

I began to feel incredibly uncomfortable. I couldn't look at Ryan how could he even speak to me? " why would you want to be around me?"

" you're not like that!" he said " you are good you are everything good about life, you're pure , genuine you care troy" I felt a warm sensation in the pit of my stomach. " you did something bad because something bad was done to you , you where driven to that and sure people will tell you to the day you die that you are a menace and that you're a monster and that you should be locked up but who fucking cares what they think?, you are justice troy" we sat their tipsy and high Ryan took another gulp of gin.

" thank you" I said I looked at his lips again and this time he saw me do it. I moved closer to him and he swallowed. I had no idea what I was doing but the alcohol and the pot had my mind racing and my manhood throbbing. Was I gay , was i sexually frustrated?, I was not sure but I was sure that I wanted to kiss him. So I did. It was soft and small and when i pulled away his eyes where wide in shock which only made me giggle

" what.. why did you do that?" he asked " why did you kiss me?"

" I thought, I mean i don't know" I said breathing heavily " did you like it"

" I" he said breathlessly " did you?"

" i don't think i would have done it if i thought i wouldn't" i said with a small smile of astonishment as what i had just done. I wasn't sure if it would make things better or worse but it felt right at least. Ryan was the first thing that had felt right in a long time. But regardless of what i felt the doubt was clear on Ryan's face.

" you're drunk" he said as if that was the answer to all of it and maybe it was i didn't know.

" who cares?" I asked him with a smile. " you said it yourself"

He was clearly raddled by the advance the thought crossed my mind that maybe he didn't like me that way, just because he was gay didn't mean he liked every guy in the world maybe i wasn't his type, or maybe he just knew that in the morning i would forget and he wouldn't. My heart felt uneasy for a moment his doubt his reservation made it all obvious that this was something he never thought would happen." what if it gets weird?" he asked

The thought had not crossed my mind,i was drunk and acting with fogged judgement" look Ryan I don't have a place in the world anymore, i,ve been back a week and I have no idea what I'm doing its like I'm new to life or something" I said " you are the only thing that is making sense to me right now"

"right now" he said as if id find something else in a few weeks to occupy my time, as if he where so little that no one would want him. In reality he seemed to be all i needed.

" I cant read the future" I said " but I'm not just going to let go of the first thing that's made me happy in so long" Ryan took another swig of the gin trying to drown his apprehension. we didn't kiss just lay in the grass in the breezy summer midnight talking of course. Each taking more shots of the gin until we where both incoherent and loud. We horsed around in the field for who knows how long just chasing each other and wrestling . We fell to the grass laughing like I had not done since before graduation, I don't think I would have been smiling had I known what was going on behind my back but it was as happy as I have ever been until now. Ryan lied his head in the crook of my shoulder and wrapped his pale arms around my waste. I pulled him closer to me feeling his body head up the side of my form. I let my fingers explore threw his golden hair and he moved his head to listen to my heart beat.

" in the morning, this will be a dream" he mumbled into my chest and I chuckled.

" no" I said rubbing his back.

He nodded into my stomach. " you don't want this troy" he slurred "you will see"

" you're wrong" I said sleepily the orange light of the distant lamp post being the last thing I saw before I fell asleep.

I felt the tap on my shoulder first and that's when the reality that I fell asleep in a public park kicked in. " shit!" I said getting to my feet suddenly only to come face to face with a police officer, I looked down at Ryan who was eyes wide assessing the situation.

" just what do the two of you think you are doing?" the cop asked half stern half amused. Under any other circumstances I would have laughed it off or tried to book it but I knew the instant my eyes cracked open to see the shiny silver badge pinned to the officers shirt that this only meant deep shit for me.

AN: i hope you like this story as much as i enjoy writing it. but a review would be nice. i had written this chapter differently but i decided it needed to slow down a little bit so i changed a few things. the next chapter will be longer as well. i'm also going to start a Ryan pov soon. this story has a bit of a mature subject matter so if you have a problem with graphic rape character death or excessive drug use i would suggest stopping here


	4. Chapter 4

disclaimer: i don't own high school musical i wouldn't want to... just troy!

CHAPTER 4- trouble

As soon as I had told the officer my name he paged a different officer. At first I was confused as to why he would do that until I saw Phil Cross pull up in his cruiser. " hello troy, Mr Evans" he said addressing both of us with a stony demeanor "I see we where up to some trouble last night" I was gob smacked. Anger oozed out of every available pour in my body. He had called for my friends dad or , honestly I didn't know what Jason was anymore. I took a few breaths, all getting angry would do is confirm his belief that I was crazy. Right now I was not far off the mark, my shirt was dirty I was hung over with a splitting head ache and sweat had made my hair a greasy mess freaking out about the fact that I would be the topic of the cross family's dinner talk tonight would probably have him on me with a teaser.

" I'll have you know troy" he said sternly " your parents where up half the night worried had me up too" i thought this was all a bit over kill. When did I suddenly become 14 again? They didn't even let me say bye to Ryan who was taken home in the other officers cruiser. I was a little pissed off about that, I tried to keep my mind off of the crap I would have to here from my parents about this whole joke. I had met most of officer crosses talking with silence in the hope that he would stop and just let me stew in my anger and anxiety. " have you thought about what you want to do?" he asked awkwardly looking at me threw the rear view mirror.

" what?" I asked taken aback. I hated when people would ask vague questions like that.

" I mean what you want to do… for the future?" he corrected. I blanked, I had no idea. I looked out the window at the passing houses and decided to ignore the question all together. I acknowledged the irony that I had tamed my anger in order to not look crazy but ignoring him when he spoke made me look equally as crazy. It was like you couldn't win, once you where labelled that's how you are remembered. I felt waves of both relief and annoyance as we pulled up to my house.

My mom rushed out of the door like a frantic case towards the cruiser. After officer cross let me out she cried throwing her arms around me. " oh troy where have you been!?" she wailed

" Jesus Lu!" my dad said " you in the god damn house, thanks Phil I can take it from here" I rolled my eyes and walked towards the door as my father had asked. I looked back threw the screen door at my father and mother talking to officer cross. I could ugly hear what they where saying but it was all just a relay of the mornings events so it didn't phase me. when they shook hands I knew it was the hour of judgement. My dad marched up the front steps followed by my mom who was wiping her red eyes with a tissue.

My dad just looked at me with a look of disgust. " I'm so disappointed in you" I wanted to roll my eyes again but suppressed that urge. This honestly wouldn't be that big a deal if I hadn't just spent a year in the hospital.

" does that ever get boring?" I asked nonchalantly. He clenched his teeth in anger and grabbed the front of my shirt pushing my to the wall.

" jack!" my mom gasped.

" do you think this is a joke troy?!" he yelled in my face. " do you want to get sent back to the hospital, do you want them to take you away today… thank god for Phil.." the anger I felt then drove me to do something I swore I would never do. I pushed my father away from me and he fell to the ground in astonishment.

" it doesn't fucking matter!" I said " because weather I am here or there I still get treated like I'm crazy, everyone wants me to move on with my life to start being me again but no one will let me, I am sorry that I had fun for the first time in I don't know how long and that you are disappointed but i really don't give a fuck, you think you know whats best for me but you keep doing whats worse walking around like I'm made of fucking glass like I need to wear a sigh that says crazy so everyone should treat me the same"

" troy… that's not what we want" my mom said. My dad was still on the ground looking at his lap in awe of what I had just done and I felt the pang of guilt hit me in the chest. I knew I would regret pushing him. I felt the tears welling

" well that's how I feel, that's how you make me feel weather you want to or not" I said with a deep breath speaking calmly " I get it , i'm 19 drinking is illegal I shouldn't have done it but I'm still 19 I should be in school and doing this at some frat but I'm not and that's disappointing too" my dad began to get to his feet " but I'm not a child and I am not better I know that and I realize that I do have some issues that until now i couldn't address but I'm figuring it out"

" staying out all night, public drinking and sleeping in a city park are not the kinds of things regular people do" my mom said. " troy weather or not what you said is true, we still have to punish you"

" OK sounds good" i said " ground me and lock me in a room, have the nurse bring my lunch and dinner, but the little yellow pills are really throwing my head for a loop are they supposed to do that?"

" troy that's not what I meant" she said

" no" my dad said in a defeated tone. " he's over 18, he's an adult he can do what he wants" i looked at him but he didn't make eye contact.

" but jack drinking underage…" my mother said outraged.

" I believe the police enforce that law" he said " they can deal with it if it pleases them" he walked from the entrance way towards the couch and my mother stood there shocked.

" I'm going out" I said walking back towards the door. I wanted to get away from my house but part of it was a test to see what my dad did, but he just lay on the couch with the game on. My mother was to shocked to say anything before I was gone and as soon as I was clear of the yard I saw Mrs. Donahue peeking over her bushes next door.

" oh where has mittens gone now?" she said traumatically pretending to look for her 14 year old stunted tabby who still managed to kill more rats in the neighborhood then most of the other cats. She saw me and smiled warmly which is what I would have thought if she weren't a hoity toity old gas bag. " oh hello troy, back into trouble I see"

" yeah, killed a guy this time" I said statistically " nice to see you're still a nosey bitch" I kept walking down the side walk with a grin that almost made me forget about my pounding head ache. She wasn't expecting that I assume what with me always being the model citizen. I'm sure I will hear about it though from my mom or something. All of this commotion and I had completely forgotten about Ryan. I wondered what he was doing right now, if he was okay or if he was in just as much trouble as I had gotten in.

Something told me he didn't get in trouble at all this morning. If I knew the Evans family at all they probably didn't even notice he had gone out last night. I began to jog down the street once I was well away from my house but the head ache that the gin had provided kicked in after half a mile and I had to stop. I couldn't keep my mind off of Ryan by this point. I had never actually thought about guys before. I never cared about stuff like being gay or lesbian at east high Ryan was the only kid who was flamboyant enough to have people second guess but he had never exposed his preferences to the masses. It was just something that I had never thought I would be interested in, I just never thought about a guy that way

But when I think about Ryan I think about all of the things I don't like about girls, now that I thought about it boobs where just boobs, I had never even gone near a vagina before so I wouldn't even know what to do in the situation. The closest to sex I have ever gotten was dry humping Ryan in the park last night and it felt… pretty good. Did that make me gay? I guess it did.

But then on the other hand if I where gay how could I explain my feelings for Gabi, how could I have been so blind with rage at her betrayal if if I didn't like her in the first place? But I had liked her, I had loved her and now she was halfway across the country living her Stanford dream and I was a mess with conflicting feelings and a lot of confusion as to what I want to make of them. Before I knew it my feet had brought me to green tarries drive in front of the abandoned house. In all of my thinking of Ryan it brought me back to where I first met him, well not met per say but saw him.

I walked up to the door and turned the handle, it was unlocked so I let myself inside. It was dark but the cracks in the bored on the window made it just light enough to make my way. As I crept to the living room I saw the glow of the candles and heard the quiet sound of sniffling. I rounded the corner and Ryan was on the far end of the couch crying. " troy?" he asked wiping his tears away " w-what are you doing here?"

I frowned at the prospect that something had him upset enough to cry. " why are you crying?" I asked gently walking towards him and siting down beside him.

He turned away " nothing" he said wiping his eyes again " its stupid anyway"

I felt oddly uncomfortable. The fact that Ryan was here upset made me feel uncomfortable. I took a hold of his hand and squeezed it lacing my fingers through his. He slowly turned towards me. " I'm an idiot" he said with a goofy smile. I was confused but happy that he was no longer crying.

" whats up?" I asked

" after last night…" he said " I thought you had forgotten, I just I felt… its stupid"

" I remember everything" I said playing with his hand " you had doubts, that's fine i still have doubts its only been a few hours"

" its not just doubts troy" he said " I don't think you understand how much this means to me, how much it has meant to me"

" I think I have an idea" I said

" you don't" he said " you never even noticed me before senior year I liked you since grade 9, then you just left for a long time I had you on my mind all the time and now your back and it just..." i kissed him for to stop him before he could say anything else.

" i noticed you long before senior year Ryan" i said " i just never really understood you until now" i couldn't give Ryan the answers he wanted, i couldn't tell him that i loved him or that i felt the same way he did because this was all so new to me. But when we kissed, when we touched, there was something there. My stomach made an unattractive noise and the realization that i hadn't eaten at all this morning hit me.

" hungry?" he asked " wanna go get some food?" I shrugged,I didn't really have the money to buy it and I had all ready taken advantage of Ryan's money last night at the burger joint.

" I'm okay" I said.

He turned around in my arms so he was facing me " my treat?" he asked, my face contorted for a second and he frowned. I didn't want him to pay for things for me like that just because he could didn't mean he should. I haven't gotten around to finding a job yet but I have picked up an application from the grocery store earlier in the week but for now I would have to do without.

" I don't want you to have to pay for my food again" I said.

" don't be stupid" he said " its not like that, I'm hungry I'm going to go buy food for myself would you like to come?" I thought on it for a second. " troy!"

" sure" I said with a smile. " where too?"

We ended up at the same diner we had eaten at the night before, as it turns out they do up a half decent breakfast, and by half decent I mean delicious. We sat over coffee and casual conversation for the better part of an hour learning little things about each other that we didn't already know. Which turned out to be a lot. Ryan was really into movies which I found weird since he wanted to go into the theater branch of acting. " so what would you say your favorite movie is then?" I asked

" that's like asking how many breaths I think I took today, there's too many good movies" he said brushing off the question. " I have favorites but if I say one I might forget another"

" okay so what is one of your favorites?" I asked between bites of bacon.

" umm" he was clearly thinking hard about this. " stand by me, it's a classic right?"

" I've only scene it once" I said " the part with the leaches" I shudder at the thought.

" yeah but the friendship, the love between the two main characters they care about each other so much even though their only thirteen they know that life can be shitty " a thought of chad crossed my mind, when we where 13 it felt like it was the two of us vs the world " I'm sorry" he said picking up on my gloomy silence.

" its alright" I said rubbing his hand " we should go to the movies… I don't really know whats out but…"

" I have an idea" he said and the excitement was written all over his face. " why don't we watch the movies that came out while you where , you know…"

" in the bin" I said with the light bulb going off in my head, there's got to be at least 20 good movies that came out while I was in the hospital. " the dark knight"

" yes" Ryan agreed " heath ledger won an Oscar from beyond the grave for the joker, the best movie of the year in my opinion"

" avatar?" I asked

" meh, Pocahontas in space" he said nonchalantly. " we can watch it though we can watch other good movies too we have the whole summer"

" we should go camping" I said out of nowhere, the thought just sprung at me.

" um sure" he said confused " random but sure we could do that too" his phone vibrated on the table and he ignored it getting back to his food

" you can answer your phone if you want" I said with a smile. He smiled back but looked concerned none the less. " whats wrong"

" its just…" he said nervously " I cant hang out with you today" I looked at him as he frantically looked at his phone " I have a thing to go to, I mean Sharpay is making me go I don't want to but…"

" its cool" I said not entirely sure what I was going to do with my day now. I mean I didn't know what to expect before I had run into Ryan at the house but now it was a little bit of a let down I guess. I couldn't just expect him to stop his own life just because I don't have one.

" its not that" he said " I didn't want to tell you this, it's an east high thing" my heart sank. Of course, it was planed before graduation, the east high unofficial reunion. " I mean you can go you where a senior right but I wasn't…"

" I'm not going" I said threw gritted teeth, I wasn't really sure what I was angry at or why I mean I couldn't be angry at him for going I cant ask him to throw away his life for me that would be selfish. And I knew I could go if I wanted there was not really an invitation rule plus I had already been invited the year before. Then I knew , and a sudden wave of nausea hit me as I realized this was maybe the reason I was so stuck. It annoyed me to no end that I had just found out about it today, weather I would have gone or not was not the point. it was just the fact that I didn't know, that I was oblivious, I was in a hospital for a year and I was oblivious and it pissed me off and now everything was happening around me. all of the components of my past where making their own futures and I was cut off from all of it.

" i shouldn't have brought it up" he said " I'm not going"

" yes you are" i said " you are gonna go and have fun and I'm gonna go home" i was really angry but i didn't want him to be upset by it. I needed to leave, it would be for the best. I needed to do other things with my time, all i had accomplished so far was this strange obsession to the boy and i had barely done anything else but dwell on it and the world was passing by without me. I stood and Ryan stood as well. " I'm just going to walk i think" i said he deflated but part of me didn't care. " I'll call you"

i don't know why i would say something so stupid, i didn't even have his number we had not even gotten to that point yet. Now he probably thought i regretted our kiss in the park, i didn't want him to think that but there was nothing i could say since i didn't really know if i did or not.

Then as i walked down the street with the new Mexico sun beating down on me i wondered how this had become about him at all. I was mad at chad and Zeke and Jason and all of the people who had abandoned me and took chads side in what i had done, what he had led me to do . I was pissed that i would never see Gabi again that we would never have what we had. I was pissed that Kelsey turned out to be a bitch to, so why did i have so much apprehension about Ryan the one silver lining in all of this mess? I wiped my head and heard a loud car honk. I expected it to be him but was surprised when i saw another familiar face.

A/N: i decided to shorten this chapter by cutting out Ryan's part and just just giving Ryan the whole next chapter, even though its short i really like this one. i haven't really decided how long this story will be posts will be whenever, sometimes i can have one up in a few days sometimes i can leave the story entirely for a few weeks/ months, so i wouldn't expect consistent updates. next chapter is all about Ryan you will see some other familiar faces too but i want it to be clear that this story centers around only four people from the HSM universe so even though others will be scene and brought up you wont really be seeing them unless they cross paths with either troy, Ryan Sharpay or Taylor... oh wait did i say Taylor? oh goodness me... well until next time then.


	5. Chapter 5

disclaimer: i don't own high school musical or any of its actors

Chapter 5: awkward

**Ryan**

Sharpay could be a pain, i pulled my phone out of my pocket buzzing and picked it up. " what do you want Sharapy?" i asked. She sucked her teeth impatiently.

" you're so rude" she said " we cant even have conversations anymore" she was being dramatic as usual, she was allays being dramatic.

" great, now what do you want?" i asked beginning to get impatient myself.

" are you free? Wanna come over?" now that i thought about it she sounded a little out of sorts.

" is it not enough that i am coming to the stupid one year thing?" I asked irritated" now you want me to come hang out with you and Zeke..."

"Zeke's not here" she said choked. I knew that throaty rasp to well as a signification that Sharpay had been crying about something. And more lately then not, Zeke had been the cause. In the year since we had left east high the tables had turned significantly. Where once Zeke had worshiped the ground Sharpay had walked on for a chance at anything with her seemed to be drifting in the opposite direction and it was now Sharpay trying to hold on to something she had in the closing months of her high school career.

" did he.. move out?" i asked skeptically she sniffed.

" i don't know he just left, we had a fight and he said he was going home" she said. I bit my lip, i still cared about my sister, no matter how much i hated her sometimes and Zeke had been giving her the run around for a while now. He was around for a few weeks living at her place like the proper husband then he would somehow create a dilemma so he could justify his cut and run. But i don't deny that Sharpay could fight dirty and probably didn't make it any harder for him to do it. I tried to remind myself that i shouldn't involve myself in her drama but the least i can do is sit while she complains at me. Since i was already breaking the law by talking on my cell phone while driving i decided to just nip it in the bud and drive over there.

" I'll be there in a few" i hung up the phone without another word. I drove over to her apartment in silence, i didn't even turn on the radio, i just couldn't think of anything but troys face falling when i told him about the one year party. I shouldn't have said anything about it. That's what he was so upset about, if i had just said i was busy he would have never had to know. But then i ran the risk of him finding out later and thinking i still saw chad. I didn't even know if chad was going but regardless i had no desire to see anyone but troy anyway. Last night had been a crazy night it was up then down but mostly up but its ups could cause downs for me later. I wanted to be happy that troy had kissed me but it was all so unreal. He was not in a good place and i took advantage of that by seeing him so often. As much as i have always liked him i cant stand in the way of his life getting back on track and him kissing me was a step in the wrong direction, i didn't need to be making his life harder. Hard as i tried i couldn't stop thinking about it though. I got to Shrpays and she buzzed me up, she was just on the couch in sweats when i got there. Sweats where her upset clothing.

" i don't want to go today" she said sniffing. I rolled my eyes, she was the one forcing me to go and now she didn't want to.

" is Zeke going?" i asked

she frowned and crossed her arms. " i don't know, i don't even care if he goes and jumps off of a canyon" she was always like this when she was angry. She always said things she didn't mean. She had even called me a fag a few times when we had gotten into big arguments about things i couldn't even remember anymore, but i would never forget the words she used to justify her means.

" I'm sure you don't want that" i said siting down on the couch opposite her. " I'm sure he will come around" these where just the kind of things that you had to say to get someone out of a funk. Even if i didn't agree with her or believe her most of the time.

" whats the point of even going?" she said " I'm such a loser, i was the best at east high and now what do i have to show over a year?"

the thing i always hated about Sharpay was she thought nobody could possibly understand or hold a candle to her misery. Like i hadn't gone away to school with dreams only to have them crushed and she is complaining about how she has nothing to show for her efforts. Hello at least you finished your year. " Sharpay you have so, you are a huge help in the theater department at east high still to this day and you had two leads this year at u of a." i said speaking threw my ass. " Zeke, i don't know what to tell you about his he is going to come around or he wont either way you need to grow from it" she smiled threw her tears.

" thanks Ryan" she said " you always know the right thing to say" i smiled and nodded, if only i had a sibling who always knew the _right_ thing to say.

I let her shower as i went to the balcony to smoke. I hated Sharpays balcony, it was to small and she was on the top floor which was pretty high. I didn't mind heights, i liked roller coasters and stuff just the uncontained heights that where bridges and balcony's I would never jump but the the simpleness of it the fact that it was there was scary enough.

I smoked away on the joint knowing i would have to be high to face anyone from east high. For me high school was a necessary hurdle to get to the better parts of life but i never realized how good it could have been and how wrong i was about where my present has led. as youth we always think the next step in life will be better then the one we are taking, kids always want to be adults who which they could be kids again and cant wait till they can retire only to become old and wish they had done more with their lives. I really hope my life doesn't turn out that bleak but as a young adult i could be nothing but pessimistic I went back into the apartment and felt the vibration of my phone once more. " hello?" i said into the receiver.

" hey champ" said the bubbly voice of Naomi threw the phone. I smiled instantly at the girls voice.

"hey Naomi" i said " feeling rough?"

" i always bounce back" she said i sat back down on the couch. "i found your friend on the side of the road this morning, brought him back here" troy! I almost yelled but i kept my composure. " i was wondering where you were but he didn't say anything said it was a long story"

i cringed " i didn't ditch him" i defended " he ditched me he was upset... is he still there can her here this?"

" no no he is in the shower" she said. I looked down at myself and sighed i had been in the same cloths from last night and sharpay didn't even notice.

" yeah thanks for that I'm kind of ruining his life right now" i said.

She scoffed " Ryan he really likes you how are you ruining his life?" she said "okay so you brought him to a party and he ran into someone who didn't like him is that really ruining his life?"

" he kissed me" i confessed and there was silence on the other line. " we where drunk, sorry about the gin, but we where drunk and we where talking and..."

"he kissed you!" she gushed she lowered her tone to a whisper " troy Bolton the boy of your prepubescent dreams kissed you? So whats the problem?"

" the problem is, his life is already on its head i don't want to cause him more issues" i said kicking my feet up on the coffee table. I heard the door to the washroom open and lowered my own voice. " i told you what happened Nay"

" so what happened today?" she asked " why was he so upset today?"

" its just this barbeque, its an east high thing and because, you know why he wouldn't want to go..."

" but you are going" she said flatly not really a question. I stumbled over my tongue for the better part of a minute before she cut me off " why would you go?" she clearly didn't like it. " well i don't blame him then, have fun Ryan" she hung up the phone and i knew she was pissed at me. Her defense mechanism was pretending she didn't care, but she did. I had met Naomi in New York only met. i liked her instantly and we had a lot in common, i think mostly what it was though was her resemblance to Gabriela Montez that did it. Besides Kelsey Gabriela was my only friend we had clicked i understood her and she understood me.

if we both hadn't left in the after math of such a crazy event i don't know what would have become of our friendship. I hated her for what she did to troy someone i barely knew yet loved so much and when i had met Naomi it was like i had found a friend like her again. I never saw her again though not until i got home to Albuquerque. I went to a show down town and she was there, we had been inseparable ever since. She had introduced me to her world, her friends some i liked others not so much...

" who where you talking to?" Sharpay asked strutting towards the couch in her pink bath robe.

" oh" i said putting the phone back into my pocket. " just a friend?"

" Naomi?" she asked as if i had made her up. " when are you going to introduce me to your awesome new friends?"

" probably never" i said. " ever"

she frowned " that's rude" she said " you have gotten so rude Ryan i don't know what has happened"

" yeah well when i was born i didn't pop out of the womb and say I'm Ryan and I'm nice!" i said " so don't act so surprised " i got up off of the couch. I was angry all of the sudden. I didn't want to go to this party but that would contradict what i had just told Sharpay. It was all turning out to be a big mess. " its just... today's going to be..."

"awkward" sharpay finished. " yeah, i wonder if Taylor or Kelsey will show" i thought of Kelsey and it sent another pang of anxiety could i handle seeing the girl who pretty much threw me away? Could i blame her for doing it after what i had done to her. I remember that night, the night i told her i was gay. That was the last night i saw her in new york, she never came back to our apartment she never called until she told me she was moving out. I took a breath, chad Kelsey, Taylor the others it was all to much, and now Zeke walking out on Sharpay it was all going to make the whole day weird.

" why are we doing this?" i asked her desperately. " why are we putting ourselves threw this?, we suck Sharpay we totally suck and we are going to go face the people we thought were beneath us"

" sounds like fun" she said statistically getting up off of the couch. " look no matter what happened in new york no matter what we did in high school I'm walking into this party like i am the head bitch i was and you should do the same" she walked away towards her room and i hung my head back on the couch.

Once Sharpay was ready we left for the Cox house which was where the party was. Martha had always been a contributor as far as parties went, her parents aloud it and her house was almost as big as ours. Sharpay sat there all dolled up and barbie but her face wrote a story of nerves. " if Zeke is there i swear I'm leaving"

" shar" i warned.

" no how dare he" she said " how dare he show up at this party after walking out again!" she put her hand on her head and looked down at her phone, i don't know who she was talking too or if she was even talking to anyone. " where were you last night anyway?"

" oh you know nowhere special " i said she scoffed.

" nowhere special in the same cloths you wore to dinner?" she asked. When i thought about it there was no point in denying.

" i got drunk with troy Bolton" i said with a smirk. She turned her head quickly

" seriously Ryan?" she said in all seriousness.

" you say that like it was a crime" i accused "" and what you did with the wine last night was rude as hell"

she looked away guilty knowing she had fucked up " i know, but i wasn't sure what if i had poured him a glass of wine and he turned to me and said i cant drink" she said " then i would have looked like the fool, not that it makes a difference you sold that pretty well"

" Sharpay he was locked away in a hospital for a year and missed pretty much one of the most important years of his life, do you really think he is on the road of sobriety before he has even reached the drinking age?"

" i don't know Ryan, i just cant look at him the same anymore" she said sadly. " I've tried but after what he did.."

"he was provoked Sharpay" i seethed

" alright alright i get it not this again please, I'm not on side's Ryan no one did the right thing" she said putting her hands up in surrender. " its just ... you didn't tell him anything about.. you know?"

" are you asking if i told him chad and Gabriela are still together?" even saying it hurt, but knowing about it and not being able to tell him hurt even worse. It was one of those things that could completely send him on a downward spiral. " i would never, not now"

" are you going to see him again?"she asked as if she where waiting on the edge of her seat for an answer.

" the possibility is incredibly likely" i said with a small grin. Sometimes i just had to remind myself no matter what shit i have to dredge threw today tomorrow is always a new beginning. No matter what i would see troy again and it would be better then it was this morning.

There where a collection of cars parked on both sides of the street when we pulled up and Sharpay started to fan herself with her hand. "I'm hot, are you hot?"

" its the 1st of July in new Mexico" i said " of course I'm hot, lets just get this over with".

The vivacious Martha opened the door with a contagious smile that lighted both Sharpay and my spirit considerably. " if its not the dynamic duo themselves!" she gushed all rosy cheeked and bubbly like i remember her. Yet her sentiment couldn't further from the truth, Sharpay and i where far from being a dynamic duo.

" Martha!" i gushed back " its been too long" it was time to start learning how to use my acting chops. Martha guided us threw the house to the back yard where several other classmates where already gathered talking eating chex mix and awkwardly staring at people they didn't like. When me and sharpay walked into the room it was like everyone had lost their voice. I rolled my eyes and made my way to the closest keg. Sharpay hung off of my shoulder like i used to hang off of her. " why don't you go mingle?"

" why don't you?" she said right back

" i am mingling, with beer" i said topping off my red cup. She made a loud throaty groan. " why don't you have one, it'll loosen you up"

" i don't need to loosen up" she hissed.

" no... not at all" i said walking away sipping on my beer. It was cold at least but it was the cheapest stuff you could find. I sat on a lawn chair in the grass with my cup and watched the people i used to want to fit in with laugh and reminisce about times they had. I didn't have a lot of times with most of them, my times where great and short lived just like my friendships.

" you look like you are having fun" said a familiar voice. I turned to see someone i wasn't sure i wanted to see looking down at me. My heart began to race.

" hey chad" i said breathlessly. Flashes of troy blur my vision. "long time"

" yeah it has been a while" he said putting both of his hands in his pockets. " just get here?" the awkwardness was thick in the afternoon humidity.

" yeah , about five minutes ago" i said nodding.

" its... its weird being here i guess" he said biting his lip. I just sat there looking into my cup. I didn't want to look at him because i could see how much his face had changed, after troy had changed it. It made me sick, to think of all the shit we had all gone threw.

" we don't belong here" i said flatly stone faced like a statue otherwise i might start to cry. because it was true, there was no place for any of us here, people where here to have fun and we knew there was none to be found for us so why did we show up? Me , Sharpay , chad why had any of us shown up at all? We should have been smart we should have left east high behind with the good memories and the bad ones. I got up and started to walk away from chad across the yard back to the keg to refill my cup. He didn't make to follow and i stopped There was no one around us so i took the opportunity i never thought i would be bold enough to take. " do you regret it, what you did?" i said turning around.

He frowned " do i regret being in love with her?" he said , i wanted to lunge across the grass at him for his stupid heart aching bullshit cop out of an assumption that that was the answer i was looking for. Love concurs all, how could you hate a man in love even if he had to stab his best friend in the back to do it? It made me feel sick " i cant say i do" he said. i chuckled to stop myself from vomiting, troy deserved better then chad for a best friend and he deserved better then Gabriela for a girlfriend.

" well then I'm glad you got what you wanted" i said venomously " even if it was at the expense of countless others, you selfish ...cunt!" i dropped the cup to the ground and marched across the grass towards Sharpay who was standing with a glass of champagne sticking out like a soar thumb. " lets go" i said seething with anger.

"are you sure?" she asked concerned with a mix of relief.

" i have never been more sure" i said. A wave of relief passed over Sharpays face as we left threw the house Martha looked a little put off by our lack of effort in trying to have a good time but she could think what she wanted this party was no place for us, high school was over.

A/N: chapter 5 is up and i hope you liked our little hike into Ryan's head, next chapter is troy again but it focuses allot on my original character Naomi. i haven't decided if i want to give her a point of view or not but there will be one for sharpay in the near future so look forward to it thanks for reading.


	6. Chapter 6

disclaimer: i do not own high school musical... yet ( mua mua mua)

Chapter 6: its always a good time.

Troy

" its 1 in the afternoon" i said skeptically as i looked across the table at Naomi pouring two shots of tequila.

" yeah but i need you drunk for what we are about to do" she said "not so drunk that you are out of control, just tipsy enough that you think you get a superiority complex"

i looked at the small brunette stunned " why?" i asked curious. We had gotten back to Naomi's after she had refused to tell me where we where going and then she told me to have a shower. For some reason she had a lot of man's clothing in her closet something about always stealing something off of a guy when she takes him home. I had never been around a girl so open about her sex life but i wasn't exactly complaining. she Let me pick a shirt and shorts so i wouldn't spend the rest of my day in cloths i had worn the day before. She assured me they where all washed.

"do the freaking shot!" she snapped, i took the shot glass and salted my hand we did the shots on three and sucked on the lemon, i could still taste the alcohol though" how do you feel about party crashing?" she said raising her eyebrows back and fourth. The gesture was funny but I didn't know what she was getting at.

" depends on the party and how much treble its going to cause" i said flatly. I wasn't about t go picking fights. She poured another shot and slid it down the table, i was going to quickly get overwhelmed at this rate but didn't want to look like a wuss and say no, we did the shot lick shot suck and this time i began to feel the buzz

" you're no fun troy" she said

" maybe you're just too much" i said, she smirked and poured two more shots. I shook my head in protest. " I'm not doing another shot Naomi"

" take the fucking shot!" she said i took the shot and began to feel woozy. " okay that will do, we're crashing the east high one year party"

my eyes widened and i felt the pang of nerves set in " i don't think i want to do that" i said shaking my head. She went to grab the tequila again but i took the bottle. " no , I'm not ready to go there drunk or not"

" troy!" she said with a warm smile " face your demons"

The way she said it was as if it would be so easy a thing to do, aside from it being a little inappropriate the idea didn't even sound appealing. " how did you even know about the stupid party anyway?"

" i called Ryan while you where in the shower" she said " said you ditched him"

I felt a pang of guilt " he said that?" i asked a little crushed, i didn't want Ryan to be upset with me, i did like him there was something about him i was drawn too.

" in so many words yeah" she said " then he told me about the party, i was against it the second i heard about it, he doesn't belong there"

" what are you Ryan's keeper?" i asked a little taken back. I know they are friends but who was she really to be making that kind of call?

" no, I'm his friend" she said " unlike you" i frowned and grilled her.

" i am so his friend" i said defending myself. Who was she to make such assumptions? I had known Ryan for years.

"oh yeah?" she asked with a smirk. " all those years you ignored him in high school sounds like great friendship, me and Ryan talk troy, i know a lot about him and i know a lot about you"

i stared at her unbelieving, what could she possibly know about me? She said so herself Ryan and i weren't friends so why would he talk to her about me? " you're going to come back to Albuquerque and suddenly have an interest in Ryan that's great but what is that worth if you aren't there to help him?"

i had never thought about it that way, i had never thought i needed to help him, i didn't know much about him to begin with, i know what he told me about new york what he had gone through maybe he was just as broken as i was and i was to self involved to notice. He had changed , just like i had. " oh my god" i said hitting my head off of the table. I needed to suck it up i needed to go to this party if not for me i had to do it for Ryan. I poured two shots and we took them back and now i could feel the spinning feeling in my head. "lets just do this" she smiled and jumped excitedly.

" sick, I'll drive" she said with a wink getting up and crossing the room. I was narrowing my poor judgement down to alcohol and it was pretty much Naomi's plan, the fact that Gabriela used to be able to get me to do anything plagued my mind as i watched Naomi pull on her boots.

" seriously?" i asked " drinking and driving?"

she scoffed " troy i am not drunk" she said " i have quite the tolerance and i also have confidence in my driving skills" i wish i could say the same.

" just try not to kill me" i mocked.

" pshhh Danica Patrick bitch!" she said throwing up gang signs, i stood up and followed her across her apartment stumbling a little in my buzzed state. " whoa there ya lush!" she punched my arm and we left the apartment, her in devious excitement and me in nervous trepidation.

In the drive over my leg kept shaking and Naomi kept taking her eyes off of the road to watch my leg shake and it really only made things worse. " did i say Martha, i meant... i meant, shit"

" there is no avoiding this troy" she said with a snicker. I rolled my eyes.

" i could always just not tell you where she lives" i said " did you think of that?"

she turned and looked at me impatiently and i looked at the road in front of us, she was still looking at me " troy..." she said i was beginning to get a little nervous, a light was coming up and if she didn't start paying attention soon she would run right threw it.

"Naomi..." i responded looking back at the road. The light was only a few yards away now and the traffic was going the other way.

" troy" she said pointedly. She wasn't going to stop, this girl was that stubborn that she would run a red light and possibly cause a fatality for the both of us. Out of nowhere i heard the screech of the tires turning and the horns of other cars honking as we turned at the intersection onto birch and continued down birch all the while Naomi looked right at me with seductive impatience.

" 1100 Alexandria drive" i said " Jesus, you could have killed the both of us, are you sure you aren't drunk... whats wrong with you?"

" troy how old are you 50?" she asked with a giggle, i was starting to get a little annoyed by her care free nature. I thought Ryan was care free and now i know where he got it from , Naomi was ridiculously reckless and as much as it annoyed me i found it incredibly attractive. I had never met a girl who drank like a father and lacked the social graces of a mother.

" you cant just do stuff like that" i said

" why not?" she asked simply and even though there where so many reason i could give my mouth could not produce them, it was illegal but so was underage drinking and pot and b&e at the old house on green tarries and sleeping in a public park may be legal but is no doubt frowned upon. I had done enough less than respectable things in the short time i had been back in the real world what was one more thing?

" i guess no reason" i said settling into my seat more comfortably now that she was paying attention to the road. She put both hands on the wheel for the first time on both rides i had taken from her.

" rule one" she said with a devilish smile. " don't take anything to seriously, you're 19 have some fun before there is none to be had"

i nodded, as crazy as it was i needed to start embracing things and stop finding reasons not to do them, this party for example was soothing i shouldn't be worried about, there is nothing wrong with me going and if i feel awkward at all i have no doubt Naomi will be either the reason or the remedy. I took a deep breath as we closed in on Maratha's street. " okay what do we do now, what do we do?" my hands where clammy and the glare of the sun was hurting my eyes and my hangover.

" we chill first of all" she said parallel parking on the street. She pulled out a compact mirror and a stick of eyeliner. " do you know how to do a wide cat eye?" she asked.

I looked at her incredulously " no!" i said she sucked her teeth. " why would you even think i could do a... what the fuck is a cat eye?"

" Ryan knows what it is" she said.

" yeah well Ryan also lived under his sisters rock for his whole life you pick up a few things when Sharpay Evans is you're sister" i said and i knew it was true because until i started getting to know her i had no idea my complexion favoured turquoise. I shook out the thought.

" ugh don't even get me started about her" she said " valley girl with out the valley"

" shes not that bad" i found myself defending her why? I have no idea. But i was. " she cares about Ryan a lot, that's all that matters to me"

" yeah okay she said unconvinced getting out of the car. It seemed Naomi knew best weather she did or not was unknown. I don't know why it annoyed me when she said that stuff about Sharpay, i was not a huge Sharpay fan to begin with but something about the way she said it like she knows her because she knows a million girls like her. When it comes down to it Sharpay may be a stereotypical blond rich bitch but Ryan was once just a clone of that, regardless of how he felt or how he is now that is how people saw him, hell that's how i saw him. I couldn't help but try and suppress the feeling that maybe the new Ryan was a creation of Naomi's doing.

We walked to the crowded cox household and it made me wonder if Maratha's parents where home at all , and if they where would they have a problem with me being there? If Naomi knew i was walking beside her internally freaking she would make me take a shot. I felt drops of sweat dripping down my back and i took a shakey breath, i had never been both hot and bone numbingly cold at the same time before but there was a first for everything. " i can hear your teeth like the click of a keyboard Bolton" she scoffed intertwining our arms. I looked down at the connection and blushed. She laughed " oh no honey this is just for show, cant let them think you came alone... and don't act like you could find a hotter piece of fake girlfriend ass lover boy" her confidence made me grin in amusement. Anytime i doubted this girl she made me laugh or said something that changed my mind she was perfectly imperfect.

We walked up the front steps and i felt a tinge better then i had thirty seconds ago upon getting out of the car. But before we had time to knock the door burst open Sharpay stood there stunned i saw Ryan standing behind sharpay saying bye to someone awkwardly he turned and saw me at the door.

"troy?" he asked with a look of confusion.

"troy!" sharpay said with a plastered smile the sentiment made me want to laugh because clearly from the look written on her face shit was about to hit the fan.

" sharpay!" i said with the same enthusiasm. She giggled like someone who didn't find anything the least bit funny.

" sharpay?" Naomi asked from beside me sizing up Ryan's sister for the first time, Sharpay gave her a pointed look and Ryan rolled his eyes.

"Naomi..." he said flatly

Sharpays head snapped to look at Ryan and an amused smirk replaced her bewildered humiliation. " Naomi?" it was clear Sharpay was interested in meeting Ryan's friends though i believe this was the first time it has actually happened. Ryan though was not having it, he took a hold of my hand and yanked me down the steps.

" ha ha we all have names, awesome! leaving now" Ryan said unimpressed. I let him pull me and Sharpay and Naomi looked at the interaction with raised eyebrows. " what are you doing here?" he asked and i was a little caught off guard, he had said himself this morning i could come if i wanted so why was he so bent out of shape about it?

" um because i wanted to come" i said " to see you" he blushed and looked down. Sharpay and Naomi looked on from the door and i couldn't imagine how awkward it was for the both of them to be next to each other having heard about each other for so long but never actually meeting. And on top of that wondering about why ryan and i where so awkward.

" well it was a bad idea" he said.

" why was it a bad idea?" Naomi chimed in walking towards us.

" well for starters, life runnier" he said accusingly " chad is here" he looked at me searchingly. I felt the pit of my stomach turn as i looked on towards the house. I didn't want to see chad, ever i would go the rest of my life and never want to see him.

" chad" i said in just a breath.

" yeah i sort of just called him a cunt" he confessed " so... i don't know, do you still want to go in? We can if you want"

" no" i said looking him in the eyes. " I'm done with that" i looked down at his hand and absentmindedly squeezed it and Sharpay cleared her throat.

" are you two like together?" she asked standing awkwardly at the front door of Maratha's house. He quickly let go of my hand and i felt a little hurt but knew it was for the best for now that no one knows.

" yeah sorry about that" he said blushing in embarrassment.

" seriously?" Naomi sighed " we aren't even going to go to this lame party?" me and Ryan both shook our heads chuckling at the irony that he was just about to leave when i arrived.

" why did you call chad a cunt?" i asked curious. Ryan's face grew a shade more red and he chocked on his words for a few seconds before Naomi decided that what she had to say was more important.

" well now that that is settled" she said " get in the jeep both of you" i rolled my eyes at her demand as i dwelled on the question Ryan never got to answer. " if i am not drinking here i am drinking at home"

" no Naomi" Ryan stopped her she sucked her teeth. " you shouldn't have brought troy to this party, after what i told you" he said and my face scrunched in suspicion as to what he had told her, had he told her of my past? Well of coarse if he hadn't josh would have but i wanted to know how long Ryan had been telling Naomi about me, how long had Ryan's feeling for me been rooted? " you think everything is a good time but its not, people could have gotten hurt tonight"

" Ryan i thought i was doing what was best" Naomi said calmly looking down at her boots.

" you think everything you do is the best" he mocked

" its because i am awesome" she said " now are you getting in the car or not?" Ryan looked back at the house and we all noticed sharpay still standing there looking like a child who wasn't invited to play with the rest of the kids, it was a look she had mastered during her more devious phases.

" we cant just ditch sharpay" i said out of nowhere. Naomi looked like she wanted to say something clever but Ryan pinched her.

" well are you coming or where you planing on becoming a mannequin at forever 21 with that deer caught in a headlights posture!?" sharpays raised an eyebrow but none the less walked down the steps towards us.

" are you always this...?" i started.

" retarded?" Ryan suggested, Naomi answered that with a punch to both of our shoulders. I rubbed my arm surprised by the small girls force.

" suck my dick Ryan" she said getting into the jeep.

A/N: so another chapter up and ready for reading, i hope someone out there is liking it, thank you to those who have left reviews next chapter is in progress


	7. Chapter 7

Disclaimer: I do not won high school musical it belongs to the evil empire that is Disney.

Chapter 7: the ass hole and the bitch.

Sharpay

I looked on from the island in the kitchen as Zeke cheered along with Jason and chad. I never actually let Zeke know that i enjoyed watching the games sometimes. He would only feel insulted that i had more interest in football then i have ever had in basketball. It was only the preseason so i had no idea why they had to get in such an uproar. He had showed up a week after the day of the barbeque and as much as i wanted to tell him to hit the road i always caved where he was concerned. But today i felt like used. Like he was pushing my buttons to see how far i will let him go.

My mind drifted to a few weeks ago the unbelievable party at Naomi's apartment. I was not sold at first the neighbourhood had me sceptical at best but as soon as we crossed the threshold from outside to the small quaint apartment, rules no longer applied. It was just the four of us at first then more arrived. I remembered one boy, sweet josh. He was just a silly flirt, not the real thing not what i had with Zeke.

I felt my phone vibrate again and sighed. He was relentless in his pursuits though. " I'm just glad he didn't open his big mouth" Ryan said the next morning over coffee.

" he actually apologized" troy explained. I was lost in the conversation but Ryan soon explained how he started in on troy the night before. I smiled synthetically and troy shrugged.

" well it doesn't matter" she said " its not like we decided to elope it was just nice to do something different then hang out with the real couples of u of a". my eyes found the flat screen as the boys cheered and i realized they where celebrating being up my 12 after the first quarter.

" i swear dude" Jason said.

"is there a reason they let him out?" chad scoffed and i felt my face getting red with humiliation for some reason. I had no idea what they where talking about but i had a feeling they where talking about troy.

" who sleeps in a park?" Zeke asked. I felt a pang of anger inside me. Ryan was with troy that night.

" i don't know dude" Jason said. " he was probably drunk" they laughed as i looked on clenching. My feelings had always been foggy on the subject of right and wrong with what troy did but seeing him again having fun like he used to it was eye opening, yeah he had changed, what he went threw changes people he was moving on from it and he was not a dangerous person.

" that reminds me" chad said looking over his shoulder at me. "you're brother called me a cunt the other day" i glared at him.

" so..?" i asked. What the fuck am i going to do about what my brother said to him?

" so maybe you should tell him to learn some respect" he said with a smirk, Jason and Zeke laughed. I looked at all three of them unbelieving. I wanted to throw something. The old me would have smashed a glass on the all above the TV but i let out a steady breath instead.

" what would a cheater know about respect?" i seethed. The boys fell silent. Chad looked at me with venom, as if what i said was sacred and unspoken of. I don't know why i was defending troy but i was. He was a good person that i know now.

" that was low Sharpay" Zeke said shocked " Jesus" what a surprise Zeke takes his friends side over mine.

" what's low is you sitting here bad mouthing my brother and my friends" i defended.

" i didn't know you where friends with troy" Zeke said. He had been reluctant to even speak to troy after that first night he had come for dinner.

" did you forget what he did?" Jason asked.

" did you forget whose house this is?" i asked sarcastically. I glared at chad. " i don't care what happened between you and troy and Gabriela but in my house keep your garbage to yourself"

" you don't know shit Sharpay" chad snapped in anger" so shut your mouth and tell your faggot brother to shut his." the closest glass was in my hand at that point. I was livid i wanted chad to feel how it felt to hear those words. I threw it and he ducked and it hit the TV smashing the plasma screen. The boys looked on in horror.

"Sharpay!" Zeke yelled.

" get the fuck out!" i yelled " get out of my house" i pointed towards the door. " and stay the fuck away from my brother and troy!" the boys stood and Zeke looked at the TV then back at Sharpay.

" you guys better leave" Zeke said. They wasted no time.

" you too" i let out an unsteady breath i felt the tears coming to my eyes my built up anger bottled ready to explode. " how dare you, how dare you let him say that...I'm tired of this of you"

"Sharpay?" he asked sullen.

" go!" i shrieked. He looked at me like i was crazy but i didn't care. I didn't care about chad or my TV or Zeke. He left after his friends and i held back from screaming out after him. Fuck him fuck all of them, Fuck chad most of all.

Troy was his best friend." you don't have to say anything Sharpay" troy had said siting down on the steps of the fire escape. The night was humid and my hair was frizzy and damp, his skin glossed like an immortal Adonis.

" i know" i said " i just wanted to say i didn't mean to offend you if i did" i had been a bitch last night with the wine and all, Zeke was not sold on seeing troy i was sceptical.

" i understand why you might think I'm crazy" he said.

" i don't think you are crazy troy..." i said quickly he smiled warmly.

" i understand why you where sceptical" he said " i did a bad thing i was reckless but just..." he was clearly thinking about the experience. I had always wondered how it could have been so traumatizing to be broken up with... i never understood what drove him to beat chad in cold flesh.

" troy?" i asked " what happened?" i wasn't sure if i was overstepping my boundaries i wasn't sure if he was comfortable talking about it but i knew what i knew and i wanted to know the truth.

He looked out over the ally. " what brought me to violence?" he asked. I nodded and he bit his lip.

" i walked in on them" he said " in her room" i was bewildered for a moment. I searched his face, did he know the lies did he knew what everyone thought what everyone thought he did and why? It brought on nausea for a brief moment. He studied me.

"why what do you know?" he asked curious. I wanted to tell him, i wanted to tell him what chad was throwing around as the truth the stores being told behind his back.

I couldn't. " i hadn't really heard anything" i said with a shrug. I wondered if my brother had delved into fake truths.

I had picked the fight with chad. I had chose to insult him and i had done it because i couldn't bring myself to do anything else in his presence. Poor Taylor, i hadn't scene her since graduation, did she know the truth did she know how it had all gone down. Had chad had enough respect for her to at least share the truth with her? I collapsed to the floor in tears. I was alone again, i had told Zeke to leave with his awful friends and i was alone. I felt my phone buzz and let out a loud scream and tore it from my pocket throwing it across the apartment.

I cried for a few minutes on my carpet. The silence was deafening and depressing. I heard the familiar sound of poker face flowing threw the room and my head lifted off of the floor. I got up and walked across the room to where i had thrown my phone. Thank god i had wall to wall carpeting threw out the house except for the kitchen and bathroom, carpet didn't belong in a bathroom. i Picked it up and wiped my eyes before answering the number was unknown. " hello?"

" hey Sharpay?" asked the sceptical male voice on the other end.

" who is this?" i asked my voice horse and strained.

" are you okay...? he asked concerned " oh its josh, josh from Naomi's ?" he said to jog my memory, but it was already jogged. I couldn't forget him and how he had clung to me in hopes of something. Just like every other guy.

" i told you i have a boyfriend" i said strained and annoyed by his constant texts and advances. " leave me alone!"

" I'm sorry" he said. I felt a little bad but i knew i shouldn't, guys like josh only wanted one thing and i was not going to just hook up with a random guy not when i had a boy friend. I thought of Zeke and immediately felt sick to my stomach. I really hated him at the moment. Him and Jason , they where so stupid they didn't know the truth and they believed everything Chad told them. A part of me wondered why i should care at all what they think or how they see troy or treat him. If i hadn't gone to Naomi's that night i might have sat here tonight and said nothing.

" no" i said softly. " I'm the one who should be sorry, i was kind of a bitch just now" he scoffed.

" its okay" he said coolly. It was almost attractive, the tone of his voice. It was deep yet intelligent. I had to admit he was good looking of coarse i wouldn't admit it to myself, i had a commitment to Zeke but right now that seems less important. This wasn't an argument like we have had before. I have never had to argue with him about my brother, i had never been put in the situation where i would have to choose, is that what this was now? It was clear that they would never choose troy no matter how much time goes by, but Ryan had chosen Troy and Ryan is my brother.

" what are you doing right now?" i asked out of nowhere. Now it was like i was the one who was coming off to strong. " I'm just, i sort of need to be distracted."

" i can be a fun distraction" he said suggestively and i giggled. "what did you have in mind?"

i thought on that. I had no idea, in a regular world a girl and a guy meeting up meant sex. But that was not what i wanted right now, was that what he thought this was? " I'm not having sex with you" i blurted he laughed on the other end.

" I'm not a cheating enabler" he said " I'm not interested in sex"

" really?" i asked not believing it for a second.

" well obviously but, I'm not some nympho" he defended " look text me your address and i will come grab you and from there you will just have to roll with the punches"

" is that right?" even though he was cocky i found it all so sexy in a way. Zeke, he was always more submissive then anything when it came to conversations or our relationship in a nutshell. " attire?" i asked causally.

" no girly cloths" he said " jeans, and then whatever i don't care"

" alright then" i said " by the way why did you're number come up as unknown when you called?"

" pay phone" he said " i have unlimited text and nothing else"

" oh" i said " well see you soon"

" you're actually gong to text me the address right?" he asked skeptically." you're not just fucking with me and going to hang up the phone are you?"

i thought about it for a moment, i hadn't even thought about it till now but clearly he had. He was really interested it seemed. " no, i wouldn't do that"

" okay" he said back in his cool deep voice. " see you soon then" i nodded and then realized he couldn't see me nodding threw the phone. I rolled my eyes at my own stupidity.

" yeah" i said " looking forward to it."

i got ready slower then i thought. i Thought about josh, tall tanned dirty blond hair not unlike Ryan,s. That night he was in a simple red and black striped tank top and black shorts. I needed to be simple, it would do no good to where designer today i think. I ended up going with a pair of tight blue jean shorts a white tank top with a leather vest over it. I pulled my hair back into a pony tale leaving my bangs to fall in front of my eyes. For make up i used the style that Naomi had shown me. " less is more" she had told me cross legged on her bed. " except for the eyes, the eyes are your playground" she dragged the liner across the edge of my upper lid. " guys will gawk at your ass and your tits but making him come that comes in at the eyes"

i smiled at myself in the mirror. When i thought about it i hadn't been out in a really long time when i did it was always with Zeke and his friends, never to do anything i wanted to do. I never went to collage parties or mixers or club nights. I thought about my year at u of a. Instead of being the vibrant centre stage diva i had always been i had lost my zeal tight off the bat and had fallen into the category of basket balers girlfriend like so many other plastic bobble heads.

I could admit i was blond and sometimes i could be an air head but i was more then a basketball players girlfriend. I shook off the thought and decided i would wait in the lobby for josh to get here. I'm not really sure i liked the new door woman. It used to be this old man who was friendly to everyone who lived inside the building but suspicious of everyone who didn't. Now it was a woman with a polish accent who looked like she didn't want to be there. I didn't need to sit down because as i was approaching the door i saw a motorcycle pull up and was surprised to see josh.

" you ride a motorcycle" i said as if i had nothing to be surprised about . he did seem like the type to either ride a motorcycle or a wave.

" yeah" he said hopping off and taking off his helmet. " thought it would be a surprise."

" well I'm surprised so yeah" i said nervously knowing that now i was expected to get on the back. He unclasped another helmet this one didn't have a visor but it was a helmet none the less.

" would you be more comfortable with my helmet?" he asked. I was surprised by his chivalry but was hesitant to accept. For some reason i felt like i had something to prove with josh. There was something about him. Cool good looking tall and confident. Ozzing with confidence, he could have any girl he wanted and here was here with this high maintenance bitch. I could here my brother in the back of my head. "you're not just any girl sharpy" i shook my head.

" no I'm fine with that one" i said taking it from his hands. " where are we going anyway?"

" you will see" he said with a smile that left butterflies in my stomach. Although they where nothing compared to the feeling i got when we where clear of the city and racing down the open roads of New Mexico. I felt alive , free. It was a rush i had never experienced and i could not hold my excitement.

He laughed along as we went faster and faster. I knew what we where doing was dangerous and illegal and it went against everything i used to think. Even though it was all of those things i couldn't feel more safe. I held his waste his chiseled chest flexed as he twisted and turned down the desert road, cars passing us like a blur." having fun!?" he yelled over the purr of the wind in our ears.

" yes!" i said simply screaming out.

" hungry?" he asked. It was a random question while speeding threw the desert. I hadn't eaten dinner yet but it was only seven so i knew i could eat anytime.

" I'm fine" i said he slowed and pulled off of the road onto a dirt road taking it up to a cliff trail. He parked and we got off the bike. " where are we?"

" just a place i like to come" he said he opened up the side compartments on his bike and took out a lunch box and a blanket. I bit my lip. He planed a picnic? It was cute and no boy had ever done that for me. Zeke would make me food all the time and it was amazing but this was something different. It made me think of troy and the crush i had harboured for so long and how heart broken i was the day he had picnicked with Gabriela at lava springs. I had wished it was me, that day and i let my jealousy control me.

Times like that i hated myself, i blamed myself. Maybe if you weren't such a bitch troy would have liked you, and you would have never cheated on him not like she did. Josh took a hold of my hand and i zoned back in. " ready?" he asked with a toothy grin. It was contagious and i returned it letting him take the lead.

The trails where no place for heals so once again i sighed a breath of relief that i had decided to wear flat boots. At some parts we had to climb a few rocks and towards the end it was more of a climb then anything but once we reached the top i knew why he liked to come here. The rock is smooth and warm from the sun and you can see the whole desert and more importantly the orange sun was minutes away from setting over the cliffs on the horizon.

" this is beautiful" i said he laid down the blanket. " so is this how you get into all of the girls pants?" i meant it as a joke but he looked seriously taken aback.

" no actually" he said " I've only ever come here alone" his words settled into me.

" really?" i asked surprised. If he had only come here by himself before now why was he bringing me here now? " why did you bring me here then?" i arched my eyebrow.

" when i called you seemed... upset, i figured you could use some cheering up" it had worked, It had worked a lot. I had forgotten about the days events and wished i could clear them from my memory. What had happened to to all of us?

" again, I'm sorry about that" i said

" its okay, you're a bitch i get that" he said. Blush crept over my face at the insult. " don't worry i didn't mean it in a bad way"

" there's a good way of being a bitch?" i asked.

" yeah" he said like it was obvious. " look i know what its like to be a little bit more real then everyone else. You see things how they are so do i, i can admit i am kind of an ass hole, the first time i met troy off of the court i let my moth get ahead of me and was a complete dick"

" why was that by the way?" i asked. I had heard what he had said.

" i don't know i guess its a dominance thing" he said shrugging " but if i had known he was gay i probably wouldn't have said anything" i let out a honk of a laugh.

" troy gay?" i asked " troy is not gay, Ryan is but troy is straight"

" are you sure?" he asked " i mean he and Ryan are pretty tight"

" troy is just... really lost right now" i said " his old friends want nothing to do with him and well Ryan just has more compassion then the rest of us"

" that's true" he granted but i could sense his doubt. And even i doubted it. That day at Maratha's when Ryan held troys hand. " i don't know its not my business" the idea seemed really unlikely, you don't just go away for a year and become gay. But when i thought about it troy had never dated anyone before Gabi and even that wasn't as real as he had thought it was. I shook my head. He was right it was not our business. Right now i was watching the sun set over Albuquerque and even though i had the gnawing anxiety that if Zeke knew about this it would be over for us, i couldn't help but smile.

A/N: okay i know its been a while since we have scene any Ryan troy action and i can tell you it is coming soon, but i needed to open up to more characters and get the story on the track it needs to be on. Thanks to everyone reading and i hope you enjoyed this chapter.


	8. Chapter 8

Disclaimer: I do not own high school musical, I've merely created its dark side

Chapter 8: Too summer

Ryan

My head was hanging off of my bed in boredom. It had been three days since i had last seen troy and it would be four more till i actually got to see him again. He was spending a week at his aunts in Texas. His parents wanted him to do something besides well that was just it i didn't know what his parents thought. They knew he hung out with me so it was hard not to think they thought i was the problem. I tried not to dwell on it. Troy would do what he wanted at the end of the day and no week long trip to Texas would change that.

To be honest he was looking forward to going, the age difference between troys father and his younger sister is 16 years with jack Bolton being forty two troy says his aunt Jenna is easily relate-able.

I hadn't shared my feelings with troy on the subject of his parents disapproval of me, for one i didn't know if it was true and for two i wasn't sure where i stood with troy on the best of times. He hadn't breached much further then gentle groping. We talked a lot about everything interests movies that we often watched and other things too but besides the occasional cuddle we where nothing but comfortable friends. I couldn't complain about that but i would be a liar if i said i didn't wish i could have more. But i couldn't push, i could never push not again.

I called Sharpay again. " Sharpay pick up your phone" i said into the answering machine. To be honest after Naomi,s party after all of the beef had bee squashed and ice had been broken i had noticed my sister was rather more tolerable then she used to be. I had the sneaking suspicion she was seeing josh but i let that roll off my back. I wasn't going to touch that with a ten foot poll. All i knew was that Zeke was out of the picture for now, but a two weeks is unusual even for him.

I decided after the third attempt that i would just make my own fun while troy was away. Naomi was at work tonight and i honestly didn't feel like going to her bar and watching two drunks fight. I decieded i would go to the movies. It was not odd for me to go to the movies myself i always used to do it. I decided i wouldn't go to the multiplex but instead went to the showcase theatre downtown. They always had great classics for cheap and i never saw anyone i knew that way i could get away with going by myself. Today they where showing the breakfast club and 16 candles in a double feature. There was nothing i loved more then the brat pack, molly Ringwald really was at her prime back then.

I drove downtown and parked at a meter, i was starving but the movie was starting at 7 so i decided i would just stop at a hot dog vender. As i was paying biting into the delicious street meat i felt a hand on my shoulder. " Ryan?" i turned around to see Taylor looking back at me. A smile crept upon my face when the realization set in.

" Taylor oh my god how are you?" i asked pulling her into a hug making sure i got none of my hotdog toppings on her.

" I'm good how are you i feel like its been forever" she said i nodded it had been a year if i remember. None of us had scene much of Taylor last summer. " are you going into the theatre?"

" yeah" i said " are you?"

she smiled " yeah Kelsey is finding a spot on the street I'm to get the tickets" she said. A lump formed in my throat at the mention of the little composer. Last time i saw her she hated me. She didn't even know that i had left new york not unless she went back to my apartment and found my stuff gone. Though it was still my apartment now it just sat there empty. She noticed my sullen demeanour change and arched her eyebrow but said nothing. " well now that you're here do you want to sit with us?"

I had mixed emotions about the idea. I wanted nothing more then to do so but with my past with Kelsey i don't even know if she would even want to see me again. And then i wondered if Taylor knew about what happened between us. That i was gay and that i broke her heart. " i mean sure that sounds great" i said not knowing what else to say. I had already said i was going to the movie i couldn't just abandon ship now i would look crazy.

The street was busy on a Friday night with people coming and going to bars and other appointments. " its so good to see you, i just got back a few days ago"

" so late into the summer?" i asked

she nodded with a grin. " i met a few girlfriends on my floor and one of them had a huge estate in Connecticut that we crashed at for a few weeks."

" wow that sounds fun" i said feeling bitter sweet. I wanted those things for myself once upon a time. Life long friends goofy antics and the fun of living university life, the dancers life. But i blew that.

" what about you, you must have some crazy new york stories?" she asked. I felt the nausea coming on at the mention of my big city dream failure.

" yeah well..."

"Taylor!?" i heard Kelsey shout from the other side of the street. I never would have thought i would be happy to hear her voice i suppose under any other circumstance. Taylor started waving her arms over her head like a crazy person and i just stood there hands in pocket feeling awkward. I don't know why this always happens but it does i always find myself in awkward situations even when i set out to just see a fucking movie. Its like life is telling me I'm just one of those people who should just stay in his house.

" over here Kels" she called. Kelsey manoeuvre her way threw the crowd with a smile on her face.

" holly crap its busy out here" she said as she approached and then she saw me and her face painted a completely different picture. " Ryan?" she said in almost awe mixed in with loathing.

" hey Kelsey" i said with a half wave. Taylor could sense the tension but didn't let it phase her.

" i just ran into Ryan here and he just so happens to be going to see the same movie" she said with a big genuine grin. " i figured it could be like a little reunion since i missed the actual one, did either of you go?"

" i didn't get there till later" Kelsey said looking down at her shoes

" i went briefly in the afternoon" i said that was certainly one way of saying i went there called your x a cunt and then left.

" well maybe ill swing by Maratha's and see what she has been up too to make up for it" Taylor was always a people pleaser. We bought our tickets and it became clear that Taylor was going to be the middle man for the duration of the night. Neither i nor Kelsey talked to each other, Kelsey would talk to Taylor and i would talk to Taylor. Once we where in the theatre it was much less awkward because all we had to do was sit there in the dark and watch the movie. But it was also time i spent thinking, dwelling on the past. I could see the resentment written all over Kelsey's face.

I decided maybe 25 minutes into the movie that maybe the breakfast club was not the best choice for three people whose fucked up lives could probably hold a candle to the characters in the movie. There was a brief intermission between the two films and i would have been glad to just sit there but my bladder wouldn't allow it. I went to the wash room with the few other men who had come to see these movies and relived myself of the extra large root beer. I decided a refill was in order for the second movie so i went to the concision stand.

I noticed Taylor and Kelsey had not stayed in their seats either but where standing by the front door. My face felt a little arm at the idea that they might be leaving.

" are you coming or not?" Kelsey asked her impatiently.

" i want to watch sixteen candles" Taylor said " are you sure you have to leave?"

" its my mom Taylor" Kelsey said " she needs my help i cant just say no" in the back of my mind i knew it was not her mom, she just couldn't stand being around me and she didn't want Taylor to know.

" well okay " she said " i guess I'll call you"

Kelsey looked unimpressed but agreed and left the theatre. I was a little embarrassed at the fact that my mere presence had just ruined their ladies night. I refilled my drink and ordered a large popcorn. Taylor walked over to me perplex written all over her face.

" she left" Taylor said unbelieving " not to sound rude or anything but, what the hell happened between the two of you?" i didn't blame her for wanting to know after what we had put her threw tonight.

" you're the most tolerant person i know Taylor" i said with the utmost trust. " which is why i need to tell you"

" you're gay" she said flatly. Okay i guess it was pretty obvious. " i think most of us already knew that" she said " no offence"

" none taken" i said " although in Kelsey case..."

" there was a lot taken?" she asked she but her lip and patted me on the shoulder. " she will get over it"

" yeah well it doesn't look like it is happening any time soon" i grimaced. I didn't want to have to worry about it. I already worried about so much, my future, troys future, my self esteem a number of other offenders flowed threw my mind and Kelsey was one of them but not the most important.

" listen" she said " do you maybe want to skip the movie and go get a drink instead?" a drink, i could always go for a drink . I feel like my life has been drink after drink joint after joint just drowning out the bullshit and awkwardness. I got to thinking about how nice a good joint would be right now.

" yeah a drink would be good" i said.

" know any places in the area?" she asked starting to get a little more lifted from Kelsey's deflation. I put my knowledge of the Albuquerque social scene to the test.

" there's a bar called throwbacks a few blocks over they always play a lot of older songs, early 2000's and 90's and beyond"

" sounds like fun" she enthused. We left the theatre and decided to walk the small distance towards the bar. She explained that she had obtained a fake id while in Connecticut and i stayed silent about how i had gotten mine since i had gotten it in new york so any opportunity i had to not talk about new york i was going to take. But i had a feeling it would come up, it had been a year who wouldn't be interested in the adventures of an old friend? It was girls just want to have fun night so Taylor didn't have to pay the cover charge and women got half price rail drinks all night. I didn't mind having to pay the cover. My humps by the black eyed peas was playing when we walked in and i couldn't stop my body from moving to the rhythm. " haven't even gotten to our seat yet and you are already dancing Ryan Evans"

" i cant help it its a part of me" i was always the first person dancing at Naomi's parties. We got to our table and quickly ordered rum and cokes.

" half price baby!" she yelled taking a sip. Taylor's positive attitude the entire night was almost inspiring. Its as if she had never been cheated on by her boyfriend and her best friend, troy came out of it awfully and Taylor well she seemed to be thriving from it. It should be no surprise, women cope better in the long run them men ever do.

" to summer" i said holding up my drink.

" i wish it could last forever" she said tapping our glasses together. " i wish Kelsey wasn't still bitter maybe she could have had some fun tonight" she shrugged taking a long sip from her drink. I smiled contagiously at her nonchalance and optimism.

" is it wrong to say you are just as amazing as you where at east high?" i said out of nowhere. I remembered how helpful Taylor had always been, to the wild cats to the drama department and to the school over all, and hell she pretty much did Fulton's job for a whole summer. She was a bright light in an otherwise grey and broken town.

" is there a way i cant interpret that as wrong?" she said modestly. " thank you, i try..." she clearly had something on her mind. But as she was about to speak single ladies came on at both of us smiled and got out of our seats to dance. It was so spontaneous and unplanned but the song spoke for itself, when Beyonce came on you got up and danced. We clutched our drinks and swayed to the music laughing and spinning into each others arms.

As the song came to a close we noticed two refills at our table. "yeah they're on top of their shit here" i said to her shock. " i knew you would like this place"

she sat down and attacked the drink. I was surprised at the way she guzzled instead of sipped like the poised Taylor Mackessy i had grown up with. But then again she was in a sorority from what i had gathered and their parties are sometimes legendary. " well i do, listen" she said softly touching my arm. " i wanted to ask, have you... this is weird, okay have you heard from troy or about him?" she bit her lip. It was clear it really ate up at her wondering.

" yeah, i see him... almost everyday actually" i said nodding with a half smile, i took a drink she nodded with a look of almost concern. "he's doing okay too , he is a little lost right now but he is picking up the pieces i guess"

" you're helping him" she said with a smile, more as a statement then a question really. " i wasn't sure if i should have cared at first, i cant believe he did to chad..." she said. I nodded my understanding from her perspective it was hard to feel for troy, but it was easy at the same time. " i spent a lot of time feeling sorry for myself, i wondered how a friend could do that how someone i thought i loved could have done that to me, to troy"

i just sat there and listened. " i realized even though what troy did was wrong, he was the victim, we both where" she was right on so many levels. " it hit troy harder then i allowed it it hit me i guess"

I didn't want to tell her she might have had different reaction if she had walked in on them fucking like troy had. We talked and drank till late into the night, the hits where endless from n sync to TLC and surprisingly neither one of us brought up our respective schools, she didn't talk about Yale and i didn't talk about Julliard. She talked about Christmas with her family and i talked about Sharpay and Troy and even breached the topic if Zeke but after that initial conversation neither one of us brought up chad or Gabriela again.

We left the bar a little later then one in the morning. We where both drunk beyond the point of trying to drive home so i quickly called a cab. " Ryan my parents will kill me if i come home drunk, they think i am at the movies and staying at Kelsey... oh well" i giggled.

" you can stay at my place no one is home" i said with a wobble. The cab waiting for us once we had finally made ou5 way to the street. I told him my address.

" the Evans mansion all to our self's?" she asked. " can we go swimming?" she asked excited. I nodded with a scoff.

" if you want" i said, my stomach growled. I had barely eaten anything beside that hot dog today. I had expected pop corn would be my dinner. " i say we order pizza though,"

"cheese please" she said. She definitely was more drunk then i was. Part of me wished their was more of us, that Gabi was here and even Kelsey and Sharpay and that we could have a real night of neglect like girlfriends do.

I ordered from the cab as we drove along, i ordered four pizzas one cheese and an assortment of others. " the party is just starting Tay, is that cool with you?"

"I've partied Ryan" she said. The cab driver chuckled. I sent a text to Sharpay wherever she was and josh and told them to come to the house. She replied explaining they would both be there with in half an hour. Me and Taylor laughed as we stumbled threw the hauntingly large halls of my home. Most of the time it was just me. My parents travelled a lot more these days then they ever did. We sat in the kitchen trifling threw the liquor cabinet.

" patron?" i asked lifting up the 26er of patron gold. I grabbed two shot glasses and a lime.

" you spare no expenses for your friends" she said " i have always liked that about you Evans's" she laughed and i raised an eyebrow.

" using me for my high quality liquor?" i asked pouring the two shots.

" yes!" she slurred. " what do you know about drinking on a dime?" we both laughed and did the shots. I burped and she waved it away. " i just realized i said i wanted to go swimming and i have no suit." we walked out onto the patio the heat of the night hitting us immediately. We sat pool side and took another shot and Taylor straight up striped. " if you weren't like my brother this would not being happening"

" I'd be more disturbed if i was your brother actually" i said sarcastically.

She scoffed " you know what i mean" she slapped my arm and jumped in the pool in her bra and panties. I never would have thought Taylor would be so shameless but i liked it a lot. I heard the familiar clack of a stiletto coming from the kitchen and knew my sister had arrived. I saw josh walking behind her with the pizzas i had ordered from the taxi.

" some party" he said putting them down on patio table. " all i see is a drunk girl swimming in her nickers" Sharpay slapped his head.

She had a bottle of red wine in her hand along with a glass from the kitchen. " hello Taylor are you having fun?" Taylor was currently floating face up in the pool looking up at the stars.

" your pool is so refreshing" she said. I could admit it could be great relief to the desert heat. Josh had a cooler bag over his shoulder.

"more refreshing then the tequila?" josh quipped. " where is your boy tonight Evans?"

I thought of troy, was he my boy? Was i his? I didn't know but what i did know was josh was a lot more tolerable about it since he started frequenting my sisters apartment. " he is in Texas with family" i said with a shrug. Taylor who was more aware now that she had soaked in the cold water climbed out and warped herself in a towel from a lounger chair. " i don't think we have had the honor" Taylor said siting at the table.

" josh" he said pulling a bag of weed out of his pocket and a pack of skins. Sharpay sucked her teeth. " Ryan's friend"

" what the hell am i?" Sharpay said putting her hand on her hip, she sipped her wine, it was clear she was already drunk when she had gotten here. But no matter how drunk she got pot was still devil weed to her.

" and Shrapys booty call" josh retorted.

" well then" Sharpay said mock affronted into her wine glass. I watched josh break up the weed.

" I'm rolling" i said crossing from my lounger to the table, he grunted and hovered over his pot.

" why is it every time you are around i never get to roll?" he complained.

" because i am a better and faster then you are" i said " and i don't roll a filter pussy"

" low blow" he said

" you don't even break the weed up well, i told you about the technique" i stated, it was true my interest in weed had become religious.

" I'm rolling" he said putting his foot down. Sharpay and Taylor shared a look and i picked up the bottle of tequila.

" one chug from the bottle" i said. Joshes eyes lit up.

" you are not driving back to my apartment tonight sweet heart" Sharpay said. I was shocked that Sharpay had gotten onto a motorcycle drunk but for some reason josh brought out the spontaneous in her.

" done" he got up and grabbed the bottle.

" me next" Taylor said threw bits of cheese pizza. I got my way and began rolling the joint. I sparked it up as josh took a large guzzle of the tequila.

" fuck" he said before burping. He stumbled a little bit. Josh took the joint and french inhaled. He put the bottle on the table and Taylor took a much smaller sip laughing as she swallowed wiping her watering eyes.

" honestly" she said looking at all of us siting around the table. I had started in on the meatza " i thought after what happened at the end of high school i was going to come back here to chaos" josh offered the joint to Taylor who took it to my utter surprise. " yes please, i am having so much fun right now"

" yeah well i hate to break it to you but you did come back to utter chaos" Sharpay said " so don't get comfortable"

" fuck that" Taylor said taking a hit off of the joint. " I'm done with this place" we where all silent for a few minutes then i heard my phone ringing. I went back over to the lounger and saw that it was troys cell phone. His parents had decided it would be best for him to have one, mostly so they could harass him at all hours of the day.

I walked into the kitchen and the rest of their eyes followed me. They erupted into laughter and the tension was broken in an instant.

" hi" i said into the receiver " its late"

" hey" he said his voice was a warm reminder of what i was missing in this moment. " i couldn't sleep, i... i guess I've been thinking about you"

" yeah?" i said siting on the counter. I could here the drowsiness in his voice. " what about me?"

" i don't know" he said tiredly i laughed lightly at his awkwardness. " lots of things, you're blue eyes, your hands are soft and..."

" are you drunk troy?" i asked the possibility just dawning on me.

" a little" he said.

" go to sleep troy" i said with a giggle. He agreed and i waited till he was sleeping to hang up the phone. When i walked back outside i rolled my eyes as the topic of conversation had turned to the economic crisis. I sat down just in time to take a drag off of the ever shrinking joint. It was nearly 3 in the morning when we found ourselves in the living room stereo blaring lady gaga and 'shots, shots shots shots shots'. I collapsed onto the couch next to Taylor she grabbed my hand.

" to summer?" she said

" to summer" i replied.

A/N: love this chapter, as far as my geographical knowledge of Albuquerque goes I'm pretty much making these places up in case anyone was wondering about that. This story is about half way done from this chapter. I have decided that this saga would work better as a trilogy so instead of one really long story it will be a collection of novellas. I'm not saying that 16 will be chapter cap but it will be somewhere around there. I do this because in case i decide to take a break on writing the whole trilogy i can still have one story of the lost in life Chronicles resolved and finished.


	9. Chapter 9

Disclaimer: i do not own high school musical, i have merely created its dark side

Chapter 9: the 24th of July

troy

i climbed the stairs two at a time in anticipation. I didn't want to knock because i wanted it to be a surprise. But if i caught him at an awkward moment then the whole day might be ruined. I knocked on the door to his bedroom an heard the creak of his mattress threw the door. " Sharpay?" he asked muffled by the walls and door. I smiled knowing he had no idea. The door cracked open and his eyes met mine and in an instant the door was open. " troy" he said. He was only in his black boxer briefs. And i found my eyes searching his body.

We stood there for a few moments in silence before i pulled him into my arms . He rested his head on my shoulder and i warped my arms around his bare shoulders. It had only been a week and hell i had gone a whole year not seeing him before, but that was also before i knew how much he meant to me. " i missed you" i said into his hair.

" you called every night after Friday" he said pulling his head back, we shared a look for a moment. I looked down at his lips and made the connection. It was short once again but more wet then the first. I felt my groin tingle and stepped back. He looked almost disappointed but the look vanished and i couldn't decide if it was real or my imagination. I couldn't lie the temptation was there. But i was scared to act on it, for a lot of reasons.

" i still missed seeing you" i said holding his cheek. " touching you"

" getting high with me?" he asked.

" that too" i scoffed. He turned towards his closet and was gone for about 5 minutes. I sat on his bed and wondered how deep that closet actually was. When he came out he was dressed in his usual black shorts black t- shirt attire. Today though he matched the outfit with a solid black fedora and an image of the old high school Ryan brought a smile to my face. " it took you that log to decide on all black?"

" i was torn on the hat" he explained. I got up from the bed and crossed the room to where he was looking at himself in the mirror.

" i like it" i said " got any big plans for the day?"

" not really" he said turning around " i knew you where coming home today but i just didn't expect you to be here at 11 in the morning" he sounded pleasantly surprised.

" yeah usually its something you have to wait all day for" i said shrugging. " would you have waited all day for me?"

" yes" he said in all seriousness. I took his hand in mine, i played with it for a few seconds.

" yeah well i didn't want to wait all day to see you either" i said pulling him back to the bed. He took his hat off and lay his head on my chest. " so what did you do with yourself when i was gone anyway?" he raised an eyebrow and laughed.

" as if my life is so boring without you..." he said

" i know its not" i said " i just want to know what kind of trouble you have been up to while i was thinking about you"

" well most nights i just go to the bar Naomi works at" i said honestly. " oh and that reminds me... guess who i saw?"

" do i have to guess or are you just going to tell me?" i asked

" you can guess if you want" he said with a giggle. I wondered if this was going to make me feel weird again. He saw someone and i don't know a lot of someones at least none i want to see. I pinched his arm and he slapped my hand. " ouch, fine... i ran into Taylor"

my eyes widened " Taylor" i said a little awkwardly Ryan turned in my arms.

" yeah and Kelsey" he said with a nod.

" wow" i said knowing i was not providing a lot to the conversation. " how was that?"

" fun" he said to my surprise then some of the excitement deflated. "well Taylor was fun Kelsey left as quickly as she could with a shabby excuse" he shrugged. " i ran into them in front of the old theatre down town, we decided to go in together and she split at intermission, so we went to a bar"

" with Taylor?" i asked perplexed. " brains Taylor?"

" oh you mean Taylor gives brains to frat guys, smokes pot and binge drinks like a proper sorority girl?" he laughed " yeah , guess shes changed"

"that's surprising to say the least" i said

" i guess" he said

i thought of chad and Gabriela and wondered if Taylor had mentioned anything about it to Ryan. I mean while drinking those kinds of things come out right? " did she talk about...?"

" a little" he said looking me right in the eyes " she just seems to want to move on with her life, just like you do" i nodded.

" shes doing a hell of a lot better then i am i guess" i confessed, Ryan kissed my chest and then boldly climbed to straddle my chest. I could feel the heat in my groin.

" well to be quite honest" he said leaning closer to my face. " she didn't go through what you went through, she knew chad cheated on her but she didn't see it" he put his hands on the bed on both sides of my head to hold himself up. We where really close. " and like i said shes changed, so its not really surprising that she went away and fucked a bunch of ivy league boys and drank to excess, it was a coping mechanism, just like pounding chads face in was for you" i looked into his eyes i could feel myself getting harder and i rubbed my hands up his legs and grabbed his waste. In one quick motion i sat up and threw his back to the bed and i was on top of him, Ryan's smile spread to his eyes. " you're doing good"

" thank you" i said genuinely, i kissed him gently and pulled away, he smiled and i kissed him again this time i licked his lips he laughed into the kiss. " what?" i said my lips full of his.

" you've never kissed me this much" he said, i thought about it. I felt sort of bad, Ryan gave me a lot of time with this. I never promised myself to him or that i was even gay but that didn't mean he wasn't patent.

" just felt like kissing you" i said. He smiled but this time it didn't reach his eyes. To most a kiss is something that would make anyone happy but Ryan was to smart to see it like that. For him it was something personal and i knew he had a lot of doubts about me about how he should feel. I wished i could give him what he deserves. I kissed him again and then put my head over his heart. It was beating fast. "So tell me more about this bar Naomi works at?"

"chasers?" he asked " yeah its kind of a dive, but its a local joint and they have good chicken wings"

" do you maybe want to go tonight?" i asked.

" yeah that sounds fun" he said siting up. He went to his desk and grabbed his pot.

" its like you can read my mind" i said with a chuckle. He rolled his eyes.

" I've turned you into a monster troy" he said pulling a perfectly rolled joint out. We passed it back and forth for a few minuets and then Ryan decided to order food for lunch, he ordered Indian because he said he was pizza'd out. I had no complaint except for the fact that i wanted to pay half the bill. " where are you suddenly starting to get money?"

" my aunt payed me for the work i did around the farm" i said with a grin. Even though i had money of my own now he still refused. " i want to pay"

" what if you don't even like the food i am making you eat?" Ryan said

" you aren't making me eat it Ryan" i protested but he wouldn't have it. It was kind of annoying him paying for me all of the time. Doing the math in my head i don't think i would ever be able to pay him back at this rate.

" why the somber face troy?" he asked

" i have my own money now" i said biting my lip. " if you keep paying for stuff i don't know if i will be able to pay you back that much" he dead panned.

" you don't owe me anything" he said " nothing ever" i scoffed and he scrunched his eyebrows " you are here right now, that's all i have ever cared about, you care about me, you kiss me even though you don't feel the same way about me"

" wait" i said taken aback. " i do feel the same, i know i do" he looked back at me and i could see that doubt. " I've never felt this way about anyone"

" except Gabriela" he said getting up and crossing the room towards the door. Realization dawned on me as he left his room, he thought i was still in love with Gabriela. I didn't know if it was true or not, i wanted to be over the raven haired girl i wanted not to love her but there was a lingering longing to see her, touch her , kiss her. I shook my head and followed Ryan out of the room slowly. He was at the bottom of the stairs by the time i reached the end of the hallway. I frowned. I never thought kissing someone i loved would cause so much trouble. My eyes widened at what i had thought to myself . did i love Ryan? I followed him down to the patio. He dove into the pool, i wondered if he was doing it to avoid me but i was here and he couldn't avoid me now so i figured he just wanted to swim.

I pulled off my shirt and he watched. I opted out of jumping and walked in at the steps so only half of my body was emerged. Ryan quickly rectified that by splashing me in the face. We both laughed for a good few minuets as i tried to chase him threw the pool, but he was always faster. I guess he put more use to his own pool then i had mine. Then again i also had a half court in my back yard so my achievements are self explanatory.

We swam around each other not saying much until he decided to get out. " I'm starved are you starved?"

" i love you" i said he froze. I stood in the cold water and the sun disappeared behind a cloud so the mood of the situation instantly became a little more somber. I bit my lip while he just stood there looking at the door. " Ryan did you...?"

" get out" he said. My eyes widened.

" Ryan i just.."

" would you please just leave?"i climbed out of the water. I was a little angry to tell you the truth. I have done nothing but think about Ryan since i had first met him there in that abandoned house. I've contemplated and wondered and stressed over and over about him about how i feel about him.

" no" i said i grabbed his arm. " its the 24th of July,do you know what that means?" Ryan looked over his shoulder confused i could see the tears welling in his eyes.

" don't say things you don't mean" he said with his arms crossed, goose bumps prickling his skin. I pulled him into my arms and he resisted.

" i do mean it" i said knowing now i did. " the 24th"

" what the hell are you talking about" he said pulling out of my arms.

" its our one month anniversary" i said with a creeping smile. He looked me in the eyes. I could see the night in the park dawn on him but it didn't change his frown. " do i still love Gabriela, i don't know i haven't scene or heard from her i hope i never do" he just stood there looking heart broken. " but when i say i have never felt this way about anyone that includes her all the way over in California, and i love to say it, i love you Ryan" i took his face in my hand and kissed him hard our lips opened and the kiss deepened, tongue and body parts flailing we collapsed onto a lounger. He grinded into me and i felt my self getting harder. I had never crossed this line with Ryan but i knew it was the time. I pressed against him and trailed kissed down his chest. I felt his length against mine and let out a low growl. " shit" he said biting my lip. I felt his hands travel down to my shorts before i knew it he was stroking my dick threw them. I started breathing heavy. " i love you" he gasped in pleasure. He pulled my shorts down enough that my penis fell out. He stroked it slowly and i let out a whimper of pleasure. I grabbed his bulge and started rubbing as well.

I had been hesitant about the whole penis thing but as soon as my hand made contact it felt right. i let my hand reach into his waste band and felt his member, it was hard and soft and i felt my self shudder at the touch. This was the furthest i had gone sexually with anyone let alone another guy but i couldn't deny i only wanted it to go further. I had the urge to kiss it and suck it all of the sudden, i wanted to taste Ryan and the idea aroused me. I had never thought of a penis as sexy. Maybe my own but i never had a desire to suck it until i had touched Ryan. I stroked it, as his wrist movements became faster so did mine i couldn't get the idea of oral sex out of my mind, was he ready for that? Would i be crossing boundaries? I decided i didn't care i started to kiss down his chest slowly i looked him in the eyes and he had a flash of confusion until i kissed the tip of his dick. He shuddered.

" fuck troy" he moaned. It was weird having his penis in my mouth but I'd lie if i said i didn't enjoy it. I began to lick around the base and suck as Ryan held his head back on the cushion in ecstasy. " I'm gonna... soon" i took my mouth off of his length and started to stroke again, he began stoking me. We where both sitting looking each other in the eyes jacking each other off. He smiled and i kissed him i felt a warm liquid stream up my stomach as he let out a pleasurable groan. " amazing, you're amazing" he continued to jack me off and it didn't take long when he decided to return the favour. If giving a blow job felt good receiving one was the best thing i had ever felt in my life.

We lay there on the lounger after everything was said and done, i didn't know what to say and i don't think he did either. " that was..." he breathed. " i cant believe that was just real" i arched an eyebrow. I had often wondered about Ryan's crush on me, how long he had harboured feelings for me. Every time i showed him any sign of endearment he would shy away from it as if it wasn't real as if i didn't mean it the way it sounded or that he wasn't worth it. He was worth it.

" then you're stupid Ryan" i said " if you don't understand how much you mean to me" he looked me in the eyes and smiled, one of the first real ones i had scene out of him in a while. The food he had ordered arrived and we ate , we decided it wold be a good idea to catch a nap before we went out to the bar. Naomi had given me the id of a guy named Zac she had slept with who remarkably looked like just like me.

we put on a movie, i let Ryan pick sixteen candles because he had missed it the other night at the movies, we turned off all of the lights and he lay next to me in my arms. I don't think we saw the first fifteen minutes before my eyes where shut and i could feel Ryan gently breathing against my chest.

I woke in the darkness of Ryan's room to a buzzing in my pocket. I looked at ryans sleeping form lightly breathing in his slumber. Before picking up my phone.

" hello?" i asked expecting it to be my mom but was surprised when i heard a familiar male voice.

" hey troy? " he said his voice scratchy and coarse. My heart skipped a beat. Zeke had put no effort into calling me or contacting me since i had dinner at Sharpay's. I actually thought he didn't want to be my friend.

" whats up man?" i asked wiping my eyes

" yeah um have you talked to Evans lately?" he asked. I wasn't sure if it would be right to tell Zeke he was lying right next to me asleep. Something told me that was something best kept to myself.

" yeah , why?" i asked confused as to why Zeke cared in the first place.

" do you think you could ask him about Sharpay for me?" he asked, i felt a little pang of insult that one of my best friends was only calling me to ask where his supposed girlfriend was. The fact that i had barely scene him in a year and he hasn't put a shred of effort into seeing how i am or trying to reconcile yet had the gall to phone me up to try and get back in Sharpays good graces.

" right because i am a delivery boy" i dead panned, there was no emotion in my voice i was completely monotone. " because what good am i to you unless I'm helping you?" he didn't say anything , i believe he was even a little shocked. " because its not like I've needed my friends, its not like we where in kinder garden together" i was angry and i realized Ryan was waking up and it just made me more angry. I wasn't sure what i expected him to say but it hurt all the same.

" we went to kinder garden with chad too troy" he said. If i didn't need it desperately i would have crushed the phone in my fist. That's all he had to say , as if i meant nothing at all.

" well then maybe you should ask him about Sharpay" i said, teeth clenched. " go fuck yourself" i hung up the phone turning to Ryan whose eyes where on me. I knocked my head back and breathed in and out, i almost wanted to cry, its like every time i am almost happy something happens to ruin it.

"you're good troy" he said into me, i rubbed his shoulder. " you're doing good"

" i know" i lied, i wasn't feeling good that was the lie but weather i was feeling good or not that's not what he meant. I was dealing good and that's what is important.

" if you want to cry cry, scream break a glass" he said " i don't care what you do, i will be here either way.'

" i don't want to cry" i said with my eyes closed. " i just want to breath" the tension was in my voice even though i tried to hide it. I didn't want Ryan to worry about me because i know he often did. He lightly kissed me on the cheek and it brought a shy smile to my lips.

I thought of my parents, i had pretty much just come here after getting home from Texas. My father just sat there in his chair as he so often did. Sometimes i noticed him looking out the window sullen, he was looking at the basketball net no doubt. My mother couldn't hide the disappointment when i left. I felt like my mom didn't like Ryan, for what reason i don't but my mothers emotions where an open book and i just knew there was something gnawing in the back of her head.

When i thought about what they would do if they knew how i really felt about him my heartbeat would quicken and my gut would clench. As a religious woman it would kill my mother and my father, well who knows what he would do?

Ryan made me happy, i hadn't known happy since my Senior championship but my happiness would inevitably cause pain and chaos for myself and others. When i thought about it, it made me no better then chad.

" its 7:30" he said holding his cellphone up illuminating our faces. He clapped his hands and the lights came on my eyes took a few moments to adjust but before i knew it he was kissing me on the neck and taking a picture. I looked like a sleepy goof but he thought i looked cute so i didn't make him delete it. " I'm gonna have a shower" he got up from the bed and walked over to the bathroom. I shut my eyes again thinking about Zeke and Sharpay. I felt as though i should tell Sharpay he called me, what she planed on doing with that information i didn't care about. I couldn't hold down the irritation that i was doing something for Zeke. I sent Sharpay a quick text and lazed back on the bed with my arms behind my head. I could hear the lull of the shower and thought of Ryan's naked form showering and before i knew it i could here voices.

" awe" said a voice i didn't recognize at first it was definitely female. " troy wake up" my eyes cracked open and none other than Taylor Mackessy was hovering over me. A rush of anxiety hit me and i sat up.

" Taylor?!" i said " you're here" i looked around the room and saw a pile of cloths at the door of Ryan's closet another article hit the pile.

" i didn't realize i owned anything orange" he called.

" i am" she said ignoring Ryan's clothing obsessed mind. " I've been thinking about you, i mean i always had thought about you after it all..."

" Taylor" i said uncomfortable with the awkward moment. " just , don't worry about it I'm doing okay"

" i know" she said quickly " i know you are, I'm just happy to see you more happy then i thought i would be" i was still half asleep, the whole idea of her just being there when i woke up threw me for a loop

" what time is it?" i asked randomly. I looked over at the alarm clock. It was 9:45. " Ryan you let me sleep for two hours?"

" you looked so peaceful" he said standing at the door of his closet shirtless. I rolled my eyes at the fact that he had gone to have a shower at 7:30 and still hadn't decided on a shirt to wear just like his sister he was fashionably indecisive.

I got up and made my way to the washroom to splash water over my face. I had almost forgotten about Zeke call but when my memory was my own it still sent a wave of irritation through me. i felt another soft vibration telling me my mom is wondering where i was. When i had woken up the first time i had about 4 messages from her i wonder how much that number has jumped. I looked at my phone and saw about 12 messages one was from Naomi welcoming me home the others where all from my mom. I let out a sigh of impatience as i read threw the various messages of _where are you?, are you coming home tonight, why wont you answer, troy Anthony Bolton you answer me before i am on the streets of Albuquerque looking for you. _The idea made me laugh, my mother would never do that. I left the bathroom to the spacious hallway i dialled my house phone and let it ring, it didn't ring for long.

" troy i have been text messaging all day" she said emotionally "where have you been?"

at first i had let my mothers sheltering slide off of my back but it was really starting to overwhelm me. " mom I'm with friends" i said not wanting to say Ryan impracticality. " its only 10"

"but not calling all i day, i didn't know if you where coming home for dinner..." she rambled and i took the phone away from my ear.

" yeah mom that's great but I'm calling you now" i said " and I'm a grown up so i can manage my own dinner and you don't have to worry okay?"

" that's it, that's all i get from you now troy?" she was upset and i got that but being home felt suffocating. " you may be a grown up but you live under our roof and under our rule" i wanted to laugh at her hard tone my mother was never the disciplinary though i had never been trouble as a kid so i never really needed to be punished.

" what more do you want mom?" i said defeated, she fell silent on the other end of the phone.

" troy your father and i care about you" she said pleadingly " and i know you are saying you are better now but, we just aren't seeing what you are" i felt the pain of her words, both hers and mine. I knew what they wanted, they wished for troy Bolton golden boy, kind to strangers helpful to friends and family a pro on the court... but that person just didn't exist anymore , that person died with high school. She sighed giving up " just... be safe , will you be home tonight?"

" no" i said truly not knowing if it was the truth or not.

" oh... okay well" i pressed end on the phone and slid down the wall so i was sitting in the floor. I needed to stop answering my phone calls and messages.

A/N: okay so i have been struggling lately to write so i hope you like this chapter because it took me almost a week to produce and I'm not sure i like it. The next chapter has been just as gruelling but i am fully committed to this and want to get out the next couple of chapter within the next two weeks.


	10. Chapter 10

Disclaimer: i do not own high school musical, i have merely created its dark side

Chapter 10: chasers

troy

I could tell the night was going to be a shit show the second i walked into the bar. Chasers was an obvious dive, but it was a half busy dive. Naomi looked like a pro on the other side of the bar and the over pouring was obvious with the first sip of every drink. Sharpay was present as well, digging into a plate of chicken wings with no shame as we all looked on to a tight game of pool between josh and shy little tally. " you could beat him" Ryan encouraged with a hand on my shoulder. I shrugged.

" i don't have anyone to impress." i said, i wasn't interested in showing josh up. I didn't want to be that person not here with them. Josh had said he was sorry he had been the bigger man and i wasn't going to further shove that in his face over a grudge match game of pool. I took a sip of my beer and thought about what my mom had said about me not being better. It had pretty much put a damper on a day that i had hoped would be one of the best days of the summer. I had told Ryan i loved him today, i had shared my true feelings with him and it was like a weight had lifted off of me. Like i had been suppressing it for so long and i was finally realizing he truly is what i want. I tried not to think about my parents disapproval of my behaviour, just because they didn't understand how i feel doesn't mean i am not getting better. Though when i say my parents i really should say mother. My dad had barely talked to me in the past few weeks. To say it annoyed me was an understatement, i had always had a good relationship with my father and now i didn't even know how to address him and it all came down to basketball.

Josh groaned loudly and the group let out a cheer. " take that you fucking loser" tally cried uncharacteristically. I laughed quietly.

" okay okay" he said with a groan of humiliation, i smirked, i was okay with a 5 foot 4 little ginger whooping his ass. Upon seeing Sharpay and him together i could see how happy she really was. Sharpay was coming out of her shell to these people there was no competition no standard, whoever you are was okay and welcomed and Sharpay was letting her guard down . Josh was a good guy at the end of the day, a hot blooded jock not unlike myself so i quickly understood his apology.

" loser buys a round of shots if i remember" Sharpay teased and he shot her a playful glare.

" don't try to get out of it loser" tally said. Taylor sat back watching the others with suspicion. I wasn't sure how i felt about her being here out of nowhere. I was never really friends with Taylor but more with chad and as such never really knew what common ground we have. I didn't know how to talk to Taylor without wanting to kill chad and it just felt weird. Suddenly Micky appeared out of nowhere slapping a roll of money on the pool table.

" drinks are on me all night" he said. We all stared at him unbelieving.

" where did you get that?" Taylor asked with an eyebrow raised. Micky turned to Taylor with a salesman smile and sat down at the table across from her.

" well mystery lady" he said putting his hands together. Naomi rolled her eyes from the bar. " i get it from you"

" oh here we go" Sharpay said leaning against the pool table Ryan chuckled, Taylor looked doubtfully amused but listened

" i get it from your friends , your enemies , your grandmothers with glaucoma" he said, tally let out a snort shaking her head. " I'm a sales man of sin"

" he's a fucking drug dealer" josh said plainly Micky glared at him over his shoulder. He didn't like the term drug dealer but no one cared because that's what you are called when you sell drugs and he just had some crazy ideas which Naomi would say were because of drugs in the first place.

" yeah, yeah" he said " who's buying you all shots? A drug dealer so live with that you fucks, nay nay seven shots of you're cheapest swill for the bible thumping virgins" my face felt hot when he said , i tried not to let my uncomfortably about being a virgin reveal itself but Ryan sensed my indiscretion right off the bat.

" what do you sell anyway?" Taylor asked.

" it would probably be easier for him to tell you what he doesn't sell" tally said breaking the pool balls again as sharpay chalked a pool Que.

" shhh you little leprechaun, i don't sell meth, or heroine" he said scrunching his face. " heroin ruins lives"

" i can imagine" Taylor said humorously.

" you okay?, you seem off" Ryan said once everyone was in there own conversation. " was it the virgin thing?" the fact that my boyfriend was making sure i was okay about a comment about virgins was more embarrassing then being a virgin in the first place.

" yeah I'm fine its just, everything else" i said with a sigh. He rubbed my arm discreetly. " i need to find something to do with my time Ryan"

" yeah i get it troy you want something for your life" he said " so do i, so does everyone but right now its the summer and you are only 19"

" yeah but i wasted a year in a hospital, a year I'll never get back and i feel like if i don't figure things out soon it will all just start to slip by" i said, i shook my head knowing i was over analysis just about everything. He smiled gently

" i cant tell you how to feel troy but..." he grabbed my hand and ran his thumb over my palm " i can tell you i will never let you just exist without a purpose"

" i know" i said bumping him with my shoulder. But it didn't mean i didn't feel the same anxiety i still worried and in a way i feel like that is what my parents are worried about, that I'll never find motivation to do anything with my life. My dad was worried i would never find the motivation to get back on the court. " think we can go ..." i put my fingers to my lips and Ryan got the hint immediately. But before either of us could act on it i felt a firm slap on my ass and Naomi walked by me with a trey of shots.

I had the sneaking suspicion that Naomi had a crush on me but with her you had no idea. She was flirtatious by nature but sometimes i got the feeling that she actually was waiting for a reaction. " oh bad girl" she said putting the trey down on the table. " okay you lost boys and girls, a toast to friends"

" new and old" Ryan said. We all did a shot, including Naomi. I wondered about Naomi's position at chasers. She was the only bartender on staff but it wasn't super busy considering it was a Tuesday but besides that i had scene her break about a dozen rules already. Taylor shook her head from the back lash and Micky let out a wolf call. " so about that spliff?" i smiled and pulled him to the door we walked out unnoticed as the others had a good time together.

As soon as we where out the door i kissed Ryan on the lips. " you're a good boyfriend" i said and he blushed.

" is that what i am?" he asked modestly. I rolled my eyes.

" yeah, i think that's what we are" i said then kissed him again on the cheek. The street was dead but we still stood at the mouth of the ally around the corner.

" do you think..." he said trialing off and lighting the joint.

"what?" i pushed.

He shook his head but i noticed the look of contemplation on his face" nothing, its no big deal" i wanted to know but i didn't want to push Ryan into anything. He would tell me if i pushed hard enough and that's why i knew i couldn't force him. It brought up the other things that had gone unsaid before like the time at Maratha's party.

" you don't have to be uncomfortable saying anything to me" i said "if that's what it is, i don't care i would never judge you" he passed me the joint and i took a hit and closed my eyes.

" i know its just, sometimes i think Naomi might like you" he said looking down at his feet. The fact that i was just thinking the same thing brought a smile to my face, we thought a lot of the same things we saw a lot of the same signs.

" yeah" i said he frowned and i put a hand on his shoulder. " i said yeah because i think you are right not because i feel the same"

"i know that i was just pointing it out" he said crossing his arms "its why i didn't say anything" i took him in my arms.

" at least we are both on the same page" i said kissing his head. We smoked the joint for a few more minutes until we where both high. It helped to forget the complications in my life. We walked back towards the bar and a sign on the front window caught my eye. HELP WANTED

"seriously troy?" Ryan asked skeptically

" i need a job Ryan" i said sold completely on the idea. If Naomi had any sway at all this would be a no brainier. I marched straight over to the bar to Naomi as Ryan looked on walking back to the group at the back.

" what kind of help do you need?" i asked leaning against the bar.

" excuse me?" Naomi asked " i could think of a few things i need help with"

" no, I'm talking about the help wanted sign outside." i said she looked over to the window.

" V honestly just put that up today" she said enthusiastically.

" V?" i asked

"Vanessa, shes the owner and my moms oldest friend" she said with a shrug. Naomi had never really mentioned anything about her family before. " anyway yeah we need a new bus boy the old one OD'd"

" seriously?" i asked incredulously

" yeah serious crack head" she said " but he was a cousin of V's so i guess the apple doesn't fall far... anyway if you want it she would totally love you, clean boy"

" clean?" i asked " I'm not exactly clean"

" well i know you're not dirty" she said the way she always does when she wants to get a rise out of me. I walked away before i made it awkward and joined the group back at the pool tables. I caught Taylor's eye and decided to sit down next to her something tells me she had just observed my and Naomi's conversation.

" any words?" i asked cutting to the chase.

" that girl is trouble" she said sucking her teeth.

" shes just a flirt" i said but i didn't really know if i believed it myself. No one knew about me and Ryan so its not like she wasn't aloud to like me, but that being said she knows how much Ryan likes me she had made that clear the day of Maratha's party. The last thing i wanted was to come between friends and i didn't think i was going to, eventually it will come out that he and i are together until then i will have to roll with the punches.

" mmmmhmmm" she said unconvinced. " shes got eyes for you troy" she took a sip of her drink. She crossed her leg and lowered her voice. " I'm not trying to cause trouble troy... i just know girls." part of me wanted to believe her another part of me believed that Taylor was still incredibly bitter from what happened with chad and Gabi. Where i had blown up unexpectedly she had bottled it all up and now she cant trust another person. Especially one who looks so much like Gabriela.

" how did you deal with it?" i asked out of nowhere. She raised an eye brow. " with chad, and Gabi?" her eyes went wide in realization that the topic had finally been brought up between the two of us. "sorry... i just wondered what it was like for you."

" it was hard" she said quickly. I could hear the hurt in her tone, the frustration. " i didn't know how to feel, i had lost my love my best friend"

" my whole world fell apart that day" i said eyes glossed thinking about that day, about the jersey on the banister. Taylor put her hand on mine.

" well your feelings where rooted much more then mine ever where" she said. " i cant say i understand why you went so far." i thought about him thrusting into her, of her cries. _i love you _she had cried. When i thought about it i wondered why i hadn't gone further.

" it changed me, seeing them just..." i couldn't even bring it to words. In the months since i had come back from the hospital i had come to terms with the fact that that part of my life, the life of being friends with chad the life of happily ever after in California with Gabi was gone and never coming back.

The look of confusion on her face was something i couldn't ignore. "seeing them?" she asked

" yeah" i said " having sex, that's how i found out about them , that's when i... beat the shit out of him." there was an air of horror in her demeanour but it quickly turned to pity but i had scene it and it gnawed at the back of my head. What did i not know?

" right, i had forgotten that that's how it had all gone down" she said nodding with a friendly smile. " I'm sorry that you had to go threw that, I'm gonna go to the little girls room" she got up and made her way to the back. I shook my head quickly and got up walking to the bar.

" what will it be troy boy?" Naomi cooed.

" tequila" i said " no lemon or salt, jut the booze" she nodded impressed with my further integration into her life style.

" you seem a little raddled." she said " something wrong?"

"no" i said taping my fingers on the bar. I looked to the back at Ryan, he was happy smiling and laughing with his friends. I turned back to Naomi. " have you ever felt like.. you don't know the whole truth about someone?"

Naomi looked over at the group. " trust me, i don't think anyone knows the whole truth about Ryan"

" its not Ryan" i said " i don't know sometimes i just feel like there's a secret I'm not in on, i know my past is a mess and i was gone for a long time, i just get vibes."

She nodded looking more serious then i had ever scene her. " yeah i get that , i get what you are saying" she said " you feel closed off"

" i just, they know what i did yes i understand what i did was wrong" i said

" who?" she asked confused.

" all of my friends, they know what he did and still they choose him over me, i don't understand it" i said frustrated. " was it the convenience that he was there, did they pick him because he was the lucky one who didn't get reprimanded for his actions?"

" troy i don't know any of these people" she said " all i know of your situation i heard from you and Ryan and i don't want to tell you what to do but why don't you ask?"

i had never thought of asking. It was just something i thought would just be. I never thought i would have to fight for my friends i had always just thought they didn't get it, that they didn't know what was going on but maybe it was true. I needed to ask why they choose him over me. We both did bad things i needed to know why they didn't choose me why they felt the need to choose at all. I smiled " you're right"

" I'm always right" she said with a wink walking away to help another customer ta the other end of the bar. But would Zeke even want to talk to me after i had lost it on hm today? I was confused i wished i could be on the same page as everyone else but at the dame time i am conflicted with weather i should even care at all. I wanted to just let it all go, let the past be the past but it always seems to just pop up again. I noticed the group had gotten significantly larger and i went back to see what was going on.

" where were you?" Ryan asked as i approached.

" i was at the bar" i said leaving out the fact that i was talking to Naomi. If Ryan had noticed her attraction and Taylor had also noticed then it was safe to say i had to tip toe around this carefully." who are they?" i asked in reference to the group of for lack of a better word thugs talking to Micky at a booth.

" the black one is Darcy, the white one trying to be black is Reed but he goes by Re" Ryan said rolling his eyes. " the others are the losers who follow them around"

" i never would have thought" i said sarcastically " i also never would have thought you would be on a first name bases"

" they're mickeys people" he shrugged. " their those guys who would always be at your party and bring about 30 people you have never met before"

" are they dangerous?" i asked watching the interaction between them.

" if they wanted to be yeah i believe they could be" he said " but that's why Micky deals with them, he sells them drugs they are happy no violence"

" seems a little crazy" i argued. I would never want to live with the danger of selling drugs.

"have you met Micky before?" Ryan asked. It was true, he was going to do what he wanted at the end of the day, and the allure of money was more important then avoiding fraternizing with low life's who can put him into danger

" you'll get your money" the one called Darcy said, they gave daps and then they where out the door. I felt a thin line of tension break and everyone got back to what they where doing.

" well another shipment sealed and dealed Micky said followed by downing the rest of his beer.

" how much does he owe?" josh asked irritated. I had found out threw Ryan that Micky and josh where room mates and that he hated when Micky would throw parties just to sell drugs. It explained why he offered me E on the first night i met him. I didn't know he was planing to charge me for it.

" whats pennies and nickels?" Micky said shrugging. Josh couldn't hold back his irritation at this point Sharpay put a hand on his shoulder, but he shook it off.

" rent" he said threw clenched teeth " how much?"

" half" Micky said.

" half of what !?" josh asked heated. Everyone looked on silent and uncomfortable. If i were in joshes shoes i would be just as angry and the fact that Micky just mocked him was salt in the wound, when you are struggling to make rent and you have limited options spotting someone drugs is always risky.

" he got a a half pound" Micky said " a half pound is.."

" twelve hundred, he owes you six hundred dollars?" josh seethed.

Micky put his had up to signal more shots. " and you heard the man he said I'll get my money" josh was not impressed and i could tell he had reason to be. He dropped the pool Que.

" no more shots" josh said to Naomi mid pour. Micky made to say something but josh was in his face in an instant pushed against the wall.

"josh!" Sharpay said.

" two months ive covered your rent and you're spotting those losers left and right" he yelled.

" josh give it a rest" Naomi yelled. Other people in the bar were looking at the altercation.

" no I'm tired of this shit, Micky!" he yelled he shoved a table and a full glasses fell on the floor. He stormed out of the bar the door hitting the wall outside and slamming back. The bar was silent. Micky sat there somber and defensive and tally just rubbed her forehead. The mood of the night had changed significantly. Sharpay stood and walked out of the bar slowly and calmly with all of the poise and gentleness she possessed. Me and Ryan said nothing and just followed knowing the night was at an end. Tally looked on clearly upset.

" what you guys are just leaving?" Micky yelled drinking more beer. "its a fucking party"

" Micky shut the fuck up!" tally yelled. She looked about to cry and i felt really bad, tally was actually a nice girl she was smart and kind hearted and she cared about her friends a lot. " I'm sorry guys" i frowned she didn't deserve to stay here and tell Micky he wasn't wrong.

" whats going on right now because its only mid night?" i said " i don't want to stay here but..."

" you don't want to go home?" Ryan asked. He turned to Taylor who was collecting her things. " my place?" i looked back over at tally who was stalking over to the bar.

" yes lets get out of here" Taylor said. Micky was across the bar talking to a few other girls he must have known.

" hey troy" Naomi called. I turned back to the bar " i know after tonight you probably don't ever want to come here again but if you want, V will be in on Sunday night"

i had forgotten about that, when it came down to it i needed money, i needed income to do anything with my life and i had an opportunity standing right in front of me even if it was the worst bar i had ever set foot in i still needed a job. " yeah, ill be by" tally looked miserable siting at the bar, for her the night was over and the fun was at an end but it didn't have to be. " tally you coming?" she looked up.

" really?" she asked unbelieving.

" yeah, we're going back to Ryan's" i said lowering my voice. " why should you have to miss out on the fun?" she smiled and blushed and i knew i had gotten her. It was a comfort knowing that my charm was still intact.

" okay" she hoped off of the bar stool and followed me out of the bar.

" lets go the cab is here!" Sharpay yelled from the road we all packed in and headed off to the safe haven that was the Evans mansion.

A/N: this one was a bitch, i had a lot of struggles finding a way it all gelled for a while but i figured it out and it works i guess but i wish it could have been better, its inevitable that shit is soon going to be hitting the fan for our gang of misfits i hope you can handle it.


	11. Chapter 11

Disclaimer: I do not own high school musical , i have merely created its dark side.

Chapter 11: truth

Taylor

nerves raced threw my body as i walked up the familiar cobblestone walkway. I hadn't walked it in over a year. I wondered why i was doing this at all but i felt obligated to myself and to troy to do this. I knocked on the evergreen door as i had so often done over the course of my senior year. There was no turning back now. I thought back to troy at the bar last week i finally understood why he did it. The mystery of how troy cracked was solved and it all came down to one huge lie, a lie that even Ryan of all people was in on. Then again Ryan was in a tough position. I thought of the way they looked at each other, Ryan loved troy and troy well maybe there was something there i didn't know but if he ever knew what we had thought all this time... then what?

The door opened and i took a deep breath. " oh, Taylor what a surprise" Mrs. Danfourth said more like what an inconvenience. I could see it written all over her face but i wasn't here for her i was here for chad.

" hi Mrs. Danforth" i said with a cool smile.

" I'm sorry but i don't think now is a good time chad is ill and..."

" mom its okay" i heard form inside the house. " let her come in" his mother looked over at her son and my breath hitched at his voice. I used to dream of that voice. Mrs. Danfourth opened the door and i took a step inside.

I took in a breath when i saw chad, he looked different but i expected that. " hi" i said i was almost in a daze, i thought of all the good times we had i thought of the hurt he had caused to not only me but others i thought he cared about.

" do you want to go up stairs?" the part of me that didn't want to be alone in a room with him was over shadowed by the need to tell him what i needed to say.

" sure, that would be good" i said trying my best to not let my voice give away my heart break. I followed him to his bedroom which i had done before but i wasn't going there for the same reasons i used too. It felt oddly like deja vu this was like a pattern to me before and now it was like travelling down a forgotten path. We got to the room and he shut the door.

" i didn't expect to see you consider.." i slapped him, the tears where welling in my eyes he flinched and frowned. " is that all you wanted?"

" can you take some responsibility for your actions?" i found myself begging. " if you want to deny that to troy fine but not to me"

" what do you want me to say?" he asked looking away.

" i just want you to tell me the truth" i said, i was tired of hoping he would see his faults and apologize but what did i gain out of sorry at the end of the day? Would he love me again would we be back together, is that what i wanted? No i didn't want him not after he had been soiled. All he was to me now was salted earth. He hadn't even had the decency to talk to me after troy beat him up, he just continued to see Gabi and it was like we had never existed, i didn't even get a break up.

" i was in love..." he tried but i put up my hand.

" spare me" i said, i didn't want to hear it i didn't want to hear anything about his love about the love that he had not after what he did to me. " don't pull that shit with me chad, i want to know the truth about it all, do Zeke and Jason know that he found the two of you having sex?" chad was silent, i wasn't supposed to know that or at least that's what he wanted, " yeah its crazy what you can learn when you see some old friends.

" you saw troy?" he said, i could see the mixed emotion on his face for a second i almost saw compassion and it made me laugh he looked at me like i was crazy.

" honey that ship has sailed" i said " you've lost him forever" it brought me a little bit of joy knowing that at least he would never have that ever again.

" who says i even care about troy Bolton?" chad sneered.

" its written all over your face" i dead panned. " you are not this bad person and neither is troy, you are both good people who have done bad things but what you are doing now, the fact that for this long we have all thought that you where the victim that you had tried to be the bigger man that you had approached him on the subject and he attacked you, all of that is lower then low"

" i..."

" you lied" i said " that was the story you told, that was the story everyone thought was true for a whole year"

he looked about ready to explode. " whats your point?!"

" my point is , I'm happy for you" i said with contempt " because when i look at you all i see is anger fear regret pain and longing written across a face i don't even recognize anymore and you suffer threw it all without a shred of compassion for anyone but yourself its really astounding"

" why does that make you happy for me?" he asked.

I smiled devilishly and made my way to the door " because you are in love" i said as if it were obvious. I could see he was taking it all to heart. No matter what anyone could say to him no one besides myself could bring out his real emotions. I didn't know what Gabriela was like on the subject but i didn't care to know because i hoped this would be the last conversation i would ever have to have with chad Danfourth for the rest of my life. " do some soul searching chad, you can't change the past but you can maybe help make everyone's futures a little bit brighter." i left the room almost in tears but i knew it wasn't worth it at this point, tars wouldn't change what already was. It wouldn't change what most certainly wasn't.

I nodded with a polite smile at his parents both standing in the foyer most likely waiting to see what impulsive fickle thing i was going to do to their angel son. I left and walked away from the Danfourth house for the last time. I got into my car and let out a dry sob putting my hands to my eyes to stop the tears. It had all been so quick so sudden, i hadn't even taken him in it was done and i was not going to cry. I breathed in and out and pulled out my cell phone i dialled Ryan's cell and the put it in the phone holder. I started driving, i didn't want to go home but i couldn't sit in my car in front of chads house any longer. The phone rang for a few seconds.

" Taylor" he said happily. " how are you?"

" I'm fine, are you with troy?" i asked.

" no, he's at work" he said sounding a little irritated. I would feel the same if i where him. Naomi was on the prowl for troy and any conflicting feelings he had for troy could be dangerous for him emotionally if anything happened between troy and Naomi. But that was not the point at the moment.

" good because i need to talk to you, and preferably Sharpay if she is available." i said rushed.

" about what?" he asked suspicious.

" i don't want to have to repeat my self Ryan, it just concerns troy and chad and it would be best of i didn't have to tell you over the phone while i am driving, i might rear end someone"

" dually noted" he said

i rolled my eyes " where should i go?"

" well i am down town already" he said " just go to Sharpays and i will tell her we are coming over"

"okay" i said with a sigh.

" Taylor are you okay?" he asked worried. I always loved how different Ryan could be from his sister, case in point he actually cared about the well being of others. But lately Sharpay had been a little less her usual self. But i never thought i would say i prefer her company to that of Jason Zeke and Kelsey whom i had not talked to since that night at the movies. She had avoided me at all costs and didn't answer any of my texts so i just stopped trying.

" no" i said " but i will deal"

" we always do" he said

" I'll see you soon" i said pressing end. I drove as quickly as i could in my irritation. The whole thing was just a big mess and somehow i was volunteering to try and fix it. Troy needed to know the truth, so did Zeke and Jason and Kelsey they all needed to know the truth about what had really happened to tear our lives apart. People always say you shouldn't get involved you shouldn't worry about it but at the end of the day what the people you care about do always effects you as well and what happened between troy chad Gabi and my self has effected so many life's, and the lies chad has spread have prevented others from healing the way they should. Ryan and Sharpay know the truth and have done nothing and i wanted to know why.

I got to Sharpay's apartment building and buzzed up ryan was the one who let me in and i braced myself for what i was about to do. They where both waiting at the door when i got up there. " so what was it you wanted to talk about?" Ryan asked. It was no surprise he was so eager where troy was concerned. We sat on the couch and i noted the TV screen was smashed into a million pieces.

" long story" Sharpay said.

" so about what you wanted to talk about.." Ryan said i rolled my eyes for the umpteenth time today .

" yes yes i am going to tell you Ryan, i didn't come over here for nothing. " i want to know the truth" they both looked at me confused. " troy walked in on chad and Gabriela having sex and beat the shit out of chad, and you know that"

They shared a look. " oh for fuck sakes you know its true troy told you just like he told me" i said impatiently. " but chad told you a different story just like he told Zeke Jason Kelsey and Martha and just like Martha and Kelsey relayed to me over Christmas break we all thought troy was a nut case who attacked chad in the middle of gabi's front yard."

" what are we supposed to do?" Sharpay asked " tell him the whole school thinks he is crazy?"

" why is it wrong to tell him that the reason all of his friends are so cold is because chad lied, troy deserves to know the truth!" i yelled. " does he even know they are still together? How can you say he is getting better if its built on lies what kind of friend are you? He would want to know"

" and you want your revenge" Ryan said plainly " you're right, troy deserves to know the truth but not so you can pull one over on chad"

" you think that's what this is about?" i asked taken aback. "because its not at all"

" then why do you care so much?" he asked " it cant all be for troy, you want him to get better but you know it would hurt chad in the end, and yeah you're right troy deserves to know and i should have told him already and i will, tonight"

i sucked my teeth unbelieving why would Ryan do anything to jeopardize his relationship with troy? He was as close as he was ever going to get to having him. " you don't have to believe me but i will not let you tell him and get the satisfaction of doing it."

i frowned i hadn't expected to get such hostility back from Ryan of all people but i guess i shouldn't expect any less. " so I'm not the only one who has a hidden agenda then?" i asked " you hypocrite" his face reddened and sharpay looked ready to strike.

" hold up Taylor" she said " first of all you don't know anything about Ryan and troy so go fuck yourself and second you want to come into my home and throw around accusations and expect us not do defend ourselves?" she was clearly angry about the whole thing. " this was never our problem Taylor we where never involved to begin with but we care about troy and we are trapped between a rock and a pretty fucking hard place so have some compassion if not for us then for troy"

" compassion?" i choked. " no one had any for me..." they both fell silent. " no one cared about how i felt,"

" Taylor you flew across the country " Ryan said. I felt the tears running down my cheeks. " we thought about you too Taylor, the whole situation was fucked and truly i didn't know what to believe for a whole year about the mess but its the summer and check it out we are piecing it out one piece at a time"

i wiped my eyes. He was right. I couldn't go blaming them, they didn't do anything wrong, this whole time they had just been caught in the cross fire. They wanted the best for they people they cared about and they went to lengths to do right by them and that was admirable. " you're right, I'm sorry"

" its okay to be pissed Taylor" Sharpay said. " we get it, no one was there for you threw all of this and that must have sucked, i cant imagine being alone in a new world having gone threw something like that" i let the tears flow and felt a hand on my shoulder.

" just remember that we care about you" Ryan said " we are on your side and we are on troys side and at the end of the day we are going to do what is best for the two of you"

" not to be rude" Sharpay said. " but what brought on this... this?"

i breathed in and out trying to stop crying. " i,i... i went to chads" there was an intake of breath from both of the Evans. It only made me cry harder. I felt pathetic.

" oh sweetie" Sharpay said hovering over me. " why didn't you lead with that?" she said. " what possessed you?"

" i wanted to know the truth" i said with a shrug. " i just didn't realized i couldn't handle it" the poetic irony was almost to much for the three of us and we let out a fit of laughter which was odd because the tension was so thin just a moment ago.

" why are we laughing?" Ryan asked still laughing. " this isn't a funny thing"

" no its not" i said still smiling as i cried and laughed at the same time. It made me laugh harder because i knew i was a mess. Sharpay howled next to me.

" I'm sorry you just look ridiculous" she laughed " i think i might be seriously crazy"

" just noticing?" Ryan laughed. I started to take deep breathes to kill the laughter. I hadn't laughed that hard in a while and it felt good, even though the situation was so messed up and depressing we had found the littlest bit of a silver lining and ran with it.

" you don't have to tell troy tonight" i said. " you're right it would hurt him a lot and he needs to be ready"

Ryan gazed out the window at the city below. " i don't think he would ever be ready, telling him now will open up healing wounds but the longer we know and don't tell him the longer the lie lasts and lies only create bigger wounds over time" he said " i have to tell him tonight" we all shared a sceptical look but we knew it was the only way troy would be able to grow past this properly, i felt a tinge of sympathy for Ryan knowing it could potentially end whatever it is he has with troy but at the end of the day he would do the right thing and troy would eventually get over it. I kept reminding myself that the truth hurts it hurt for me and it is going to hurt for troy, all we can hope for is that he knows who is there for him threw it all.

A/N: this is definitely the shortest chapter in this story every other chapter his almost double the length of this one. I just didn't see the point in breaching further into Taylor life with so much already going on in the story i have realized 16 chapters will just not be able to cut it so the cap is up to 18 for now that may become 20 but we will see, it will not be more then twenty though that i can assure you. Until next Tuesday =D


	12. Chapter 12

Disclaimer: i do not own high school musical i merely have created its dark side

Chapter 12: the hard part.

Ryan

I looked down at the letter in my hand astounded. It was from Julliard, it was just sitting there on the counter, maria our house keeper must have brought it in while i was out and when i saw it i took a sharp intake of breath. I opened it greedily to see what the letter concealed, where they kicking me out, what did this mean? i had stopped attending completely towards the end of the first semester, i had four weeks left but i don't think i was doing all that good anyway.

I let my eyes scan over the words quickly, there was a bunch of formal shit about my attendance and how i had failed all of my courses which i was expecting, but what i wasn't expecting was the second paragraph of the letter.

_An appointment has been made in the admissions office on September __8th __ to discuss your future at Julliard we hope to hear from you in the near future. _

I didn't realize i had a future with Julliard. I thought i had burned that bridge. It sent a thrill threw me and my smile was contagious. I don't know where it came from but i put it in my sweater pocket and made my way to my room. I stopped dead in my tracks when i thought about troy.

If i was going back to new york, what did that mean for him? Was he going to be okay here without me? Of course he was, he has his job at chasers to pay his bills and he has Naomi herself who has been a good friend. But was i able to give troy up? What if i left and my worst nightmare is realized when he falls for the ever perusing Naomi. She looks like Gabi.

And on top of that i am going to be telling him a lot of truths soon, truths that are inevitably going to hurt him and push him further away. I might as well have not walked into his life in the first place if i was just going to abandon him pursuing my dreams in new york. I sighed sitting down on the stairs. This little letter so vague in its pursuit has completely made me reevaluate everything i think is important. I was so close at getting a chance with the boy i had loves since freshman year of high school, a boy who had been threw a world of undeserved pain. Was it all a real chance or was he just so fucked he couldn't love a woman, was it that trauma that had him drawn to me? I was probably the only gay person he knew.

I decided to skip my room and just get in the car. Driving was relaxing, just me my headphones and the dull vibrations of the energy. I wasn't sure where i was going but i knew where i was going to end up. Chasers stood in front of me the H neon letter burned out and sticking out like a sore thumb in the darkness of the night. I thought to myself that maybe seeing troy would give me some sort of reassurance.

I walked into the bar and saw him siting on a stool with a burger of in front him and Naomi standing behind the bar in front of him dressed like a slut no doubt flirting up a storm. I rolled my eyes irritated knowing that i couldn't blame the girl, she knew i liked him forever but he was still straight in her eyes so he was fair game. But it still annoyed me that he worked with her. I was beginning to understand how girls felt when they had a boyfriend.

" hi" i said standing behind troy. Naomi looked up and saw me, she smiled and i couldn't tell if it was genuine or not. Troy turned around and the smile on his face was like a shot of optimism.

" hey, what are you doing here?" he asked getting up pulling me into a hug. I smiled at his endearment and i felt a wave of relief somewhat, for some reason he had this way of making me feel like nothing else but us mattered. I would brood about him while i was alone but when we where together i felt his affection. So why did i get so worried? I caught Naomi's eye and i knew.

" i was wondering if you have a few minutes?" i asked he looked about to react but Naomi made her presence known.

" he still needs to roll silver wear" she said " he is off in half an hour" we both looked at her incredulously but she seemed pretty bent. I was surprised but not at the same time. During this summer troy had become a weird division between her and i and i never thought it would be. I knew she thought he was good looking but never thought it would go this far.

" okay, I'll get a beer then" i said sitting down she smiled and this time i knew it was not genuine but she got the beer none the less. Part of me thought she was going to ask me for id, she would be that kind of person sometimes. And by that kind of person i mean a bitch.

She brought me my beer and smiled again, i returned a smile laced in fakeness. " so, i feel like we never talk anymore" she said, it was almost funny. It was true but the way she phrased it was as if it was my fault. The truth is we haven't talked a lot lately and that was because of her ever increasing interest in troy, and here he was working with her talking to her and ultimately leading her on, or was it me getting led on? " what have you been up to?"

" nothing really, i spend a lot of time at my sisters" i said. She made one of those looks that told you she thought you where pathetic. Naomi loved to let you know when she thought something was stupid.

" sounds like a party" but she said it like it didn't.

" well it wasn't, I've been helping her with applications" i said not that it was any of her business. I looked over my shoulder at troy who was wiping down a few tables. I took a long drink of my beer.

" a little late don't you think?" she said bubbly like hot oil.

" its for after the new year" i said " Sharpay has decided not to re enrol at u of a and try to reinvent herself" she smirked and i could see the bulge in her eyes. There was nothing stupid or pathetic about my sisters choice in pursuing other options and i knew that. it was just Naomi's way of making you feel small but it bothered me none the less.

" she didn't apply for Julliard again did she?" she asked with the tone of a sneer. I didn't know why it mattered but i had i feeling i knew why she had brought it up.

" yeah she did" i said " why?"

she smiled sweetly " i just think it would suck, if she got in and did what you couldn't, no offence" i felt the red creeping up my face and i wanted to vomit or scream or jump over the bar but i knew i was no one here, this was her territory and i had no power. And then i thought about the letter from the admissions office and i felt a little less angry at Naomi for her blatant jealousy. I finished the beer as the clock struck 10 and watched troy pull off his apron. He came up behind me and messaged my shoulders playfully.

" done" he said happily.

" jeez troy" Naomi said flirtatiously " you make it sound like you don't want to be here at all" troy smiled.

" oh come on, you know that's not true" he said with his signature troy Bolton grin. He had started to pick up a lot of his old traits, the smile the charm the chivalry. He was learning to not be angry and move on and be who he wanted to be which made what i was about to do a whole lot harder. " but you know how it is, work hard play hard"

" pshhh" she said " you didn't work hard"

i stood up, as much as the idea of siting here watching Naomi flirt with my boyfriend was appealing i wanted to leave and get as far away from chasers as i could get. " yeah well, its been nice talking to you" i said slapping a bill on the table. She widened her eyes at the amount.

" but you only got one beer" she said picking up the $50 bill.

" meh" i said with a shrug. " pocket change" i waked away from the bar and she was dumbfounded. I never liked to throw my money around like that but i couldn't stand the way she flirted with troy right in front of me, as if she was daring me to say something.

" what was that about?" troy asked as we walked to my car.

" what was what about?" i asked i heard him suck his teeth.

" Ryan" he said taking my hand in his.

" just, why does she have to be such a hoe?" i asked feeling like i was in high school all over again. " and she loves to just make smart comments like she is daring me to say something just so she can point out the fact that I'm some predatory gay!"

troy smiled humorously which made me feel small. " but you forget that it doesn't matter because you aren't a "predatory gay"" he said with bunny fingers. " because you already have me" he pulled me into his arms. " and you don't have to worry about Naomi coming between the two of us." even though he was standing there reassuring me of all of my worries i still had trouble smiling. We got in the car and he turned to me. " what's the matter?"

i looked him in the eyes, he was genuine i could always tell. I sighed and smiled faintly. " lets go somewhere". I drove us to the park where we had spent the night and we just sat there in the car. "i wanna tell you something" i said feeling my heart beginning to beat a little faster.

He looked on i could tell he didn't know how to respond so he just stayed silent. " i want you to know first , that i never lied" i said swallowing. No mater what i would not be called a liar. " but i did withhold a lot of truths." His face turned serous, a little somber but mostly it seemed as though he was bracing himself for what i had to say. My heart tightened and i felt like i wasn't going to be able to say it. " there's some stuff you don't know"

"about what?" he asked half smiling half in dread of what i was about to reveal. " Ryan no matter what I'm not going to be mad at you"

" you say that now but..." i said i felt the tears welling. I didn't want to lose troy but i was in to deep at this point. " troy, the truth, what really happened between you and chad and Gabi, no one knew" i didn't even know how to say it. I came knowing exactly how i was going to break it to him and i couldn't even speak properly.

" what are you talking about?" he asked confused. " just don't get so worked up"

" Zeke, Jason... everyone, we thought" i said shaking my head. " he told us he had tried to work things out with you, he said that he invited you to talk and that you attacked him in Gabi's front yard...troy for a whole year everyone thought..."

" that i was actually crazy" he said looking over at the park. I could see the hurt in his eyes and it hurt me to see it. I wanted nothing more then to hold him but knew he would only knock my advances away. " you knew?" he asked

i nodded. " yes i knew, i knew what Zeke knew and Jason and the others"

" you knew and you didn't tell me" it wasn't a question, it was a revelation and it struck me hard.

" i wanted to, i always wanted to troy you have to know that" i said frantically. I felt my breath hitch and i could feel the sting of tears in my eyes. He looked at me with a blank expression. " i was scared"

" is there anything else?" he said cutting me off. I sat there in silence and he waited looking impatient. " well, is there any other truth's you have withheld Ryan, or is that it?" i felt myself about to crumble but part of me knew that its what the old Ryan would have done not the new Ryan

" no there is more" i said swallowing my fear. " you asked me outside Maratha's house why i would call chad a cunt, and i never got to tell you why, he and Gabi are still together" i could see it in his eyes that i had just lost him. " you said you wouldn't be mad at me but you are"

" that was a mistake on my part" he said not being able to look me in the face. " can you take me home?" i wanted to scream, this was the last thing i wanted and the one thing i dreaded more then anything. I wouldn't be able to stand it. He was closing himself off.

" troy please you have to understand" i said in tears. " understand how hard this was for me"

" how hard do you think this is for me?!" he yelled. I had never scene him lose his temper before. Not like this and to tell it true i was a little scared. He hit his seat hard with tears in his eyes. I could see how conflicted he was " i'm sorry he said, I'm sorry i yelled, i just want to... go"

" home?" i asked he shook his head "I'm sorry troy" i said not knowing how else to address him.

" i know you are" he said not looking at me. I felt awful i knew this was eating him from the inside out and it was only a mater of time before he snapped again and this didn't help the healing prosess of that. He Slammed his head into the dashboard crying. I put my hand on his shoulder as he sobbed. He had done a good job of not letting all of his emotions out but he was hitting a breaking point. He cried for a few minutes the tears soaking the dashboard as i made circles on his back with my hand. I could feel every tremor and every hard breath that brought on more tears.

I wish i could make it all better for him but i knew there was nothing i could do short of being here. After a few minutes i decided to pull out a joint and spark it up. Troy tuned his head from the dash for a few moments and looked at me with puffy eyes as i pulled and inhaled. I held out my hand to him and he took it taking a long drag and holding it in for a few moments before blowing it out with a gentle cough.

I started driving the car unrolling the window slightly to let the smoke escape into the hummed night air. We didn't speak we just passed the joint back and forth. After it was done he put his head on my shoulder and sobbed all the way back to my house. I didn't want to take him home, not like this and i don't think he wanted to go home at the moment. He looked lifeless as he dragged himself threw the house.

" I'm hot" he said pulling his shirt off. I swallowed at his glistening back mussels as he made his way to the yard i followed he dropped his shirt on a patio chair and then pulled his pants off completely. He stood there naked and i stopped dead and he dove into the pool. I had scene troy naked that day in the yard but not to this extent. he swam around for a few seconds before turning to me. " are you coming in?" he asked. i Stood there looking at his nakedness standing in the pool. I was growing hard and and bit my lip. I pulled off my shirt and walked closer to the pool. He smiled and i didn't know if it was real or just the lust. I pulled off my pants standing there in my underwear. " no cheating. He walked across the pool and stood by the side. He pulled off my underwear and started kissing my stomach. He lifted my legs and emerged me in the water. Before i knew it he was attacking my lips. I was fully hard and could feel his hardness against me. It sent a rush of pleasure threw me which only made the tireless fight for tongue dominance. He thrust into me and started kissing and licking my neck. He pushed me against the side of the pool and grabbed both of our lengths stoking them.

" shit" i gasped. He stifled me with his tongue and lifted me so my legs where around his waste.

" i want you" he said slipping his penis under mine so it rubbed against my entrance. I breathed heavily thinking on the situation. I wanted nothing more then to have troy fuck me right here but the whole thing was clouded by doubt. Was he doing this to kill his pain? That was the only reason i could think of, this was sex not love making and i wasn't sure i was comfortable with that. He looked me in the eyes still rubbing his cock against me which caused sparks of arousal threw me. " please" he said with another kiss.

" then take me" i said. He placed his penis at my hole and stuck the tip in slowly. I felt a small pain but it was only small, he pushed in more and the pressure felt weird but when he hit the right spot i felt a wave of pleasure shudder threw me body. I breathed heavy and he kissed my lips.

" does it hurt?" he asked holding my back.

" no" i said " just keep going." I held onto the side of the pool as he thrust again. I let out a cry and he stopped again.

" I'm sorry" he said.

" don't stop troy just fuck me" i breathed. He thrust again with a shudder. And i groaned with pleasure. He looked me in the eyes and i wanted to laugh that he didn't get that i wanted him to just keep going. i grabbed his waste and pulled him closer and his eyes widened. And he let out a loud " fuck!" i nodded keeping the thrusting motion going. " like that, do you get it?" i said taking my hands off his waste and moving them to his neck. I could see the change on his face now that i had redirected him. His thrusts came faster and he began painting. He pressed his body against mine pulling up my legs and fucking me hard and with vigour.

" I'm coming" he said out of nowhere. We hadn't been ding it long but i knew lack of experience would finish us sooner then later. I felt him explode inside of me and pulled out quick " shit!"

" its okay" i reassured him laughing.

He leaned against me and breathed heavily. " are you okay, was it?"

" it was amazing" i said kissing his forehead. " it was everything i had hoped it would be."

" really?" he asked unbelieving. I rolled my eyes.

" no troy not really" i said sarcastically. I put my arms around his neck and kissed him. " i just , was this... was this what you wanted?" he didn't answer for a few moments and it worried me a little.

" yes" he said plainly. I was sceptical of weather or not that was true. I wanted to ask him if he wanted this to forget what i had told him. I wanted to ask if this was just an escape from his true feelings but i knew i wouldn't get a real answer. For a while now i have gotten nothing but indecisiveness from troy, he would tell me he loved me and then show no sign of endearment for days followed by this, it was all to confusing to keep up with. And now i was faced with the choice of seeing where it could lead and leaving it behind completely to get a second chance at my dreams.

" okay" i said. We floated around in each others arms for a few minutes before getting out of the pool. As i was pulling on my shorts i heard the familiar click of the front door opening. It was odd because no one ever came over besides troy and Sharpay but she would usually call me first. I pulled on the rest of my cloths and went to the front foyer. I saw three black suitcases and a driver walking in with one more.

My parents where home.

My mother walked threw the door and sighed from the relief of the air conditioning. " ducky my boy, here to greet us?" she gushed to my embarrassment. I didn't know what to say because i honestly wasn't expecting them home. But that's not saying a whole lot considering i never knew when to expect them anymore but given the circumstances i wished they weren't.

" i was in the pool" i said " i heard the door, wheres dad?"

" he wont be around till later" she said " had some business down town, do you have friends here? Are you hungry i have Balinese on the way" she was speaking to me but her eyes where glued to her phone.

" yeah someones here" i said nervously. I was not at all surprised that my father was down town, he never liked spending time at home.

" aah well tell me who" she said pocketing her phone. " an old school friend, someone from new york?" her eyes widened in suspense, even though i had not spent a lot of time in new york and she was well aware of my lack of friends made in the big apple.

" no, well no to the latter" i said " its troy, troy Bolton"

she dead panned looking towards the back yard. " oh no Ryan" she said with a worried expression. " that just wont do"

" what wont do?" i asked not needing to ask but wanting to here the words.

" Ryan you know what he has done" she said " i don't think that is the kind of person you should be keeping company with dear, its not classy" i scoffed unbelieving at my mothers sheer lack of tact. And she wondered why i was so eager to distance myself from them. If my father where here there would be a spiel about how as long as i am living off of his money i will do what my mother says.

" that's bull shit mother and you know it" i said to her surprise.

" Ryan Evans!" she said loudly " how dare you, your father and i gone for so long and this is our welcome?" i wanted to laugh, as if she was off in some third world country helping starving children for the last half a year and not siting on a lounger in Dubai or Greece or where ever. " i will not have him in my house!"

troy appeared around the corner and walked towards the front door. My mother froze. " don't leave" i said to him. He turned around and looked at me. I see the pain in his eyes. This was just another thing i had kept from him. I knew about my parents dislike for him being the j=kindhearted philanthropists they are. " wait for me, in my car" i threw him the keys and he sulked to the door. I started walking up the sitars.

" Ryan where do you think you are going?" she asked " you have to understand we only care about your safety" i scoffed at the ridiculous idea that troy would ever lay a hand on me or anyone else.

"yeah sure you are" i said " about as much as you care about your image, the Evans image" i was too angry to look at her i wanted to leave quickly so i didn't have to see my father before he got home . " but don't stand here and tell me something we both now is not true" i felt the tears welling up in my eyes as i got to my room. My mother was on my heels. I garbed my Jansport and started to fill it with random articles from the dresser.

" Ryan you don't have to leave" she plead. " i just got here i wanted to spend some time with you"

i wiped my eyes. " well i have been here all summer mom" i said threw my teeth. " its the first week of august and i have been here since before that too, but where where you mother?" i said loudly " because that's what you are right, a mother?"

" Ryan i..."

" don't tell me how to run my life, when you have been absent for most of it" i walked from the room and rushed down the stairs so she wouldn't follow me fast enough to say another thing. I didn't want to see her face. I slammed the door and got behind the wheel. " I'm sorry"

" I'm sick of that word" he said " I'm done with sorry, you don't have to be sorry for what other people say, you don't have to be sorry because you where in a tight position it only makes it sound like they are all sorry and they aren't"

" still, I'm here for you" i said " because lets be honest, it still sucks" he scoffed and smiled.

" yeah" he said, i started the car and he stared absentmindedly out the window. " you know what the worst part is?" he said as i was driving, where i had no idea but i drove anywhere. " now that i know, i mean now that i know about the lies he told, chad" i nodded my understanding. " it just makes me realize that he never once wanted to make things better"

I sighed. I knew a huge part of troy just wished it had all never happened and he could have his best friend back, weather he wished he could have Gabi back is a mystery. " i understand" i said.

" not that he could have made things right" he said " but the fact that he didn't even try, that hurts" he turned to me. " in fact he put more effort into slandering me which..."

" is really fucked up" i interrupted. " but , he will never be happy, he has gone to so many lengths to ensure that he doesn't become the bad guy because he knows he already is"

troy kissed me suddenly like he so often did. We where driving so it was brief but it showed he appreciated what i had to say. " i don't think I'm going to tell Zeke and Jason the truth" he said to my surprise. " i know it sounds stupid but, its been so long, i,ve become a different person and I'm not sure i even want them in my life again"

when i thought about it it made a lot of sense. " they have a life with chad and they are happy with it, i don't want to stir up their lives any more then i already have and that's all telling them would do" he seemed sold in his decision and i would never try to move him, i will only ever support him in his decisions and hope for the best, and i can only hope he would do the same for the decisions i was about to make for myself.

A/N: so enter sex and another set of controlling parents and what do you get? more drama and more insecurity. Which is all a part of growing up right? Any who this is also the longest chapter to date but the next few will be equally as long if not longer. Also we are heading back into the mind of Sharpay so i hope you enjoy and don't be afraid to review i want to hear what the readers think and i will most likely have another posting next Tuesday. So till them stay gold pony boy!


	13. Chapter 13

HSM? Not mine... just borrowing, I'll have them back the way i found them when i am done...

Chapter 13: get the fuck out of Albuquerque

Sharpay

at this rate i think i would have liked it better if josh and troy hadn't reconciled and stayed rivals. That way i couldn't be coxed into going on this ridiculous tom foolery. Ryan sighed as i put a pair of leather boots in my pink rolling suitcase. " there boots Ryan!" i snapped

" the heal is 4 inches, Sharpay!" he said mocking my tone. I glared at him. I don't know why he was acting so Huck Finn all of the sudden, if he didn't have such a hard on for troy i doubt he would be on board for camping. " look, your tennis shoes will work" he put them in the suitcase and sighed again. " in fact i don't know about this suit case."

" ugh" i groaned falling onto my bed. " why is this my life?"

Ryan laughed at me siting down beside me. "Sharpay, do you know how much you have changed, how much you have opened up let lose let this be a walk in the park for you"

i snuggled my face into my pillows. It wasn't the camping, well some of it was but most of it wasn't. " so you're pretty much moved in here right?" i asked.

" yeah, well until i have to go to new york" he said beaming. To think a few months ago he never wanted to go back suddenly troy comes into his life and he cant get there soon enough. It made sense. Ryan's confidence levelled when he and troy became friends, he had desired troy and he had obtained him in a way and Ryan got what he wanted. Now he was seeking something else he wanted and with new confidence. " i haven't decided weather i am going to come back, you know after i go to the admissions office"

" why wouldn't you come back?" i asked perplexed taking my head from under the pillows.

" well depending on what they say" he said looking out the window. "they might give me another shot at re admission, if they do i wont start till January but maybe i should start making new york home"

" it was your home Ryan" i said " you left it"

" yeah but that was before" he said " I've changed, I'm not as timid, ill fight for what i want i will be alone and i will have no one to rely on but myself"

" what about troy?" i pried. There was something that didn't meet the eye with that. I had been suspicious about their relationship and i took any opportunity to read my brother.

" what about troy?" he said with a small wince. I gave him the look and he frowned.

" i don't know he has been relying on you a lot" i said with a shrug. " you go away to new york and he stays here and licks his wounds?"

he scoffed sucking his teeth. " yeah troy and i might be close but he needs to find his own direction, I'm not his keeper i have my own life" i could see it did at least hurt him to say but i was surprised at his approach.

"you've been his only direction Ryan" i said he sighed. " you can ahhh all you want but at the end of the day he doesn't have a whole lot without you, his friends his job because of you" he looked contemplative for a few minutes and i decided i was going to continue packing. To tell you the truth i had enough on my mind.

" well then what do you suggest i do?" he asked perplexed. It was a stretch and i don't know if troy would go for it let alone Ryan but it oddly worked in my head.

" take him with you" i said, my head was beginning to take the lead from my mouth but when it came out it felt right it felt like an answer for some reason. " Ryan I'm not stupid, i mean I'm not of the swiftest but i can read the signs."

" what signs?" he asked but it was written all over his face that he knew exactly what i was talking about.

" Troy's, he's gay then?" i asked awkwardly. He blushed and looked away i don't know why this would embarrass him, if anything it made me a little jealous , i had spent years chasing troy to no avail. A lot has been explained.

" its complicated" he said with a half grin. " i don't fully understand him a lot of the time" his frustration was evident. I could imagine the transition from straight to gay would be a confusing one..

" so how did it..." i asked not knowing how to put it. " manifest" i liked that word.

" after dinner at your place" he said. I was shocked at how long ago that was. They had kept it from everyone around us for that long?

" wow" i said " that long?" i could see the pride in Ryan's eyes, it had been almost two moths since then and it made so much sense, Ryan's whole demeanour had changed with troy. And the idea of Ryan leaving troy behind here seemed out of character for him. " you kind of have to take him with you Ryan"

" what if he doesn't want to go?" at the end of the day i knew it was my brothers biggest obstacle. I felt my phone vibrate again and looked to see Zeke's number. I put my phone in sleep and dropped it on the bed. He had been texting me non stop lately. It took longer this time because usually i would give in first but its like josh was perfectly placed in my life to get away from soothing i never thought i would escape. At the end of the day knew Zeke was fairy tale's at first but was just not good for me and josh? Well josh was a possibility, i hadn't found a reason to not like him yet. Maybe i needed to stop looking for one.

"i don't know" i said trailing off into my thoughts. " have you rethought my proposal?"

" for the last time no" he said with aggravation. I crossed my arms with a pout.

" please come Ryan, josh knows you" i begged " it would make the whole thing less awkward". My parents now back in town and the reason Ryan was hiding out at my apartment invited me for tea the other day and while there i had let slip that Zeke and i where threw. While eating my biscotti josh texted me and my father rudely looked at my phone when it lit up.

" _well you must tell him to join us for dinner then sweetheart"_ my mother said. There was nothing i would want more then for the world to end before they had to meet josh.

" not a chance" he said with a firm crossing of the arms. Our father was a touchy subject with Ryan. Daddy had always been harder on him then he had been on me, sometimes in almost cruel ways. " I'm not going to go back there to listen to dad judge your boyfriend" he said the thing i was dreading the most. I knew my father had a very critical eye and high standard. Few had passed the test and he had always pushed me to get to know east highs golden boy troy Bolton. Not that i didn't agree with him at the time. When i thought about it, troy was too nice to be a straight guy. Josh and him where alike in so many ways but with troy there was something different and it may just be the gay thing.

" i know daddy's going to hate him" i groaned. My father was a conceited ass hole, he would much rather remind us how much money he has and how it has benefited our lives then actually be a nurturing parent. " god why does it have to be tonight?"

" cancel" he said. Open arms by journey blared threw my bedroom startling me half to death. Ryan pulled out his cell phone.

" really Ryan?" i said rolling my eyes.

" i love this song" he said " its mom" i sat silent reminding myself to not let troy anywhere near Ryan's music sense. " hello mother" i couldn't hear what she was saying but Ryan shook his head. " i understand but i think what you did was rude too" i raised an eyebrow Ryan had been foggy on the details of his departure from the Evans mansion. His eyes widened. " I'd rather not, i understand that but..." he sighed and gave up. " if that is what he wishes" he hung up the phone and looked over at me. He threw a pillow and it hit me in the face. " you get your wish"

" she asked you to come?" i asked elated that i wouldn't be the only one having to go threw this. Poor josh was new to the family dynamic.

" he insisted i come" he said " which means come or i cut you off" i was taken aback for a few seconds at what he had just said.

" wait daddy has threatened to cut you off?" i asked. It sounded ridiculous to say. My father would never do that. But then again maybe he would just never do that to me. Ryan's face was a little red, i could see the pain behind his eyes it was heart breaking for me to see. My father had no love for his son. He got up and went to his room, or rather my guest room since now he also had to get ready for dinner. I loved the fact that at least we where leaving this whole mess of a town behind as soon as dinner was finished. I finished packing. I was satisfied with my options since it was only a weekend i didn't have a lot to worry about. I showered and dressed and before i knew it 5 was looming and i herd the house phone ring signifying josh was downstairs. Ryan looked sullen siting on the couch. Dinner was at 5:30, it would have been later but i had my mother compromise. I heard the knock and let josh in, he pulled me into his arms and gave me a kiss on the cheek. He had stubble on his chin and jaw that made him look older. He was also dressed a lot more classy. He had been to my home after all so he knew what to expect from my parents.

" ready?" he asked with a warm smile. I tried to return the smile but it wasn't my regular glowing grin he noticed and took a hold of my hand. " Shar, I've never met your parents and i honestly don't care what they think of me"

" i know that" i said, i knew he didn't care what they thought, josh didn't care what anyone thought about him or his friends. Sometimes it was annoying but a lot of the time it was endearing and loyal. " i just don't what them to change the way you feel about me"

he looked at me incredulously. " what exactly am i walking into here?" he asked confused and humours at the same time.

" the lions den" Ryan said wiggling his eyebrows. I rolled my eyes at his attempts to put the heat on josh. Josh looked at me sceptical. I smiled not knowing what to say. I couldn't exactly say Ryan was wrong. As much as i wanted my brother to be at this dinner to make my life more easy i felt bad about the fact that this dinner would quickly turn into my father telling him all of the things he is doing wrong in his life.

" this is going to be interesting." josh said following Ryan out the door. I hadn't scene my parents since Easter. And Ryan hadn't gone to dinner which rubbed my father awfully the wrong way. But i found myself having a hard time blaming him.

The Evans house was as usual larger and more domineering then it needed to be beside the other modestly sized houses in the neighbourhood. It was the home i grew up in yet every time i have to go back i dread it. Ryan sat in the back seat stewing in his own anxiety about the night. " just relax" i said looking back at him.

" i don't want to be here" he said threw gritted teeth. It looked almost painful. I parked and we sat there in silence for a few minutes.

" wheres troy?" josh asked Ryan.

" not here" he said quietly getting out of the car. Josh shrugged at me and we both got out as well. I wish troy could have been here, it would have made this a whole lot more easy on him to have troy here like i had josh, or given the circumstances josh had me. But something told me troy would not be welcome here. My father had a few words for troy after he beat up chad, words he no doubt shared with the u of a board. My father loved his opinion more then anything he possessed. " he really hates your parents" josh said as we walked to the door.

" no he doesn't" i defended. Josh shrugged knowing i didn't want to go there at the moment. Mother greeted us at the door , just mother not father.

" father?" Ryan asked not wanting to waste anytime he was a pro dine and dasher. My mother winced and i knew he was not here, i sighed. Once again he was not going to make dinner. I could see the relief wash over Ryan's face.

" he is tied up in town" caught up in his assistant is more the nature. Her eyes caught josh and a warm smile spread across her face. " you must be josh, I've heard much" she hadn't heard anything. I had mentioned him once in passing while eating brunch.

" I've heard all about you as well, all wonderful things" josh said with his charm. I smiled. Knowing it was just my mother here i only had to worry about her judging him silently which wasn't as bad as my fathers call it as i see it approach. Though josh had also gone out of his way to look and dress clean and nice for the evening. He had worn black jeans a white v neck and a black bottom up over it, he had worn a black snap back as well but we where all still kids after all.

" yes well..." she said looking at Ryan. " dinner is in half an hour in the dinging room" she smiled looking nervously between the three of us. She knew about my fathers whore and it was written all over her face. " Ryan, would you like to join me in the kitchen?" she asked. I looked at him expectantly. He wanted to die.

Josh and i made ourselves comfortable in the family room in front of the 60 inch plasma. I wondered how josh was feeling, was he relieved that my father was not here? Was he taken in by my mother? " so.." i said

" you're moms cute" he said lacing his fingers in mine, i smiled scrunching my nose.

" really?" i asked

he chuckled. " in a classy way." he said wiggling his eyebrows. I let out a loud honk of a laugh and he started tickling me i shirked in protest as he tickled my stomach and feet. I tried to tickle him back but it didn't faze him i was defeated under his prying fingers and i could hardly breath, i wasn't mad i was happy it was a different state of mind being tickled into a fit of laughter so intense. And then suddenly it all stopped. It was all over and i was taking a huge breath. I turned to look at him and he looked nervously behind me. I turned my head red faced and disgruntled and saw my father standing suit clad in in the entente hall beside the family room. I moved down the couch creating some distance between me and josh. " daddy!" i said excitedly as i could muster without sounding surprised. He smiled slyly.

" hello sweetheart" he said " i don't believe i have had the opportunity to meet..." his eyes trailed to josh and we both stood up quickly.

" daddy, this is josh" i said with a smile looking at him. Josh grinned holding his hand out to shake.

" hello sir, pleasure to meet you" he said modestly. But i could read my father like a book. He met joshes hand and shook it hard. Josh winched under the pressure and i glared at my father.

" yes, josh" he said with a wicked smirk. " tell me josh, when is it okay to fondle my daughter when invited here into my home?" my eyes widened.

" i..." josh stumbled, he was clearly caught of guard by the question. I believe he was waiting for the punch line that was never coming.

" daddy he wasn't..." i tried but my father raised his hand to silence me.

" no, no " he said. " i think you should treat this" he opened his arms to gesture to all of the things around us, his domain his property his blood sweat and tears. His wealth. " with just a little bit more respect" he walked away and we just stood there, the mood of the evening was already on pins and needles and now it was something more uncomfortable. First impressions are everything.

" your dad does not like me" he said, i could see the comical look on his face as if he was happy about it. " kiss my ass and worship my shit!" josh said in a mighty and domineering voice. I wanted to laugh at the jest but it hurt to know that this was the impression my own father gives off.

" i understand why you and Ryan are friends then" i said with a shrug. I wasn't going to be mad at josh for insulting my father after that but i wasn't going to feed his notions of my father, he was still my father.

" I'm sorry Shar" he said truthfully. " should i leave?" my eyes widened.

" no!" i said quickly, that was the worst thing he could do, my father liked to make people bend, if he wanted him to leave he would have told him to leave, he wants josh to stay, so he can get to know him, his way. " its best we get this dinner over with." i could see the doubt written all over his face. I know josh said he didn't care what my parents thought but that could have just been a front. Maybe he cared a lot more then he let on. "josh i don't want you to leave, i want you to stay and have dinner with my parents and i am a grown woman and you can touch me all you like." he grinned but it didn't quite reach his eyes. He was still sceptical and i could not blame him for that, Vance Evans was a hard nut to crack.

Ryan appeared at the door to the family room. He was pale and perturbed obviously my father had spread his uncomfortable presence threw out the house already. " dinner is ready" he said biting his lip" josh and i shared a look and i nodded.

"okay, lets go eat" i said but the attempt at optimism completely deflated and we all walked in silence towards the dining room. I felt sort of like i was on death row. Not literally of course but this dinner could really determine the future of my and joshes relationship.

We each took our seats. Josh took a seat between me and Ryan, mother sat on the other side of him which put her next to father who sat next to me. I knew i would not be the target of his ridicule, i had always been the apple of my fathers eye, a tittle i used to relish in but now i just see it as an injustice to Ryan. " how nice it is to sit down to dinner as a family" my father said grandly. My mother beamed like a fool so in love with her narcissistic husband. " and to... new friends" he gestured to josh with a smile that would seem warm to an unknowing guest. " tell me josh, what is it you do?" he asked as the staff started to come in with the salad.

Josh watched them all curiously before turning to my father. " i work construction" he said modestly. My father nodded intrigued

" school?" he asked with a raised eyebrow.

" well i graduated from north high in 07" josh said

" 2007?" my father asked. " you are quite older then Sharpay then?" i bit my tongue before i sucked my teeth my father was really going to grill him tonight.

" no older then boys i dated in high school" i said with a kind smile at my father, he nodded with a smile of his own.

" none the less" he said putting his hands up in surrender. " why is it you never attended post secondary in the time since?" my mother sat there looking on curious and Ryan sat there downing his salad as vigorously as he could. Probably in the hopes that the meal might end quicker.

I wanted to bury my face in my shirt, it was a face palm moment that i knew would turn my father the wrong way. I wanted to tell josh he didn't have to answer that but i knew my father would push, he liked to know all of your secretes. " truthfully sir, i couldn't afford it" my father scoffed incredulously. His wealth blinded him.

" but surely your parents must have put away a trust" he suggested. To anyone below the poverty line that was a fool notion but not to my father. Josh winced and i grabbed his hand under the table. I knew the complicated past of his family and it was not something he needed to bring up.

" yeah because everyone in the world has the money to send their kids to an ivy league dream" Ryan said beating me to the punch. My father turned on Ryan.

" oh you where listing?" my father acknowledged . " and here i thought you where only here to take advantage of a free meal, like you took advantage of a free education." Ryan's face reddend and i almost choked on my lemon water. The servers came in to clear the salad and bring out soup.

I knew Ryan wouldn't let it bother him, or at least he wouldn't show his hurt and abeyance. Everyone at the table said nothing and my father sat there satisfied. " why am i here?" Ryan asked glaring at father.

" i wanted to have dinner with my family" he said. I looked at Ryan who looked fed up with the whole evening.

" so you could remind me i am a failure" Ryan said with a sad smile. " because that is all you do, remind people how beneath you they are"

my fathers face changed instantly to affronted and rage. " under my roof!" he started, it was nothing i hadn't heard before. " at my table, you will speak to me..."

" with respect!' Ryan said with a laugh. " yes respect, because respect means agreeing with everything you say and letting you walk all over me, god forbid you have some empathy for all of the people who weren't served with a silver spoon their whole lives" he got up out of his seat.

"Ryan!" mother said as if it where so out of character for him to act out in such a way, when in truth Ryan had been crying out for help for such a long time and she was never there to give it to him.

" you sit back down" he said " you sit down or you will be sorry" my father hated losing.

Ryan stood at his seat looking down. " fuck you" he said before walking out of the room. I wanted to follow but knew my father would only tell me not to. And i didn't want to leave josh alone with my parents. I felt sick at how big of a hypocrite i was being. As much as my mother was never there i had rarely come to his rescue either.

" I'm sorry you had to witness that" my father said sadly as if he where the victim . I snapped my head in his direction and josh just nodded. I could see the tension in his face, i could tell he didn't like my father. I could not blame him for that. My father would rather be feared then loved. " Ryan is troubled to say the least."

"yeah, i cant imagine why" josh said. My father gave him a look, it was not threatening but it was a warning. Josh scoffed and looked down at his place.

"i suppose you think you know my son better then i but..." my father started with his finger up.

" yes" josh said simply catching my father off guard. " i do know him better then you, which says a lot because I've been his friend for a little over six months and i still know him better then his own father does" my father got up out of his seat in outrage

" i don't know who you think you are..."

" not a narcissist" josh said getting out of his own seat. " like you"

my father took a look at me as if to ask why i would bring this upon him why i would torture him with a creature so beneath him and it made me sick. " i don't think i like your tone, and i certainly don't think you are right for my daughter"

josh widened his eyes incredulously " get over yourself for a second Mr. Evans, i never asked to come here to eat dinner in your fancy mansion, i was invited" he said " and i didn't come here for your blessing, i don't care about your wealth or your power its obviously made you a cold person and if you don't like me for telling the truth then you can bet the feeling is mutual" josh walked from the room following Ryan's Que and i sat there mortified.

" well sweetheart you really know how to pick them" my father laughed. I felt the tears in my eyes welling and i looked over at the entrance way to the grand dining room.

" why would you do that?" i asked choked and silent. My fathers face fell.

" Sharpay it wasn't me" he defended. I glared at him and knocked my plate off of the table, it slammed into the wall.

" it was you!" i shirked. " you ruin everything, you cant be happy until everyone else is a miserable as you!"

my father looked at me with a new fear, he had never gotten this from me. I was his little girl and i was his mirror image in his eyes. " i just want whats best..."

" for you!" i sniffed " dinner could have been fun, it could have beet great but you only think about yourself and you never give people a chance, I'm not like you and i love josh so I'm done and if you want to cut me off like you have threatened to do to Ryan then go ahead" my mother gave a sharp look to my father and i smirked.

" such a role model" i said shaking my head at the point beyond reasoning. My father would never see his wrongs in anything and that would never change. " disowning a your child and cheating on your wife" i left before the shock of what i said sunk in. I walked to the door quickly and found josh and Ryan leaning on the hood of my car smoking a joint. Ryan looked like he was in tears and josh just looked fired up.

As awful as i felt that my mother had to find out about my fathers adultery i couldn't feel a whole lot of compassion for her knowing she had sat there silent so many times as my father belittled Ryan. I couldn't afford to feel sympathy for her. " give me that" i said yanking the joint out of joshes hand, the two sported annoyed looks until i put it between my lips and inhaled. It went straight to my lungs and i coughed but not too hard. Josh and Ryan both looked astounded.

" what happened after we left?" Ryan asked with a raised eyebrow.

" I'm sorry" i said to josh ignoring Ryan's question. " part of me expected him to be happy for me but he will never be happy for anyone but himself, and I'm sorry to you Ryan"

the confusion was evident and it made me feel worse for not being a better sister. I had always let him get ridiculed and sat there like my mother but now there was no turning back, i needed to be there for Ryan like he had been there for me my whole life he needed it more, and at the end of the day he needed troy as well. " I'm going to be a better sister"

" you already are" he said. We all got into the car after the joint was finished Ryan outed it on one of the pillars lining the drive way leaving a big black mark that someone was bound to eventually notice.

I felt too high to drive so Ryan took the wheel josh sat in the back seat " so that was ... dysfunctional" i bit my lip " well at least i know that rich folk have real people problems too" me and Ryan both laughed. I took a deep breath knowing i was no longer in my parents favour as i had so often been accustomed too.

I had completely forgotten about the camping trip but knowing that we where getting away for the weekend became a welcomed distraction. "ugh i don't want to think about it" i said " lets just go get troy, and get the fuck out of Albuquerque."

A/N: okay so monumental moment the first few paragraphs just so happen to be the 100th page of this story. So fun fact. Also who would have thought that i would be more busy now that school was done then i was while going to school?, so sorry about the larger then usual gap between updates to any one who actually follows this story.


	14. Chapter 14

Disclaimer: i do not own high school musical I'm just using its characters in my twisted little game

chapter 14: happy campers.

Ryan

When we got out of the car at the gas station in Santa Fe i spent a good four or five minutes hugging troy. He hugged me back and didn't ask why, he had even endured a few questionable looks from costumers of the gas station. I just needed him in that moment. I knew even if my parents didn't love me he did and its all i needed. I had thought a lot about what Sharpay had said about bringing troy to new york with me and the idea seemed to make sense the more i thought about it. He could be happy there and once upon a time he had struggled with the decision to pursue Julliard if given the scholarship. But what if he didn't want that? I was back and fourth with the issue of me leaving soon.

Granted i didn't know if i was getting back in or not, the letter asked me to be at the admissions office on September 1st. I doubt they would make my fly half way across the country just to tell me i couldn't come back. But what if i was aloud to go back?

We fondled each others hands leaning against the hood of the car as josh filled the tank. " you.. you're like really gay?" josh asked troy who raised an eyebrow.

" yeah something like that" troy said blushing

" gay for me" i said josh rolled his eyes.

" gay for Ryan" troy said shrugging. I slapped his arm. " why do you ask, I'm sure you have figured for a while now"

" i did" Josh said " i mean, its not completely obvious unless you know that Ryan is gay, then its pretty obvious , i guess its just weird" i raised an eyebrow and joshes eyes widened. " no i said that wrong!"

" a little?" i said

" i just mean, you where a legend man" josh said to troy. " its crazy that the guy that every school in the district feared on the court..."

" yeah, that's not homophobic at all" i said sarcastically josh shook his head.

" Ryan shut up" he said " i don't care that you are gay, why would i care that he is, all i am saying is from a player to player perspective i did not see that coming."

" i get it" troy said " i guess i should be flattered that I'm taking back a hundred years of stereo types"

" while you conform to them eh Ryan?" josh said messing my hair, i ducked away from him.

" screw you!" i said sticking out my tongue." where the hell is Sharpay anyway?" we all looked over to the little store attached to the gas station. I decided i would go into see see what she was up too and pay for the gas at the same time, i took the receipt from josh when he was finished and went into the store. Sharpay was standing there with a basket filled with at least 20 different things.

" that's a lot of food Shar" i said taking in all of the chips and candy. She rolled her eyes.

" well, i like salt and vinegar and you like ketchup, josh is a barbeque guy and i didn't know what troy liked so i got dill pickle sour cream and onion and all dressed just in case, then i thought that was too much chips so i grabbed the chocolate almonds and recess cups then i figured you would want a snickers then i remembered that troy liked snicker doodles and i figured soda was needed as well and can you believe we have never tried chicharones!?" she gushed. I took a step back.

" Sharpay relax" i said.

" what are we going to do Ryan?" she said frowning, i knew she was going to dwell on the dinner debacle, it was in her nature to worry about my parents, she was always scared of getting in trouble and there for giving up her freedom of speech and expression. That was where me and my father did not get along well, i would not bend to his whim and for that he hated me.

" dads not going to cut you off Sharpay" i said she looked doubtful but she knew as well as i that he just wouldn't.

" what abut you?" she asked worried.

" I'll live" i said with a shrug, though the idea of getting cut off was a scarey one, i would think of troy and none of that seemed so awful. He was living, he didn't have a trust fund to tap into and neither did most of the young people in this country so at the end of the day i would be no different then them. " it will be a whole new adventure."

" I'll pay for you" she said suddenly, " if he takes the money , and you get back in school I'll pay your tuition, I'll pay your rent I'll do it all" i shook my head.

" Sharpay, i need to learn how to stand on my own feet" i said , i didn't want her wasting her money on my future and disregarding her own.

" still Ryan, you have a second chance to pursue your dreams i will do everything in my power to make sure you can do that" she said putting the basket of snacks on the counter the owner looked at us like we where crazy and Sharpay just smirked and pulled out her platinum card.

We let josh drive since he was the one who knew where he was going, troy had confessed to usually crossing the border into Colorado whenever he and his family went camping so knew of few places in Albuquerque to go, it was all for the best with me since i got to share the back seat all the way there. It was almost a fifteen minutes drive down a dirt road heavily wooded but once we hit the booth and paid then we drove towards our grounds when we arrived we found it was right beside a river that had a Rickity dock going out over it.

" they don't put a lot of maintenance into these places" Sharpay said siting on the hood of the car as josh and troy put up the tents, i made myself busy by unloading the rest of our things, sleeping bags, alcohol etc...

" its a forest Sharpay" josh said shaking his head.

" that you have to pay to sleep in" she said incredulously. I tried not to laugh, camping was not a pass time i would have taken joy in either but like her i was doing it because troy and josh seemed to think they are tom Soyer and Huck Finn. I was going to enjoy being away from home and away from my parents. It was very dark at the moment seeing as how it was very late, and we had only two flashlights which made the setting up of the camp grounds hard to say the least. " should i make a fire, you do that right?" troy and josh shared a look.

" yeah camp fires are a large part of camping" troy said dropping a pole and walking over to me, as a result the tent collapsed and josh dead panned.

" you are the worst helper ever Bolton" he said

" do you even know how to make a fire?" troy asked me ignoring joshes insult, I shrugged.

" i was ostracized in high school so yeah fire starting should come easy" i said dryly which josh scoffed at but seemed to only upset troy, i turned away. " I'm going to go get fire wood then"

" don't get cereal murdered" Sharpay said while looking at her self in the compact mirror she kept on her at all times. I walked away from the camp ground with the smaller of the two flashlights, i picked up pieces of wood that i thought would burn well and had a large stack piled and ready to bring back when i heard leaves ruffling behind me. I turned around but saw nothing where i shone the light. Every Friday the thirteenth and wrong turn film flashed threw my head in that moment.

I heard more movement turning around once more before feeling a pair of arms close around my waste, the pile of wood was in the air and falling to the ground. I let out a loud squeak before a pair of lips pressed themselves to mine. He chuckled seductively as the flashlight glowed up at us from the ground. " you scared the shit out of me" i said beating playfully on his chest.

" i know" he said nuzzling my neck but i could see the tension in his face. " sometimes you scare me" i raised my eyebrow i don't think i have ever crept up and scared troy before.

" um how?" i asked genuinely confused.

" sometimes when you say stuff" he said shrugging. "it makes me think..."

i backed up. " stuff like what?" i asked. I thought about the joke about wanting to burn down the school it was just a joke to me, but he read into it differently it seems.

" what you said about being ostracizeed" he said biting his lip. " i know it was just a joke, i know that" i could feel the but coming on. " but sometimes i think it bothers you more then you let on" i felt the heat rising in my face and looked away from him.

" what are you talking about?" i asked trying to be evasive but troy wouldn't budge.

" i was a dick to you in high school" he said frowning.

"no troy" i said not wanting him to bring it all up i knew it would hurt me i knew it would hurt him and we were here to have a good time. But could i really have a good time? I was angry and sad and frustrated and jealous and sceptical about everything including him and its started to feel a little overwhelming.

" Ryan, i never gave you the time of day" he said not holding back his honesty. i wasn't sure how to feel about it but i heard him out. " and you have been the driving force in my life since i got it back and sometimes i feel like i don't do enough for you" he looked sad and i felt my heart break a little. He really did care about me, for so long i felt like i was alone uncared for unthought of, it soured my image of the world thinking no one cared about anyone but themselves the one person i love more then anyone else in the world takes the time to think about how i am feeling. He was of a different spices troy Bolton, beautiful and complex inside and out, sheer proof that chivalry still has a pulse in the world and he was mine.

" i love you" i said. " and you are here, no matter what happened in high school or after no matter who we where back then, we have each other now and we now we know who we are"

" I'd do anything for you and I'm sorry" he said i was about to protest but he cut me off " I'm sorry to myself to us, that i never knew you because if i had..."

" well now you do" i said, i kissed him and pulled away from his arms. I picked up all of the wood i dropped and we walked back to the camp sight. There was a fire in the pit already burning " so much for me making a fire"

" well you decided to make out with your boyfriend instead so..." josh said filling the cooler with ice. " but whatever i sort of have camp fire OCD" i wasn't sure what to do, what where you supposed to do when you where camping besides make fires and go fishing and stuff?

" who wants a shot?" Sharpay said holding a bottle of tequila at the door of her and joshes tent. Safe to say drinking was on the short list of camping activities.

It was well past midnight when a group of other campers came strolling up to our site, they where older at least 25 and introduced themselves as Sarah, Kim and john. They had noticed us coming into the grounds. We offered them a few drinks well more then a few, after a while we where getting along like we had known them forever and distinguished both a peeing tree for both men and woman.

Kim however was laying the flattery on thick with troy and i wondered in my alcoholic state of being if this was going to happen for the rest of our lives. I didn't mind , in fact i was proud that i had been the one to own his heart but the irritation of seeing girls just shamelessly flirt with him was sometimes to much. After about an hour i made the executive decision for both of us to intertwine my hand in his before getting up to get a beer. There was a brief silence amongst our new friends but it lasted only a moment Kim never dropped another line on troy for the rest of the night. It was when the stars began to disappear in the sky that we called it a night and went to sleep.

But even sleep didn't come until troy and i had sex, unlike the first time troy knew where to put it and not to hesitate, we grunted threw it making sure not to get to loud knowing Sharpay and josh where in the next tent, but after a few minutes we threw a little cation to the wind knowing they where probably doing the same thing over there.

I woke with troys arms around me, i felt very hot with the sun beating down threw the trees onto our tent and separateed myself from him. My head was pounding and it was a hot day. Part of me hoped i had slept the day threw so the sun would go down in a matter of hours but i soon found as i picked up my cellphone from the side of the deflating air mattress that it was only 1:30.

i rolled back over and put my head on his chest " you up?" i whispered

" i am now" he said cracking one eye to look down at me. He smiled down at me and kissed the top of my head. " its hot"

" you noticed?" i said reaching for my underwear, i pulled them on and then reached into my jeans for my pot, it was the hang over helper after all. I rolled up a quick joint and sat at the door of the tent. Troy pulled on his own boxers and came up behind me putting his legs on either side of mine, he laid his head on my back and we passed the joint back and fourth.

" i think that was the best so far" he said puffing on the joint. I nodded. Letting the high wash away my head ache. I heard a zipper quickly open and the pink fathered mess that was Sharpay came out.

" you actually broguht that thing?" i asked in regards to her pink robe. She glared at me and then grunted at troys provocative position.

"you two look like an Abacrombie and Fitch add." she sat down on the grass next to the door to our tent. She held her hand out for the joint.

" hell has frozen over" troy said in shock.

" trust me no one is more surprised then me" she said taking a dainty drag. She coughed and blew out the smoke, " ok that's me high" she got up walking to the cooler.

" water!" josh called from the tent.

" yeah!" Sharpay called right back. I laughed , it was funny Sharpay had never been with someone who was as domineering as she was. Josh was no where near as domineering but he was a personality. She stomped back over to the tent and disappeared with the bottle of water. I doubted they would be up for a while but i was surprised when they both joined us for breakfast around the fire. Josh lit up the roach we had from the joint and we ate fried egg and toast on the portable flat top troy brought.

I heard the sound of twigs and dirt and turned around to see Sarah johnny and of course Kim walking towards our site.

"hey guys" johnny said " fun night"

" not so fun morning" sharpay scoffed.

" listen we are heading up to the jumping rocks of you guys wanted to come, its usually a huge party spot on weekends" he said " pack a cooler and a lunch and head up the red marked trails." the girls each said bye before they left the way they where going.

There was a lot of protest from Sharpay but in the end we made the hike to the notorious jumping rock, it was not as bad as i expected and when we got there the party had already started we spotted johnny and the girls and a number of others growing over time. Sharpay peered over the side of the cliff at the river below.

" i am not jumping off of that" she said, josh gave her a playful shove towards the edge and she jumped punching him in the arm. " ass hole"

" its deep and completely safe" josh said

" completely?" i asked doubting it was completely safe.

" well pretty much safe" josh said pulling off his shirt to let the sun beat down on his bare chest. " i have camped here a million times and come here a million more and i have never died jumping into the river"

" clearly" i said rolling my eyes. I walked over to the edge looking down at the water below, it was high but i felt like i could do it if i wanted to, i looked to troy who stood well away from the edge. "are you down?"

" no, i mean i guess if you want" he said nervously. I walked over to him and put an arm around his waste.

" I'm sure we will be fine" i said " i mean i have a huge fear of heights and i wanna try" i pulled him closer to the edge and he resisted but still came. He bit his lip gently.

" I'm not scared" he said in his defence but i knew him better then that, " its just ... high"

" yeah i guess" i said nonchalantly walking towards the others. The first thing i knew i was being passed a beer from Johnny.

" i drank about six of yall's last night" he said. I sipped it for a few minutes letting the sun really get me hot.

" its freaking boiling out today" Sharpay said fanning herself and unfolding a chair in the shade. Troy also took his shirt off and i couldn't help but giggle a little about it, i guess he was never one to be outdone. Several of the girls there gawked and several of their boyfriend glared but i could do nothing but revel in it. He was all mine, and i new before the day was over he would be jumping off of that cliff with me.

After a few beers we made our way down to the water on a much less complicated trail then the one we took to get here. Sharpay didn't want to leave our stuff but the other girls assured her that it would be sitting right at the edge of the forest where she left it when we came back. Troy, josh and johnny threw around a football on the way and Sharpay struggled behind taking her time on the steep parts. Somehow i found myself between Sarah and Kim and felt an onslaught coming.

" its Ryan?" Sarah asked politely.

" yeah" i said " Sarah and Kim" i said pointing to each of them in turn.

They giggled and nodded " yeah, didn't think any of you guys remembered after how drunk we all got"

" you did didn't you?" i asked

" well we have a couple of years on you guys" Kim said with a smirk. Funny those years didn't stop her from scoping out my boyfriend. "so you and troy are like together right ?" . i wanted to roll my eyes but i didn't. I never liked talking about this kind of stuff without troy there, i always feel like i am going to say something wrong.

" yeah, we are" they both awed and i did actually roll my eyes, i thought girls thinking gay guys where cute was ridiculous, i didn't think straight couples were cute nor did i think lesbians where cute but i let them swoon

" how did that happen?" Sarah asked intrigued, i was assuming she meant how was i lucky enough to find a gay vision of every females fantasy.

"well we went to high school together" i said they awed again. " no its not like that, we weren't really friends back then but we both went on our respective way after school and after a year just clicked i guess. We have been together since the beginning off the summer"

the girls shared a look. " well between you and me, you bagged yourself a real 10" Kim said which came not at all as a surprise.

" well between me and you" Sarah said with a sexy smile. " troy is the one who hit the jack pot" my face warmed at the idea that a girl was flirting with me, i was not used to that, most girls i had known had just assumed i was gay or thought Sharpay being my sister was far to much work and Kelsey was meek when we dated and didn't have the game to spit.

" um might not want to let your boyfriend here you"i said eyeing the boys further ahead. The two of them had to stop due to laughing. I was confused and it drew the attention of both Sharpay and the boys.

" johnny is not my boyfriend!" Sarah said almost as embarrassed i was at this point. " he's my brother!"

now that i thought about it i hadn't noticed anything that suggested that they where anything more then bother and sister, i guess things just looked how they looked, neither one of them looked like the other so there was little resemblance. " right, brother and sister, and Kim fill me in what are you a cousin, estranged neighbour?"

" just the best friend" she confessed. We reached the boys and walked the rest of the way together, josh fell back to help Sharpay which i felt was her intentions, Sharpay and i had mastered the most complicated dances yet she was having trouble hiking.

Once we reached the water i wasted no time in jumping in. It was cold but refreshing and the current was weak enough that i didn't have to put a whole lot of effort in not floating down stream. Troy followed me in and dunked my head under the water. I came up and did the same to him and he grabbed me round the haste picking me up and throwing me into the water again.

" not fair!" i said when i came up for air. " you're stronger then me"

" i cant help it" he beamed. I splashed him and he splashed me back which led to an all out splash war which turned into wrestling which turned into just swimming around in each others arms. Our new friends where generous with their beer and even began to grill up hot dogs over a fire. We drank and ate and smoked pot and swam the day threw and i completely forgot about everything bad that was happening in my life.

By comparison i had daddy issues to some of the things others had to deal with so maybe troy was right it did get to me more then i let it show. But today and the rest of the weekend wasn't the time to think about it. It was time for something positive.

Troy and i made our way down the trail passing a joint back and fourth. " you know summer is almost over" i said playing with his fingers. " have you thought about what you want to do when it is?"

he stopped in almost dread. " is that what you wanted to go on a walk for?" i knew it was an issue he was struggling with, figuring out what to do with his life, finding the inspiration and the last thing i wanted was for him to think i was stepping on his toes.

"no troy its not like that" i said pulling him along i put my arm around him and we walked. " I've just, I've wanted to ask you something but there hasn't really been a good time to do it" i knew this was right i cold feel it now that this was the best idea weather he liked it or not i would know where i stand and i would be able to move on from there.

"is this going to be one of those change everything conversations?" he asked , clearly he was oblivious.

" i got a letter from Julliard" i said ripping the band aid off, he looked like he didn't know how to feel " i think they are going to give me a second chance" i could see the hesitation in his face but it was replaced by a huge grin.

" that's awesome" he said but i felt unconvinced. " new york is where you want to be, I'm happy for you" but he wasn't i could see it in his eyes that this was his world falling apart and all he knew he could do was be happy for me.

" you sound happy" i said sarcastically. He looked rather taken aback and i laughed.

" whats so funny?" he asked crossing his arms. " look i don't know what you are getting at but I'm not going to be okay about you just leaving" i could see he was really starting to get worked up so i knew i had to nip it in the bud.

" i know" i said " that's why i want you to come with me"

Troy was stunned silent, he just looked down at me like he had misinterpreted what i had just said " you... said... but why?"

" because i love you" i said " and i love new york and you would love new york and this time, we can face it together" i wanted this more than anything and the ball was now in his court.

" i cant afford that" he said

" i can" i don't know if that was true as of last night but knew i couldn't do this without him, if i went to new york alone and just left troy here alone i would fail and so would he, this way we can both succeed in a new place together. " say yes"

" yes" he said without hesitation. " my mom will die but yes, i want that very much." then we stooped walking and he pulled me into a hug. " i don't think you know what it means to me Ryan" he said into my shoulder.

" i do" i said squeezing tight. " it means a new start, a real one we can be who ever we want to be"

troy kissed me then, hard and heated and eager and i let him have everything he wanted. There was nothing that could upset me at this moment. Troy and i had a future, there was no fear of what will happen next with us. He was part of the next step and it was almost to good to be real. I realized we where closer to the top of the trail then we where to the bottom and a devilish grin spread across my face.

" what?" troy asked, i just garbed his hand running to the top of the hill. " Ry, what?" he laughed until we reached the forest edge and looked down over the river. " oh hell no!"

" please?" i asked, i don't know what it was but i just wanted to so bad, if i didn't have troy i would probably be scared but he put new life into me as i did him and i knew if we did it together it would be okay.

" no" he said flatting my dreams. I rubbed his hand.

" its just us" i said " i know you are afraid i am too, but its just you and me and we are doing this because i love you and you love me so just hold on"

" to what?" he asked frantically i rolled my eyes.

" to me" i said flatly " on the count of three"

" if i die, I'm going to kill you"

" 1"

" if you die i am going to kill you"

"2"

" i love you"

"3"

and then we jumped.

A/N: okay so my original plan of 16 chapters is still a go, the next two chapters might not be on my regular update schedule so if i don't have a chapter up next week its only because the chapters themselves are going to be quite long. And for anyone who is worried that means the end of troy and Ryan's adventure it is not because i will be posting the first chapter of the sequel this summer


	15. Chapter 15

Disclaimer: i do not own high school musical, i have merely created its dark side

Chapter 15:

Troy

I was beaming for the last few weeks, there was not a thing i could find a problem with, well of course except for Naomi. She was beginning to become a problem. I thought if i just showed her i wasn't interested she would get the hint but she just keeps flirting with me to no avail. I could tell it was beginning to get Ryan a little worked up and that was the last thing they needed as friends was for me to come between them. I liked Naomi... most of the time, but she was Ryan's friend and she needed to remember that.

For some reason it seemed to be the first thing i would think about in the morning when i woke up, now for instance. I heard a light rap on the door and shifted my body into a siting position. "come in" i called. My mom stood at the door with a warm smile and i attempted to give the biggest smile i could. I hadn't told my parents i was planing to go to new york in a week but i knew they wouldn't like it. From the second Ryan told me i knew my parents would have some issue with the idea but i knew it was what i wanted for myself and for Ryan.

" troy we have guest coming today" she said " at one your aunt and uncle are going to be here with the kids, we are having a BBQ" i felt the bottom of my stomach open. I didn't know about this and i didn't want to stay.

" well that's nice, I'll be out" i said getting ready to lay back down for a few more hours of sleep.

" troy we want you here today" she said. " you're cousins want to see you its been so long and your uncle James has asked about you too" my mothers brother was a real jack ass if you asked me. Always had an opinion about everything and my cousins where spiting images of both him and his mousy wife.

" well you could have said something" i said

" i would have but you always find a reason" she said with a sigh. I didn't want to be here and besides i had to work tonight. I suppose that was a better excuse that any to get out of it.

" i have to work" i said

" i wish you would tell me more about this restaurant you work at" she said paranoid. The truth was my mother would prefer i was still 16. she thought she was losing me and maybe she was but whenever she brought up these protests it was just annoying to me.

" i need the money" i said " i need to be doing something"

" money for what?" she asked. It was a stupid questing and i knew that but all she wanted to know was if i was on drugs or something. And i was sometimes pot only but it was still considered a drug and i wondered what kind of fit she would throw if she had an idea.

" for everything mom" i said scratching my head.

" what if you could invite a friend?" she said finally, my head snapped up. Was that some sort of trick question? she knew of only one friend of mine so i wasn't sure how to react was she inviting Ryan to our house for a BBQ?

" like who?" i asked

" Ryan i suppose" she said, i could see even she wasn't sure she was convinced but she said it. I felt warm all of the sudden, she had never extended an invitation for Ryan to come over before and i thought she never would but it seems the gains would be outweigh the losses which to me didn't make sense because i didn't understand what they didn't like about him in the first place.

" then alright i will stay but i still have to work tonight so i will have to leave at some point" i said warning her that i didn't want to be hassled about it again.

" fair enough" she said " having money is important i suppose, how are you doing anyway?" this was the part where she pried into my life finding out what it was i was doing when i left the house in the morning and didn't come back till late at night.

" well i just woke up so i don't really know how i am doing today" i said evasively. She looked stern but then softens.

" of course" she said softly. " we can talk about it later then" she left my room shutting the door. I sighed, we wouldn't end up talking about it but i knew she would think about it till the next time i avoided her questions. I eagerly pulled out my phone and called Ryan.

" its kind of early" he said groggy " i love you but its early"

" yeah i know but something came up so i cant come over today" i said biting my lip.

" oh, that's fine i guess" he said i could here the disappointment in his voice. " I'll see you tonight after chasers then"

" or" i said cutting him off. " you could come over here?"

" go over there?" he asked skeptically. " like to your house where your parents are?" i knew it was odd for him since it had never happened since the summer began. In fact i had spent less time here than anywhere else, i didn't even eat three square meals here.

" i have family coming over for a BBQ" i said " my mom said i could invite you" the line was silent and i wasn't sure if he was still there.

" i don't know" he said breaking the silence. I understood why he was reluctant but i really wanted him to be here, and i couldn't let him not wanting to come stop me from staying. I realized i hadn't thought of the possibility that he maybe wouldn't be interested in being here with my family. As much as that idea hurt could i blame him? My parents hadn't been friendly to him at all the times he came to pick me up or waited as i got ready. Could i be upset with him for not wanting to be around them? And if he didn't what did that mean for us?

" you don't want to come?" i asked even though i knew the answer.

" i do want to come" he said " i just, i don't think your parents like me a lot"

" if they didn't like you they wouldn't have invited you" i defended even though i wasn't sure.

" or maybe they are just sick of you always going out and never checking in with them or telling them anything about where you go and what you do and they realize the only way to stop it is to have me there"

" either way its a win win situation" i humoured, he giggled and sighed. " i just want you here, and you can meet my family"

" compelling" he said as if it was anything but. I wasn't sure i could truly say i wouldn't be mad if he said no. I would, not because he didn't want to come but because he felt as though he wasn't truly welcome.

" i start work at five" i said " come at three stay two hours and then we can leave" i wish i didn't have to beg but i felt like i did.

" troy i never said i didn't want to come " he said as if he was reading my mind, "can i bring anything?"

" no just yourself" i said with a smile. " thank you for coming, i don't know how i would have survived."

i heard him sigh and wondered what he had to say i didn't like those moments where i could see doubt but he never said anything. Part of me still believed he was still timid to tell me when he is bothered but how long could he still feel this way? " what is it?" i asked

" you say it as if you hate your family all of the sudden." he said, the stress was clearly evident in his voice. " i just, i don't want to put a gap between you and your family, if they don't like me then..."

" Ryan don't even finish that sentence" he said " if they don't like you then fuck them, i like you" i wish he could just understand it already, it had been a whole summer i had learned to like Ryan even love him and he still thought we weren't worth a thing. " i love you, you love me right?"

" i do" he said still sounding concerned. I didn't know what i had to do to make him see, i didn't know what words i could put together to get his guard down i was stumped and frustrated with him and i had no idea how to make it better. I had opened up to him i had let him see inside of me why was he so closed off?

" I'll see you later" i said, he sighed again.

" yeah, see you at three" he said. I hung up the phone and once again felt the comfort of my relationship with Ryan cramp up. I showered after that and dressed. At around 2 my family began to show up and i made my way to the living room. Now that i thought about it i had not spent a lot of time in this room since before i went away. I think this was the party my mom wanted for me the day i came home and i think now i was ready to face the music.

First to show was my moms brother James, he had four kids, all boys and a fifth on the way. His wife Kate was very far along. The two oldest boys where Shawn and Greg who where just two years younger then me. The last time i saw them they kissed the ground i walked on while i taught them how to do lay ups. That had to me at least three years ago. Now , well i don't know how they felt about me.

They no longer looked like little kids anymore they had both gotten a hell of a lot taller and Greg looked like he was the kind of kid who went threw girls like they were objects. He had cocky shit written all over him. " troy the boys are here" my mom called from the door" i stood up and crossed the room to the door.

" hey" i said rising my arm. They both looked at me like an alien species. My uncle James grinned and patted me on the shoulder.

" troy, good to see you son" he walked passed me. " jack out back, getting the grill fired up?" he then said to my mother.

" yes and the steaks are ready to be seasoned" my mother looked as though she was in her glory. Her family was here and together so she could block out the fact that her son had never been so far away while standing in the same room. The boys mindlessly followed their father and i stood there for a few seconds in a bit of awe for some reason.

I walked to the sliding glass doors. My mother and Kate where having a laugh about something. My father and uncle James where talking about our new barbeque. Uncle James was going on about what made his better which was always the case. My father grinned along but i knew he hated my uncles boasting. " troy you a grill master like your dad and i?" he asked.

" not really" i said caught off guard. My dads face fell a little. James nodded. He looked about to say something but the door bell rung. Grandma Anderson whom was my mother mother had arrived and now it was time for the grilling.

" oh stop!" he complained as my mother tried to take off her cardigan sweater. " i feel i chill, if i wanted it off i would have taken it off" she hobbled threw the siding glass door. " James thank you for meeting your poor mother at the door, i remember that when i am writing my will"

" sorry ma" she waved him off looking at each of his four kids in turn the two little ones Brady and Liam where running around the court.

" where is he?" she asked turning around. " ah my boy" she said looking at my dad. " is that a new grill, you should get a new grill James" i almost smiled. She walked over to sit down and looked at me. " troy, ah i thought you where dead"

" mother!" my mom said but all i did was laugh.

" well Lucile honestly how could you let them take him away for a whole year!?" she said " clearly there is nothing wrong with him, it was the little Mexican girl" the conversation took a somber turn and i no longer felt like laughing. " if you ask me he did the right thing beating that devil"

" jeez ma" James said loudly. He had pride when he was sober.

I was thinking whatever god existed that Ryan didn't have to be here for this. My grandmother was an old fashion old valued racist and it flowed threw her veins. Unfortunately racism was not the only old fashion closed minded opinion she had and the idea that Ryan was coming was starting to feel a little less appealing. I was beginning to wonder if i should have invited him in the first place. " well its true, jack you shouldn't have let him date at that school it made him all looney"

i didn't like it when i was talked about like i wasn't here but that was something my grandmother did often and loudly. It was something we had all gotten used to over the years but i believed my mom still shared some of the same values as her mother. At least the ones she reserved for homosexuals and Ryan was a speculated gay among parents of east high students just as he had been among the students themselves. My grand mother ranted about me for a few minutes but i was hardly paying attention i was more preoccupied about the fact that Ryan was gong to be meting my big ignorant family. " and that's how the gay's happened" i caught. I looked up not to quickly that it was obvious.

" I'm sure that's not true" my dad said with a chuckle. I furrowed my eyebrows in confusion. I hadn't been listening. " I'm pretty sure, that's just something you are born with." I looked at my father who carelessly flipped the steaks. Did he really think that? Did my father truly believe being gay was something you where born with? And that perhaps he was tolerant even?

" nonsense" my grand mother said. " they are just reckless and wild their taint comes from the devil" Greg let out a small spit of a laugh and Shawn followed suite. I shut my eyes trying not to let myself get angry. She was full of shit, there was nothing wrong with Ryan, and there was nothing wrong with me. I thought about what my father had just said about it not being a choice and it made me wonder if i was the exception to that rule. Had i chosen to like Ryan? Or had i always had feelings for guys?

When i do think about it, any guy that i was friends with i held in high regard, higher regard then i ever held for a girl in fact before Gabi girls where really just little a blip on my radar. I did like girls and i had spent hours looking at stolen play boys and the local bikini girl in the news paper but i remember also seeing abs and guys asses and not being grossed out, never attracted. But now...there was nothing more sexy then Ryan with no cloths on, he was pale and soft and muscular after years of dancing. And i cant deny while we where camping and johnny gave us all a show of doing a cartwheel off of the cliff completely naked, i was somewhat aroused.

Had the years of poisonous influence by my grandmothers ignorance the reason i had suppressed my true feelings for so long? I was caught off guard by the door bell. I had no idea what time it was or where the conversation had gone from where it had left off but i jetted out of my chair around the patio table and went to the front door before my mother could.

" hi" Ryan said simply which made him sound and look adorable. It brought a warm smile to my face despite the anxiety i was feeling moments ago.

" you're early" i said. Which in hindsight was a bit rude of me. " i mean, hey, its just..."

" i know the drill Bolton" he said which confused me a little. "just chill" he walked passed me into the house. He was charring a cylinder in his hand and i arched an eyebrow. " wine, for your mom"

" how did you know my mom liked wine?" i asked incredulously

" because, shes a mom" he said as if it was obvious. I laughed and he laughed and then i caught his eye and the urge to pull him into my arms was almost too much. It was crazy i know, i had scene Ryan yesterday and the day before and i was seeing him today but the idea that i couldn't hold him like i was used to doing was a weird sort of withdrawal. I heard foot steps and broke the eye contact at my mother met us at the door

" hello Ryan" my mother said friendly but not overly so. I wasn't sure if it was because she didn't like him or not. Usually she was always more happy to have my friends here.

" hi Mrs. Bolton" Ryan said politely. She forced a smile and i was confused. Where was the just call me Lucy? She was never this cold when meeting anyone i brought home. Why was i pretending like i didn't already know why? " my parents where thrilled that i was invited and sent over a bottle of red, its from our home cellar, a rare vintage"

"oh" my mother said taken aback by the sentiment, clearly she was having some inner battles in regards to Ryan. She must by know how close we have become without knowing how close we have really become and it that way she is making an effort but Ryan's kindness in the whole matter made her feel guilty about her disdain. I knew that was probably Ryan's intentions. He was smart like that, he had a lot of cunning in him, and i had no doubt it had always been there, even when he was being made fun of in high school. I grinned knowing it must be true since he hated his parents and he lived with Sharpay, though it didn't explain the expensive bottle of wine he brought as a gift. " well thank you, I'll bring this to the kitchen and we will have a glass with dinner"

she walked away with the cylinder holding the wine and i looked right at Ryan. He shrugged. " what?"

" you are truly a great actor" i said. He scoffed and shoved me.

" that was not acting" he said, but i wasn't convinced.

" that whole deal with your parents?" i asked " what was that?"

" that was a little acting" he said squinting. " but your mom hates me so i was trying to make a good impression."

" she doesn't hate you" i said with a quiet tone. I mean she might have but the idea was so uncomfortable with me that my mother and my boyfriend just didn't see eye to eye. Well it was sort of one sided Ryan had never openly said he didn't like my mom but he was like that, he would let it stew inside of him and suppress his opinion for the betterment of our relationship which before now had been one of our biggest obstacle, still is one of our biggest obstacle's but now i was sort of grateful for it.

" troy, she does not like me" he said, he was adamant about it and deep down i knew it was true. My face softened and i held back the urge to hug him again. We probably could here with no one around to see it but i restrained myself.

" well she shouldn't" i said. He smiled a small smile and chuckled.

"yeah, that's really good wine" he said.

I wish we could just stand here in front of my stairs and the door talking with Ryan and forgetting the rest of these people where here. but at the end of the day i knew we had to go outside and endure this afternoon. I looked at him nervously. " look my grandmother is a little old fashion"

" so is mine troy" he said " because she is old"

" that's not exactly what i meant" i said as we walked towards the patio. I couldn't really explain myself anymore and hoped Ryan would have to find out what i meant.

" hi Ryan" my father said with a wave. " hows summer been treating you?"

" hey coach Bolton" he said " its been alright, its always nice to live in a town that's always sunny and beautiful"

" i guess new york was a bit of a shock for you" he said with a chuckle , i was almost confused that my father was being so nice to Ryan. " and call me jack, you don't go to east high anymore." My eyes searched the patio for my mother but she was not there, she must have still been in the kitchen.

" to say the least" Ryan said. My father got back to the grill which meant it was time to get to the introductions.

" so this is my uncle James, and his two sons, Shawn and Greg, the other two are over there playing Brady and Liam" Ryan looked off into the yard to see the other two boys. he then shook everyone hands.

None of them looked to happy to meat Ryan, it was a bit of an awkward exchange which was odd because they had never met him before, had my mother said anything prior? I had no doubt that brother and sister talked but had her speculation spread all the way to uncle James? "guys this is Ryan"

" hello Ryan" said my grandmother eyeing him suspiciously. " are you insane like my grand son?" Ryan laughed at my grandmothers senile comment.

" mother!" my mom said from the door. I put my hand on my forehead and Ryan giggled beside me.

" you aren't the only one with a dysfunctional family troy" he whispered in my ear. I gave him a genuine smile.

" it was just a question Lucile" my grandmother said. She turned back to Ryan. " what is you do then if you are not a nut job, do you go to school?" i was worried Ryan would get grilled for details about himself by my grandmother. She loved gossip and telling people what she thought. But Ryan held his own liked i knew he would.

" i am a dance major at Julliard in new york" he said, he left out the part about dropping out but i didn't blame him. No one wanted to sit in front of there boyfriends family and spill the beans about their failure. even if they didn't know we where together.

" dance?" she said loudly " what man dances?" i felt the warm feeling of annoyance rising in my chest and face.

" a man who uses it to get a full ride scholarship to an an incredibly prestigious ivy league school" Ryan said plainly. He said it with a smile but for anyone who could pick up on it, it was a challenge. My grandmother eyed him curiously but nodded with a smile.

" play any sports?" my uncle James asked.

" baseball" Ryan said. I smiled, he had his bases covered for today, pun intended.

Uncle James looked thrilled. " Shawn plays ball, short stop, best player on the team" he said beaming at his son who looked unphased by his fathers praises, either he was the best and it took its toll or he just was not as good as his father made him out to be.

" pitcher" Ryan said

" need a good arm to be a pitcher" James said impressed. " but i guess you didn't get into basketball though"

" well Ryan was the wildcats mascot throughout senior year" my dad said. " he was a very well rounded student, that's why he and troy are such good friends"

James nodded " i bet" there was i hidden meaning there that made my stomach turn a little, it was humoured but i could see the tension on my fathers face.

after the initial awkwardness Ryan settled into light conversation with my uncle about the isotopes , i was realizing maybe this day wouldn't be so bad. My father continued to cook the steaks and my mother and aunt talked together with my grandmother. I looked over to the half court to see Shawn and Greg playing with their little brothers, Greg was holding the ball above Brady's head as he tried to jump for it. It was something i could see chad doing to the likes of the rocket man.

I scoffed getting up out of my chair. Ryan oblivious lost in baseball talk. It was odd to hear him talk so technically about a sport. I walked towards the court. Maybe it was time to put my frustrations about this whole basketball thing aside. Maybe it was time to let it rest.

" what a fag" i heard. my head snapped up. I saw Greg standing there smug as he laughed Shawn stood there with a blank expression but both realized i had heard. I felt the heat in my face raising again. I looked back at Ryan who was innocently talking unaware of the words being said about him, or was it me.

" did you just call my friend a a fag?" i asked. Shawn's eyes went wide and he shook his head. I walked towards them both and Greg smirked which just made me angry.

" no" he said nonchalantly.

" i just heard you" i said " you just said what a fag, who where you talking about" Greg stood there defiant and smug. I wanted to hit him but i knew it would only be worse for me if i did. Here he was cruelly mocking the person i love more than anyone in the world and...

" you" he said catching me off guard. " and your boyfriend". He didn't even have time to smirk because my fist had already connected with his jaw. Blood sloshed out of his mouth as he fell to the ground with a cry . There was a pregnant silent for less then a second before Liam the youngest of Greg's brothers began to wale.

" what the hell?" my uncle James said standing up. " what did you do!?" he knocked over his chair running towards his son who was on the ground moaning in pain. I took a step back and bumped into my father.

"troy!" he said. My uncle turned on me. I looked aimlessly for Ryan. But i felt dizzy and unreal like none of this had happened like it was all just in my head. But it wasn't it was real and i had just broken my cousins jaw. Shawn stood there shocked.

" you little shit" my uncle yelled getting to his feet and coming at me. My father stood in front of me. " don't protect him jack he has it coming"

" back off James" my father said protectively. " there has to be a reason..."

" your son is a nut, that is the only reason for any of this" i was still in a daze like none of this was happening. I felt a hand on my shoulder and turned to see Ryan. He looked on with conviction at the argument in front of him. " we are leaving now"

" don't bother" Ryan said. Everyone looked at him. " we are gone" he squeezed my shoulder and pulled me away from the scene. I could here my father arguing with my uncle till we reached Ryan's car. I heard the front door open,.

" troy, how dare you" my mother said rushing down the front path. "you are not going anywhere" i didn't answer just looked at her. I knew what i did was wrong. But i did it anyway and i didn't feel bad. And that was the scarey part. I didn't feel bad for hurting someone yet again.

" and who is going to stop him?" Ryan asked out of patents. My mother looked at him incredulously. " who is it going to help if he stays here? Clearly your to blind to see that the help you think he needs is not working..."

" i don't know who you think you are but..." i grabbed his shoulder and pulled him back and got close to my mother.

" he is the only person who has ever remotely tried to understand how i feel" i said " that's who he is" she looked at me like her worst fears had been realized in that moment. I backed away from her and got into the car. Ryan followed suit and my mother just glared at the car as it drove away. I took a deep breath. I felt a sharp pain in my shoulder.

"what the fuck is wrong with you troy?!" he asked enraged. I hadn't realized he would be this angry with me. " what possessed you to hit him, have you learned nothing" i could see the tears welling up in his eyes.

" you don't know what he said" i defended.

" it doesn't matter what he said" Ryan said frustrated. " people are going to say things that make you angry you cant just hit them, that's your family troy, you might have broken his jaw , i thought you where past this"

"OKAY!" i yelled. I didn't need this not from Ryan now now. He was supposed to be on my side not theirs, he was my family not them. " i thought you where different" i heard Ryan's breath catch. He stopped the car on the side of the street well away from my house.

" don't you fucking dare" he said. I turned to him, " don't you dare sit here and act like I'm jumping ship on you troy, i fucking love you and you know it, I'm just..." a tear escaped from his eye and rolled down his cheek. " i don't want to lose you" i scrunched my eyebrows, the idea seemed stupid at first then it dawned on me. He was afraid i was going to get re admitted to the hospital.

" I'm not going anywhere Ryan" i said " neither of us is, I'm sorry for hitting him, it was stupid"

Ryan started the car staying silent until we reached chasers. It was to early to start working so we just ordered the food we didn't get to eat at my house. I wondered if Greg was okay, if his jaw truly was broken or if i had just knocked out a tooth. I wondered if Shawn would tell his parents the truth or if he would cower in fear of his twin brother.

It was around four thirty that Naomi showed up. " hey guys" she said. She had lightend up significantly since we had told her i would be going to new york with ryan. It was my way of telling her to back off and i think she got the hint. She still didn't know we where together. The only reason josh even knew was because he had become an attachment of Sharpay. " troy you looked raddled" . Leave it to Naomi to bring that up.

" its nothing" i said. She shrugged and passed us on her way to the back. We sat there in silence for a few miniatures. I wondered what was going on in his head. He looked at me and i could tell he was restraining from touching me.

" so what, did he call me a fag or something?" he asked. I nodded, but he hadn't just called me him a fag, he had called me a fag as well. It was the first time anyone had ever said it to me and it was the first time i realized how much it hurt to hear.

" called me a fag" i said looking down at my plate.

" oh" he said. " i never thought... i mean , i never thought anyone would"

" well why not?" he asked " why is it so hard to believe i mean I'm gay" it felt weird saying it, i had never said it out loud the words scared me i knew how i felt about Ryan was real and i thought about it all the time but to say it. It felt final, and i wasn't upset about it. It was bitter sweet, i could be who i wanted to be but my life would change forever. " I'm gay, and i just got my first taste of what life is like when you are"

" i keep forgetting how new you are to the whole gay thing" he said "it never gets easy, you pretend to not let it hurt you, but it always does"

" it always hurts" i said. And i meant it, not just with words like fag but anytime someone is mean or spiteful. We all pretend to let it not bother us but it does. " i just want to get out of this place" i could feel my tears welling up and had to close my eyes, i couldn't cry not when i had to bus in about twenty minutes. Ryan held my hand under the table.

" one week" he said " one week and we will leave Albuquerque behind for good" i nodded and we sat in silence until i had to leave him and get to work. " I'll be back at mid night to pick you up, you can stay over if you want"

" okay" i said with a smile. He left and i got to work in a somber mood. I had nothing but my thoughts as distraction and noticed Naomi looking over at me all night. It was around 8 that she decided to say something.

" what is wrong with you tonight?" she asked pouring two shots of amaretto and sliding one down the bar to me.

" i just cant wait to leave Albuquerque." i said taking the shot. It was sweet but i felt i needed something sweet to wake me up. She sighed and waked down towards me.

" family again?" she asked. I nodded.

" i know that feeling" she said. " don't worry, you will love new york" i smiled at the thought. Later that night as it was getting busy Taylor walked into the bar with Tally and the two sat at the bar.

" hey troy" she said siting down on a stool. " lets start with two shots of tequila and a vodka soda."

i rolled my eyes. " you know i cant serve you Taylor" i said continuing to clean glasses. She moved down the bar towards Naomi and ordered her drinks. I noticed Micky walk in and go towards a group at the pool tables.

" troy Lynn called in so could you do food orders tonight?" i sighed. I hated taking orders but i guess i didn't have a choice. I nodded and grabbed a pen and pad. Naomi had taken advantage of this since she found out i had waited tables at Ryan's country club the a few summers ago.

The bar was getting more and more busy as the night went on and groups of girls where ordering shots left and right always begging me to take one with them. The owner veronica came into the bar and greeted all of us. " Naomi make sure you aren't over pouring sweetheart, and troy i talked to my friend in new york, she runs a bar called boys, i think you will like it she said you can come by whenever you are situated and she will give you a job" i smiled.

" really?" i asked.

" yeah, most likely you will be greeting because you are only 19 after all, but lots of boys use it as a way to get them self's threw school up there, and for a guy like you i can imagine you wont have a hard time of staying well paid"

" what is that supposed to mean?" i asked confused.

" don't worry honey you will see" she said " and if you are taking orders tonight i don't want you bringing the alcohol, let Naomi and the others take care of that, you just go to the kitchen okay, i don't need a lawsuit"

" got it" she left soon after that, after having a few more words with Naomi. I made way way to the pool tables. Mick was acing like a fool and a group of surrounding girls laughed. I rolled my eyes.

" hi can we get another pitcher?" one of the girls said clearly buzzed. " and hot wings , yeah hot wings" i laughed jotting it down. Micky sat against the pool table watching me.

" yeah and shots" he said " bring some shots" i wanted to tell him to pay his rent but i just ignored him. I knew what he wanted it was what he always wanted. I made my way to the bar.

" Naomi, another pitcher of miller light and four shots of vodka at the pool table" i said she nodded the affirmative and i headed to the kitchen to put in the order of chicken wings. The night continued like that, i was beginning to get a little drunk with all of the shots i was taking but when i was drunk i felt the work was easy.

" you know , you are good at waiting tables" she said " we get good tips, like a group of girls tipped you a lot, pay out for you is going to be good tonight"

" i get tips?" i asked

" you are the one bringing them in troy" she said. I guess it made sense but i knew it was only because they thought by the end of the night i might sleep with them. I had came to that conclusion the first time i got a number from a girl.

" do you know anything about this place in new york?" i asked. "boys?"

her eyes widened a Little and then she smirked. " i can tell you its a place that you will fit right into" she said. I laughed, that was vague but i guess i would just have to find out when i got there. There was an odd vibe in the bar at that point. I dont know what it was but it was just a feeling and just as i was starting to feel it. I heard the shot. It was a gun shot for sure people scrambled to the door . There was a loud scream and then there was another gunshot .

I looked to Naomi who was pale as a ghost. The gun fired again and like a domino effect people began to drop to the floor to shelter themselves from the gun fire. " Jesus Christ" i said breathing heavily. There where screams. I knew Taylor was in the bar somewhere and i couldn't stop thinking of her. I heard the squeak of sneakers against the concrete floor at least four people, and then the door to the bar slammed open and like that the bar was silent.

" i could here the crying of someone across the bar but didn't move. Naomi's back was against the back of the bar, tears stained black down her eyes. Neither of us wanted to move but we knew we had to. I got into a crouching position. "no" Naomi breathed. I held a hand motioning for her to stay. She shook slightly and sat down with her legs out in front of her. I hard a scream.

" oh my god" someone said loudly. I came out from behind the bar and scanned the bar for Taylor, i spotted her standing at then other end of the bar. I looked towards the pool table and saw a leg sticking out from behind it. I walked over slowly. I could hear the weeping and saw tally hovered over Micky she was the one who screamed, she was the one who was crying. And it was Micky who lay shot to death on the ground.

A/N: okay so just when things couldn't get worse right? This is i regret to say the beginning of the end for this story, there is only one more post left, but i can assure you it is long, longer than any other i have posted so far and it will wrap up the story but also leaves it wide open for the sequel that i have planned but that sounds to me like a summer project so next Tuesday/Wednesday you will find out the fate of the boys after this tragedy and we will touch base with both Taylor and Sharpay one last time as well. I hope you enjoyed this chapter and hey don't be afraid to tell me what you think!


	16. Chapter 16

Disclaimer: this is the end of my twisted little vision, for now! So i will be borrowing them again but alas i do not own high school musical.

Chapter 16: Everyone.

Ryan

i looked down at the instant teller. 00.00 balance. I was almost shocked but i knew this was going to happen. I knew eventually he would finally do this. My father had completely cut me off. I laughed uncontrollably. People around me at the bank looked at me like i was some sort of crazy person. Of course my father would do this now, when i needed it the most. But at the same time i didn't want to be made, this was his money not mine and i would make my own way through life. I got back into my car and leaned mt head head against the steering wheel the tears just came and it felt like all of the crap in my life had reached a breaking point. I screamed out and hit my head against the rest on my seat " dammit!"

i began to breath heavily. I was already a mess and the funeral hadn't even started yet. I started the car and drove back to Sharpay's. Troy was still asleep in the bed i watched him sleep from the door his bare chest rising and falling, a cute little smile on his face.

He had scene it all, he hadn't scene Micky get shot, nor did he see who did it but he saw the damage that was done, two bullets to the chest and one straight to the forehead. The head one was the one that truly had him raddled. He said he couldn't stop seeing mickey in his head when he slept his eyes still opened, the bullet lodged into his brain. I hated myself for leaving that day. Sharpay was in the kitchen making coffee.

" you where up early" she said as i walked in to join her.

" i didn't really fall asleep" i said. She looked at me and her eyes widened.

" where you crying?" she asked. I hadn't thought of the fact that i looked like a puffy mess at the moment. I wasn't sure if i wanted to tell Sharpay but now the the topic was on the table.

" dad cut me off" she took a sharp intake of breath. It was loud enough that I'm sure it woke up troy. I closed my eyes. " can you not please, i don't want Troy to know"

" why not?" she whispered.

" because then he will think new york is off and its not we are still going and the less he knows about my financial issues the better" i said Sharpay looked at me incredulously.

" i just... i cant believe he cut you off" she said. I raised my eyebrow. " what?"

" really, you cant?" i asked. Because to me it felt like he was waiting for the perfect opportunity to do so.

" i mean yeah, i guess" she said caving, even she had to admit the idea wasn't a far stretch. " what are you going to do though?"

It was a question i was asking myself. I didn't have a tone of options. One thing was for sure though, new york was happening without a doubt. " I'm just going to have to be normal"

" that's brave" she said. I heard the toilet flush and knew troy was awake. He had moved completely out of his house i guess you could say. He went back for a lot of his stuff and told his parents about his plans to leave for new york, his mother was unmoved his father was a little at a loss for worlds but that was to be expected. Troy was his son after all.

" hey" he said at the door to the kitchen, he watched as my sister and i drank our coffee.

" morning" i said " coffee?" he nodded with a small smile. I knew it was hard for him to do even that. His life was a mess, it was a big complicated mess that at times just kept getting worse and i couldn't help but feel the blame for some of it. The distance between him and his parents was because of me, his conflicting sexual issues where because of me, and he wouldn't have had to go threw everything he had been threw on Saturday if he weren't working at the bar i had brought him to in the first place.

I knew his deepest scars go back before i was even in the picture but i felt bad still knowing that i had not made his life a whole lot easier. Troy took his coffee black now, something to do with the cream giving him stomach ache issues and how we feels more awake when he just adds sugar. Not that anything could make him feel more awake anyway. troy was the walking dead the last few days. " so i think Naomi is going to have a few people back to her place" he said. They seemed to talk more then her and i talked now but i wasn't as bothered as i used to be. For one troy was with me and i knew that so it didn't matter who else knew. But mostly Naomi really needed a friend. I used to be that friend. Troy was just as good though if not better, Taylor and tally had become good friends and josh had Sharpay all the good she was doing for him.

Josh had taken it awful, for one they had been best friends since elementary school, so no matter how much they fought or didn't get along josh still loved Micky, also now josh couldn't afford to live on his own so he has to move out of their apartment. On the topic of the shooting itself the police believe it was gang violence, retaliation over drug feuds. I think that was the part that got to josh the most, that he was right in the end it was the drugs that killed him.

" that's good" i said , i didn't know what to say, i wanted to be excited for new york, i wanted to be happy i had troy, yet when i was i felt like a bad person knowing i was about to watch someone get laid to rest.

" I'm going to go have a shower" he said, he looked longingly at me and then went on his way. I got the feeling he didn't want to do that alone. I drained my mug quickly after that and my sister just watched me.

" classy" she said. Putting her eyes back to the news paper.

" everyone has different coping mechanisms" i said flushed walking out of the kitchen Towards my room. I could hear the shower on already and pulled off my shirt. Then my pyjama pants. by the time i reached the washroom i was completely naked. I could see troys naked form threw the door to the shower. Standing still under the cascading water. I felt myself getting a little hard. I opened the door and a cloud of steam escaped. Troy didn't move and i strode in front of him under the water and kissed him. He put his arms around my neck and leaned heavily into me. Our bodes just clung to each other and he sighed into my shoulder.

" i thought i heard gun shots last night" he said. " again" i closed my eyes. Why did he have to go threw all of this, why did he have to be reminded of so much pain? Why did it have to be the boy i loved? "i just, it's all a little overwhelming" i kissed his neck.

" just a little?" i asked, he scoffed. It was the fact that he could still laugh that i knew he was going to get threw it. Troy was damaged the last year of his life has been filled with a lot of hardships but he could still recognize and appreciate humour.

" more then a little" he said he kissed me again. He pressed himself against me and i could feel his hardening. " sometimes i wonder what i would do if i didn't have you"

" if you didn't have me you might not have to be going threw all of this" i said, he frowned. He hated how pessimistic i could be at times, especially where we where concerned.

" but i would still be dwelling on Gabrielle" he said " i would still be oblivious to the truth" he kissed me again. " yeah okay you can say if i didn't know you i wouldn't have known Micky or had a job at chasers, but none of that changes that you have helped turn me into a stronger person then i was before"

There wasn't much i could say to that. It made me feel all warm inside, the presence of troy made me more confadent more self aware more empathetic and more then who i was before. Something that had only ever been a fantasy had become my reality and to know he thought just as highly of me as i did of him was beyond words. But that being said. Troy had become my only reality.

We had sex after that, it was the ultimate saving grace in a time like this. When death was involved pot just didn't cut it when it came to trying to forget. But sex helped significantly. It was only after orgasm that the cold hard truth of this afternoon set in.

Troy

after the casket was in the ground, Naomi broke down in a way that hurt the soul. The harsh reality that Micky was dead had clearly set in and the girl had become a mess. As annoying as i had found the girl when she dropped subtle hints of attraction to no avail i couldn't help but feel guilty. I promised i would be there for her, that night after everything. I remembered her coming from behind the bar rattled and afraid when she saw Micky's limp cold body, it was like the life left her.

If there was one thing to be said about Naomi it was that she loved all of her friends. And now she had lost a friend and now she needed one more than ever.

" oh god" she sighed. " why did i even put on makeup?" she cried again for a few seconds before taking deep breaths. I rubbed her back warmly. Ryan had gone with josh and Sharpay to get some more beer. As bad as Naomi had taken it had struck josh harder then any. His best friend his roommate. It was more then anyone could handle, Sharpay was doing a good job of being there though. I could sense an air of uneasiness from Ryan all day. Why i had no idea but i couldn't shake the feeling that once again he was dwelling on something important and not telling me. And once again it was happening at the worst possible time.

It frustrated me to say the least, both his reluctance to tell me the truth and the fact that i barely acknowledge the fact that he was struggling in his own way while i have been coming back to life in so many words. It made me feel sick knowing that i wasn't sure i could deal with the distance we still had. I have put all of my cards on the table and he had not. And beyond that the guilt of thinking about how angry i am him at such a time was making me feel worse. " two more days..." i sighed

" what?" she asked wiping her eyes. I turned to her and she looked sad and tired. " oh, yeah new york"

"i hate to be leaving at a time like this" i said knowing now was not the time to be talking about it. " i just..."

" i know what it is" she said " you have your own problems, so you want to escape from them even if it means leaving behind people you care about in a time if need" her demeanour had become cold and distant. As i had learned it was something she did when she was upset and knew there was nothing she could do besides be hateful.

" its not like that" i said then when i thought about it, it sort of was, but that didn't mean i didn't care, i was here now with her helping her, or at least i thought i was. But she wouldn't see it that way she would only see what everyone always sees which is their own priority's. I hated playing who had the biggest tragedy, whose problems where worse, i hated it all. As cliche as it sounds, there are people around the world who know what awful is, and they weren't siting in this room.

" than what is it like troy?!" she said, as if any answer i could give would be stupid, the superiority in her voice was so condescending.

" how about i want to do something with my life before it is too late" i said " how about , Albuquerque has nothing for me anymore and its time for me to go..." it felt final, it was final.

" nothing at all..." she said , her voice scratchy from crying. She turned to me. I realized at that moment how close we where siting on her couch. She looked up at me. " you wouldn't even miss me?"

i looked down at her, her resemblance to gabby was almost uncanny at that moment. It had reminded me of the night at lava springs when everything was falling apart for us, how bad i wanted to just hold her and work things out with her, how upset she was." i would" i said looking at nothing, i dont know where the thoguht had come from but Suddenly where was something wet in my mouth and i realized it was Naomi's tongue. I felt the arousal grow but then the burning feeling of anger struck my stomach. Then i heard something drop on the other side of the room.

" wow..." i heard breathlessly, i pushed Naomi off of me and wiped my lips with the back of my hand, i turned and Ryan was standing there eyes wide face flushed. He didn't look angry, he just looked stunned. No more stunned then i was. I just looked at him i couldn't speak i couldn't do anything. I felt my head moving and realized my head was shaking back and fourth. No...

" no" i said almost choking. This wasn't supposed to happen, i wasn't supposed to kiss Naomi, Ryan wasn't supposed to see that just happen because it wasn't supposed to happen at all. " Ryan" but the words turned to tears.

" I'm, I'm just..." he said lazily pointing at the door. He backed up and i stood quickly but he moved faster to the door bumping into Sharpay on his way.

" where is he going?" she asked . I grunted and widened her eyes. Naomi just sat in the couch confused. I made for the door but Sharpay blocked it with her arm. " what the fuck just happened troy?"

" i didn't" i felt the sting of tears growing stronger. Josh looked at me with red and puffy eyes. This wasn't happening. " i need to leave, now"

" what is the big deal?" Naomi said unphased.

" he is everything TO ME!" i said unable to control my anger " and you have taken it all!"i pushed passed Sharpay and ran from the building. His car was nowhere to be scene. " fuck!" i yelled long and loud. People one the street looked at me like i was crazy.

Why had i let her kiss me? Why did i let it happen? Why did i forget about Ryan? He was the best thing that had ever happened to me and i had let it slip away with a dumb mistake, i had been absent minded and careless and i had led Naomi along for so long, I should have told her she should have known about my feeling for Ryan all along but i got complacent and let it go on and now i was paying for keeping it from her.

I called Ryan's cell, wandering aimlessly threw town not for the first time this summer. He didn't answer which i expected, i closed my eyes to stop from crying. We had built so much and it was all falling apart and i just needed to see his face, to let him know that it wasn't what i wanted that i want him and only him. It struck me then that anyone else besides Ryan just didn't feel right he was the only one. There was no gabby, no Naomi. It was just Ryan and i was realizing it now when was losing him.

**Ryan please talk to me **

i text-ed breathing in and out. I didn't want to fall apart again i needed to get away. Then i thought about where Ryan would go if he wanted to get away. I haled a cab on the side of the street. " 666 green tarries" i said to the cabbie as i claimed in. He nodded and i leaned my head back holding my hand over my eyes. This is where he would be if he wanted me to find him. I knew it would.

I felt nerves course threw me. What if he didn't want to see me at all, what if he wouldn't hear me out and he hated me. This was always one of his deepest fears that i didn't care about him that it was an experiment that i really did like girls, i had reassured him so many times and then i had done that to crush his hopes and reassure his doubts. Even if he did still love me and believe me he would never truly trust me ever again. When we arrived on the street i saw construction. I paid the cabbie and at first i thought it was street construction until i reached the old abandoned house. It wasn't so old or abandoned anymore. It was being restored.

An elderly woman walking a tiny little cotton ball of a dog walked by. " there fixing up 666?" i asked her. She looked up at the newly modelled home.

" a young couple finally bought it " she said " so nice to see that place getting a family again" she continued on her way and my heart sank he was not here and i wonder if he knew about the house being bought, it would explain why we had never gone back since that one morning. Either way i was alone and had no way of getting to Ryan at this point. I could go to Sharpay's but it would get me nowhere. I sat on the curb looking at the old house , having no idea what to do next.

Sharpay

i opened the door to my apartment. "Ryannnn!" i yelled. " are you here?" i made my way threw the apartment as josh made his way to the couch to sit and sulk like he had pretty much done since he found out. I sighed, i don't know what had happened between my brother and troy but i think i had an idea and if the idea was correct then i wanted nothing more then to find my brother and make him see reason. Sharpay would have acted in anger and spite but regardless of what happened in the seconds before we walked into Naomi's house troy loved Ryan. " he isn't here"

" where do you think he went?" josh asked. " what exactly happened anyway?" he was just as stumped as i was.

" i think Ryan saw troy and Naomi kissing" sharpay said " or more like Naomi kissing troy but ether way he saw something that made him flee the building and reduce troy to tears"

josh looked over his shoulder. " what about new york?"

" i don't know" i said with a a concerned shrug. What was troy thinking letting himself get in that position, i have no doubt that he didn't instigate the kiss, i had faith that troy loved Ryan and if i had any doubt about his sexuality that was quickly rectified after hearing them have sex threw the walls of my apartment. I don't believe troy would throw what he has with Ryan away for a pretty girl with cheep makeup. But still it angered me that this had to happen for them now out of all times. I called him again and it rang and rang and rang and then suddenly.

" hey Shar" he said stuffy.

" Ryan where are you?" i asked worried. I didn't want him doing anything stupid.

" there are some things i have to do" he said " I'm not coming home, I'll send for my stuff but i have decided to go to new york early" my eyed widened and i put the phone on speaker. Josh turned around." i got any early flight and i am leaving on a red eye tonight."

" whoa Ryan don't you think that's a little hasty?" i asked " look i don't know what you saw, i mean i do but you have to understand i don't think troy..."

" i know, i know he didn't mean to, i know he is sorry i know all of that" he said sounding in almost tears. " i just need time, i need time and i need time alone to think and just be"

I sighed. I understood Ryan's need to leave to get away but i couldn't get rid of the feeling that he was making a huge mistake leaving troy behind. Troy didn't have a plan he didn't have a life without Ryan but could i truly say that was a bad thing? Maybe it was for the best. Maybe Troy needed to learn to stand on his own. I just wish it wasn't happening under these circumstances " Ryan how are you going to pay to live in york. You have no money"

Ryan sighed" you wanted to know where i am" he said " I'm at the bank, when dad cut me off he took 8 million out of my account"

" but our trust fund had 12..." then i realized.

" i transferred 4 million to a privet account with a different bank, i used forged documents on the letterhead of dads office down town, i have all i need for a long time, for both troy and me but for now i just need to be by myself"

i didn't know what i could say to any of this. He wanted to leave i couldn't stop him and i doubt anyone could, all troy could do now was make things worse and it sounded as though Ryan was a few more licks of drama away from a mental breakdown. I could only imagine how troy feels. " do i even get a goodbye?" she asked. " come home and pack a bag at least" i couldn't just let him leave like this.

" this place was never my home" he said " but i will come by for some stuff, I'll see you later" he hung up the phone.

" should i leave?" josh asked clearly feeling awkward. That was the last thing i wanted. It was stupid but i felt like maybe Ryan would change his mind if more people told him to stay.

" i might need you" i said " i wont want to be alone tonight" he stood up and pulled me into his arms.

" you aren't afraid of being here alone" he said " you used to be here alone before Ryan moved in"

i nodded " i guess i have gotten used to a lot of company it will be weird not having that"

"well i will always be here, in fact i wanted to ask" he looked upset but he had looked upset all week. " its soon i know but i don't have a lot of other options, could i... maybe"

" move in?" i asked. The idea had been on my mind all week as well, he couldn't afford to live on his own even if Micky didn't contribute as often, he couldn't do it on his own. I hadn't known josh long but i felt like that didn't matter, i felt a deep connection something i had never felt before and in the almost two months since i had met him there had been no feuds no anger no fights between the two of us. Maybe he was the one, i don't know, we had taken it slow and comfortable and now the idea of him living with me didn't sound awful. He blushed and i smiled. " that actually sounds like a nice idea." he smiled and hugged me. It was the first smile i had scene all week and i feel like in this instant he had forgotten about the death of his best friend.

But that was something he would never forget truly, and when i thought of troy and Taylor and even Naomi being there its hard to comprehend how they can function especially troy. When Taylor told me she watched the whole thing saw the bullet hit him in his forehead... I shivered and he frowned. " cold?"

" no, just excited" i lied. He smiled.

" maybe we can get some of my stuff this weekend?" he asked. I nodded and walked back to the couch together. We lay there watching movies for a few hours, we watched _the transporter_ but for the second when i picked _he is just not that into you_ he didn't protest. I was glad he was the kind of guy who could sit threw a romantic comedy without complaining but i also took into account the fact that he was probably too upset to even enjoy a movie right now.

About half way through the ugly truth he began to cry, i rubbed his back and told him to take deep breaths. He decided to go to bed not long after that and i stayed up to wait for Ryan. I don't know why he didn't just come straight here but at 9 30 as the sun had finally set and the night sky was dark i heard the click of the door handle. "Ryan?" i asked he came round the corer looking beat. I couldn't imagine why he wanted to be alone threw all of this.

" where's josh?" he asked

" he was tired, he went to bed" i said. He nodded aand made his way to his room. I stood at the door silent as he picked out his favourite things. We walked together to the door and it set in that he was leaving for good . " what time is your flight?" it must be late if he is here only now.

" 12:15 departure to new york" he said, even though he was sad and hurt i could still see the gleam in his eye. New york was his home and it was time for him to go back there and make it work. This time he was stronger, he had grown from the timid shadow of myself that i had allowed him to be and he has become an individual. I knew i couldn't stop him and as for troy well, i needed to be a friend to him when Ryan is gone.

" what should i tell troy?" i asked, it was something i wished i didn't have to ask but i did. He sighed and smiled sadly.

" tell him i love him" he said " tell him that when he is ready he knows where to find me...and uh, give him these" he reached into his pocket and took out the keys to his car. " i don't think i will be needing it where i am going" my eyes widened but it all made sense. We shared a look for about a minute before he pulled me into his arms.

I began to cry. " I'm rally going to miss you, i don't think we have ever been this close" i could see his eyes gloss over.

" i know, i don't say it enough, i know i can be odd" he laughed a tear rolling down his cheek. " but i love you Shar, and hey its only till January right , we are going to take new york together"

" i love you too" i said into his shoulder. " you show our father the fucking bastard that you are better than he will ever be." he smiled and wiped his eyes, i need to stop crying.

He let go of me and walked to the elevator as i watched from the door. " the car will be level four of parking structure A." i nodded, i wouldn't forget. When the silver doors finally shut a silence fell over the apartment that made me want to cry but instead i crawled into bed and passed out next to josh, i found in the dark i couldn't stop the tears from flowing, and i cried until i fell asleep.

Taylor

my eyes cracked and i was screaming again. " you okay?" tally asked beside me in the bed. She had slept over since my parents where out of town. My mother was still unaware about the shooting they had been in Cabo since the second last week in August.

" yeah just, another dream" i said, tally had her legs held up to her chest and was still watching the TV. " still mean girls?"

she nodded. I guess it really was her favourite movie. I looked at the clock it was 6: 45 it was too early again. I was happy the whole of yesterday was gone knowing i no longer had to dwell on chasers and the funeral and i just wished tally weren't having such a hard time of it but she had known Micky longer. And apparently she knew the guy who offed him. As to be expected it was drug violence, a turf thing. This kind of thing was rare but not unheard of.

" I'm gonna have a shower" i said. I walked to my washroom taking my phone off of the night stand. I checked my messages. I had already heard back from Zeke last night but i had yet to here back from Jason. But low and behold he had confirmed and was going to meet me. I showered for about an hour, i knew the water bill would be through the roof, but a hot shower was somewhat therapeutic. I felt better when i came out and saw that tally had finally fallen asleep just as the glare of the sun was spilling threw the blinds.

" i don't hate you because you're fat, you're fat because i hate you" the TV blared. I turned it off. I took my time getting dressed and ready. I was nervous but i realized that i had held this off for too long, my life flashed before my eyes that night and i couldn't leave things like this, unresolved. I walked around my house aimlessly until 9:30 and then decided to get into my car and head to the coffee shop. I wasn't supposed to meet them till 11 but i figured it was better to wait there than to wait here. Tally would be fine, she had no shame when at other peoples houses, she would wake eventually and then eat what she wanted from my fridge and probably have a shower and a few stiff drinks.

The shop had a lot of comers and goers being that it was a week day. I ordered a coffee black and a bagel and waited doing the Sudoku in the morning paper. It was about 10:30 when Zeke and Jason walked into the coffee shop together. Even though i knew they had been in chads corner for the better part of the last year i couldn't help but smile as they approached. I got up and awkwardly hugged them both. " its nice to see you both" i said. Zeke nodded but Jason stood there cold and distant.

" yeah, i didn't expect you to contact us" Zeke said " i half expected to see Kelsey with you or something" i nodded, i hadn't tried to get a hold of Kelsey if i had she would probably of ignored me.

" yeah well i have some stuff i wanted to tell you" i said as calmly as i could. " but before i do i need to warn you you might not like what you here" Zeke frowned and Jason sucked his teeth.

" look I'm done with the drama" Jason said impatiently. " i don't want to here it!" i looked at him with disgust.

" well i am done with the lies so you're going to" i said with a sneer. Zeke shook his head.

" both of you relax" he said " what are you talking about lies, who is lying, can you give us a little more of an explanation?"

"working on it" i said sarcastically. " look there are things you don't know about what happened last year and i think you deserve to know that whatever chad told you isn't true"

Jason scoffed. " of course the bitter ex girlfriend..."

" this isn't about me" i said quickly " not anymore, I'm over it, this is about troy, about the friend you abandoned because you where lied too"

" what lie?" Zeke asked.

" troy didn't attack chad in cold blood" i said " troy walked in on chad and Gabriela having sex" they where both stunned silent. " but you didn't know that, because you thought he had known they where together and that chads intentions where noble when he approached troy , but he never did and troy found them in her room on her bed"

" stop" Zeke said his hand on his forehead as he leaned on the table, Jason looked angry but i wasn't sure if it was because he believed me or if he still doubted me. " oh my god... if this is true"

" why should we believe you?" Jason asked.

" i don't care if you believe me" i said " that's not why i am here, and i don't think troy would care either, he has moved on, he is better than he was before and he is picking up the pieces of his life without you, i didn't come here in the hopes that you would reconcile or become friends because i don't think you deserve it, but what you do deserve is the truth and what you do with it is you're problem"

Jason was clearly taken aback by my bluntness but i didn't care. He was so reluctant to see the wrong in chad it was disgusting, Zeke painted a different picture though, i could see real pain behind his eyes. " look if you hadn't suspected why would you come at all?"

" but... my dad , why would he never?" Jason asked starting to break.

" to protect us" Zeke said . " to protect all of us"

" you mean this whole time he...?" Jason's face was growing read and, he covered his eyes with his arm. " we... we didn't know"

" well now you do, and its too late" i said in contempt. " now you know what it is like then, to lose a friend with nothing you can do about it but watch as they slip away" i got up from the table. Conveniently my coffee was finished.

" why are you doing this huh?" Jason asked pained and in tears. " to see chad get what he deserves?"

i stooped and turned around. " you know maybe if you had put a shred of effort in maybe getting back on the right foot with troy, you might have found out the truth about all of this earlyer but you stuck to chad like glue and now troy is beyond you. He's moving to new york and Albuquerque will forever be a bad memory to him" i said simply. " and the people who did open up to troy, well they are all he needs now, Jason i did this to see all of you get what you deserve" i walked out of the coffee shop and out of Zeke and Jason's lives just as i had with chad. And for the first time since this had all started i felt good.

Troy

My back hurt like hell, and the sun was not helping with the head ache i currently sported. I pulled out my cellphone and shone it in my eye by accident sending a wave of nausea, the half empty bottle of Jim bean was siting beside the wooden bench in the roof top garden of east high. My hang over today was worse then any i had had over the course of the summer and i knew it mostly had to so with the fact that Ryan was ignoring me. I don't know where he was or what he was doing and i didn't know how he felt. Well i know how he feels but i needed him to understand how wrong i was. When i was oriented enough to look at my phone i realized i had missed a few texts. All of which were from Sharpay.

**Where are you? **

**We need to talk...**

**I'm not mad troy but we need to talk**

The one person who i thought would tear me a new one was Sharpay and she seemed empathetic to the whole situation, I'm betting she mostly blamed Naomi, if she even knew what happened at all. Did she even know where Ryan was? I needed to get over there quick. But before i could act i noticed i also had a voice mail. I was irked to see Zeke's number on the screen. I sucked my teeth, was this just another attempt to get back with Sharpay? I decided i would listen anyway.

_Hey troy i hope you get this, listen... we where wrong,all of us where wrong about everything and...Taylor told us the truth... i don't think sorry can ever cover it i know i just, i am truly sorry i never gave you a chance... _

I ended the message before it was over. The throbbing in my head was to much to listen to Zeke's voice. I wanted to smile at the revelation but i found myself just not caring at all_._ Maybe once months ago i would have jumped at the opportunity to reconcile with my old friends but now i was over it, now i no longer cared about them or what they knew about me.

It figures that this would happen now though, the life i was building for myself was falling apart and the skeletons from my past where starting to surface. The frustration was too much and i buried my face in my arm. I don't want what i used to have. I don't want my old friends back, i don't want to be the basketball star i don't want to be the golden boy. All i wanted was Ryan. I let it all come out. I cried and cried, i don't know how long i cried for but i continued until my eyes where dry and tired. My mouth was dry and i needed a drink of anything bedsides the liquor i had with me but had little options.

I didn't want to go home, i wanted to stay as far away from there as i could get. New york was far away enough. I heard a door below open and froze. This was not the first time i had broken into east high, but back then it had been over looked, I'm not so sure i was welcome here any longer. It was when i heard the steps, that i knew i was truly finished.

Maybe it was better this way, maybe my uncle should press charges and i should get caught for trespassing and go back to the hospital, it was what i had known best for a while and clearly i was having a hard time adjusting to real life.

"Mr. Bolton" i heard from the top of the stairs. " what a curious surprise" i looked up to see the whimsical Mrs. Darbus looking back at me with her knowing smirk, there was something so wise about that look we had shared so often when i needed a guide.

" Mrs. Darbus i..." i said as she walked towards me.

" i thought maybe you wouldn't want to ever come back here, considering your circumstance" she said " but alas, here you are, one can only assume you are at a difficult point in your life, and needed to solve a problem" i raised my eyebrow, how had she known when even i hadn't? " for why else would you seek salvage here?"

" i don't know" i said " i feel like that is the only answer i have any more"

" well" she said sitting down. " maybe that's because you don't know" i had never scene it that simple. I always felt like i was expected to pick up where i left off. And Ryan didn't expect that, he understood i was not the same, he was the only one.

" you where great troy, your future is bright" she said.

" it was bright" i said

" has the future happened yet Mr. Bolton?" she asked " i think not, only you can decide how it pans out" she was right. " if something is broken, find a way to fix it, you never had a problem doing that as i recall"

that ignited something in me, the realization that i was still broken, i was still the same broken person i was when i left the hospital except to Ryan Evans. He was the only one who knew me, he was the only one i grew with, the reason i never knew anything was because i didn't know how to react to anyone besides Ryan. I was socially awkward and inverted around everyone and it was because i was still scared, i was still hurt and i was still damaged. " i should go home" i said.

She smiled her familiar smile and a warmth crept over me. Without even knowing it Mrs Darbus had given me the answer. I needed to be me for myself before i could me us with Ryan. As horrible as it sounds, i was never meant to go to new york, at least not now, right now i needed to become the person i wanted to be. I needed to go home, i needed to come clean, i needed my dad. " of course, but troy, take the Jim bean" i blushed and grabbed the bottle bolting form the building.

I didn't even realize i had scene Darbus for the first time in a year, there were no pleasantries, just a common knowledge and understanding of each other. I ran, i ran threw the park , down streets past on lookers carelessly and arrived at my house. I looked at it from the street. As i was walking to the door i heard the sound of a basketball hitting the pavement and decided i would go around back instead. My dad was running back and fourth shooting at the net, i guess he was getting ready for the new season of basketball at east high. Something i had looked forward too when i was young. I walked across the grass and my dad looked up. He didn't smile but i didn't expect him too.

" hey" i said. He frowned and looked at my eyes. I stood my the net awkwardly and he just fumbled with the ball. " i um... I've been stupid"

" you think?" he said sadly. " troy i cant say i understand what is going on with you, i just want you to know that whatever it is, i love you and i want you to succeed in life, after all of this i just want what is best for you"

I felt the tears welling up again and closed my eyes. I had never given my dad a chance to understand, i had never tried to let him in and now it was like we had become strangers. I held my hand out for the ball and his demeanour changed significantly. " you don't have to you know" he said " if you aren't comfortable" i smiled a little. I never thought he would have picked up on that, i never gave him enough credit. I was realizing quickly that if i hadn't been so stubborn maybe i would have realized that he had been in my corner the entire time.

He passed me the ball and i dribbled for the first time in over a year, i was rusty but we played one on one for almost an hour before i sat on the grass. And my dad sat next to me, a smile that i had not scene since last year. I already felt closer with him but the gap was still quite a distance. I wondered if he was true in his words , that he would love me whatever it is i am going threw. Either way i knew it was time to put it to the test. " dad I'm... I'm gay" he looked at the house.

" i know" he said. I turned to look at him. " i mean i had my suspensions". He had his suspicions, i wondered when these suspicions arose. " you have always been to nice, to understanding, to gentle"

" captain of the basketball team" i rebutted.

" sometimes i feel like that was mostly my dream" he said " it was my passion that had you playing basketball in the first place" i knew it was true since i had played since before i could remember now. But that's not to say i didn't like it, or love it for that matter. " when you started dating Gabriela, i was a little surprised."

" wait you knew that long?" i asked surprised. But we had had so many moments since then so many father so known myself.

" troy i am your father" he said. " i don't care who you love and frankly you could do a lot worse the Evans, look i don't get it, i love your mother and ... tits"

" okay dad" i said putting my hands up.

" well i do" he said " and i guess you just don't, that's fine, ism not going to judge you, i mean troy no one can say you aren't a man threw and threw, look at you for gods sake" i chucked. " you are everything a man could want in a son, and being gay isn't going to change that"

An overwhelming emotion came over me, like a weight being lifted off my my shoulders. I cried freely and my father put an arm around my shoulder " you are a good person, you have done some stupid stuff but you are good and you are going to have a great time in new york with Ryan, its where you were meant to go"

i grimaced, " i don't think i am ready for that" i admitted. But would they let me come home after all i have done.

" that's fine, there is no rush in life, you have a job, you can just take some time to chill and do you, you need it right now" he said. I thought about my job at chasers, i wasn't sure i wanted anything to do with that place anymore, for more reasons than one.

" i might need to find another job" i said, he gave me a questioning look but i moved on. " what about mom?" he looked frustrated for a moment but turned to me none the less.

" i love you troy and i don't say this to hurt you but..."

"mums the word"i said. I couldn't agree with him more. It would only cause turmoil in the house for all of us if she knew the truth. "yeah that much i can agree with." He looked relived and we sat in silence for a few minutes. It was growing later in the day and i realized i still had a few things to do. I needed to tell Ryan i could no longer come with him to new york. It was best for all this way. I don't even know if he still wanted me to even come but the surest way to find out was to go to Sharpay's.

" i know i spend enough time away from here" i said " but there are a few things i need to do, i promise I'll be home before dinner" he shrugged and smiled.

" just" he said with a smile. " do what you need to do troy, we are all in this together right?" i rolled my eyes and got up off of the grass. I crossed the yard with an odd sort of smile. I was far from happy or sane but this reconciliation this sign of mutual respect, it was something at least to count on in all this mess to know my dad is in my corner.

I decided to call another cab from the side walk, i could here the dribble of the basket ball again and smiled, maybe it wouldn't be so bad to play with him every once in a while.

" he left" Sharpay said, by the look on her face she expected me to freak out or start crying, but i was done with crying, i was done with feeling sorry for myself. " are you okay?"

i bit my lip, josh was sitting on the couch looking at me with curious eyes. " did he say anything?" i asked. Sharpay raised an eyebrow at my calm demeanour.

" ye..yeah , he did actually" she said. " he said he loves you, and that when you are ready you know where to find him. I felt a warmth in my heart. He understood i didn't want to kiss Naomi, he was too smart for that, but he realized like i had, that it was for the best at least for now, to part ways. I found myself beginning to laugh, Sharpay looked confused and uncomfortable. But i kept on laughing. Ryan was truly my soul mate, we had both come to the some conclusion and that was enough to know he was the one.

" um thank you" i said with a smile. " thank you that explained everything i needed to know" she nodded a little concerned.

"o...okay" she said " but, he also wanted to give you these" she said holding out a set of car keys awkwardly. " said you might need it more then he does."

" no way" i said blown away.

" yeah, i know" she said " um i wanted to ask, i know you and your parents have been a little off lately, Ryan's room is empty now, if you needed a place to stay"

i wanted that a lot, i wanted to move from home and come live with Sharpay something i never thought would be possible. " it will be like a sleep over" josh said. I scoffed i can imagine it would be fun, but i couldn't, i needed to go home.

" thank you again, but i think i just need to go home" i said. She gave me a sad smile, josh looked sombrely at the TV. I was starting to realize how blessed i was to have a home to go back too, josh didn't have that, he had always stood on his own, just like Naomi and tally and Micky and Sharpay and Ryan as much money as they have didn't know what it was like to truly be nurtured and loved. I wasn't as hard off as i led myself to believe.

" yeah, i understand" she said. " if it was me at that bar i know home is the first place I'd want to be even if my parents weren't there."

i pulled her into a hug which she resisted at first but then warmed into. " we're all going to be okay" i said humorously. She giggled and i pulled away. " I'll see you, whenever"

" yeah, see you whenever" i left after that, i wasn't sure if i would go back to Sharpay's anytime soon, with Ryan it was fun but with her and josh i didn't feel quite like i fit. They had their own world like Ryan and i had ours i would let them have it.

A few days passed and i started looking for a new job, Naomi had left a voice mail explaining she was sorry for her advances, that she was stupid for trying anything knowing how Ryan felt. She said she had suspected. She offered for me to come back to chasers but i wasn't interested, i ended up busing at the olive garden by the end of the first week of job hunting. Ryan's car helped, my mother didn't approve of the fact that i was driving someone else's car and such an expensive one at that but my father brushed it off.

I had just gotten out of the shower after a riveting game of basketball with my dad and the new neighbours across the street. They had moved in during the week and had a son and daughter around my age. I crossed the hallway to my room and my eye caught the calender on my wall. I realized it was September 1st . Today was the day of Ryan's meeting with the admissions board. I decided i was going to go on a ride, it was late but i knew where i was going. I drove over to green tarries and parked on the street in front of the almost newly renovated house that i had thought was haunted as a child. I had thought about weather Ryan knew it was sold all week and i felt the need to ask. I called his cell phone and it rang, and rang , and rang. I prayed he didn't pick up, i didn't want to speak to him, only let him know i was there. Then his answering machine picked up.

" its Ryan, leave a message" beep.

" hey" i said " i uh had no idea what i would say to you if i called, they sold the house on green tarries, i don't know if you knew, i just thought I'd let you know, i love you too and when i am ready i know where to find you... thanks for the car" i hung up and smiled to myself, i started the car and drove no longer feeling so lost in life, suddenly i was being found.

A/N: being found? More like sequel, so i would like to thank anyone who has taken time out to read this story, i hope you liked it and i hope you look forward to the continuation of this saga when i start posting next month. It will be called B**eing Found** and will follow more crazy drama with Troy, Ryan, Sharpay, Josh and Naomi. But for now i will give you a little info on how the next stroy will work.

time jumps ahead till Christmas so there is quite a gap between the end of this story and the beginning of the next.

Taylor will be in the story but her point of view is finished, i feel i no longer have much of a story to tell with her.

Josh will be getting a point of view in the next story, he is the only original character who will be getting one

most importantly, Ryan and troy reunite in the first chapter.

Until such a time i feel like starting that up thank you for reading and TTFN!


End file.
